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While I was running my errands this morning sans Tot I decided to listen to the local Youth Angst radio station rather than my usual NPR.  You know the type of station music for and about freedom, youthful introspection, and existential crisis.  This type of station is something that I would have usually listened to before the Tot but I’ve kind of fallen into always listening to NPR while running around since the Tot was born.  Maybe I’ve just been too tired or lazy to change the station…

One of those idealistic, pining, us-against-the-world love songs came on and it took me back to a time when I would have been able to “lay here with me and forget the world”.  Then I thought that there is really something to not having the luxury of taking the time and energy to have an existential crisis. There’s something very grounding about being The Mommy and knowing that I have to keep it all together because I have a Tot depending on me.  Being The Mommy doesn’t mean that I don’t ever doubt myself or do stupid things.  In fact, I’m sure it’s entirely possible that being The Mommy brings on this type of crisis for some Mommies.  But for this Mommy, for the time being, it gives life a definite purpose and stability that can’t be found in anything else I would ever do.  And I am grateful for that.