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It occurred to me today that there is something about being able to make this little person laugh that is so amazing.  The power to be able to calm her, make her giggle, have her reach for me over anybody else is intoxicating.  So much so that, when it momentarily doesn’t work, it can be devastating.  When The Daddy’s charms work better than The Mommy’s or no charms work at all it can send the best of Mommies into a funk.  I am no exception.  I love to make Tater Tot laugh.  That little giggle is the best sound in the world.  And I will go to incredible lengths to hear it.  Running around acting like a goofball.  Making silly/stupid/ugly faces.  Jumping up and down like an idiot.  Dancing.  My dancing is enough to make anybody laugh and it’s pretty much a guarantee that Tater Tot will at least crack a smile.  You name it, I’ll do it to get that girl to giggle!

It also occurred to me that I am pretty invested in this little one’s—for lack of a better word—approval.  In having this kid like me.  In my inexperienced first-time-Mommy brain, I think this is normal (and fervently hope it to be).  That I will slowly but surely (eventually) give up that investment in order to be a good parent.  In order to be able to set the limits I need to set and to allow her to exercise her independence.  And that I will recognize the time for this when it comes.  I hope I’m not wrong.

Still lovin’ the cloth diapers!  The good news is the other night was the first time I was brave enough to leave Princess Tater Tot in a cloth diaper because I was afraid of leaks.  Not only did they not leak, but she didn’t wake up early and fuss like she does sometimes when her disposable is soaked through.  I’ve rarely had a disposable leak overnight (maybe once or twice in a year) but they’re sopping wet and uncomfortable for The Tot.  Not so with the Bum Genius!  I used a Cottonbabies microterry insert with a Babykicks Joey Bunz Hemparoo insert closest to the moisture and it worked like a charm! 

I have to give props to FuzziBunz, too, though.  They generally seem to have a more trim fit on Tater Tot than the Bum Genius although I haven’t tried the Bum Genius with only a Hemparoo insert.  That would give them a more trim profile, I’m sure. 

I wish I’d cloth diapered from day one but I just didn’t have it together enough to do it back then.  We had a fairly rocky start with The Tot in the NICU for two weeks and home with meds after that.  By the time she had gotten stronger and we had figured out what her colic was all about (reflux), I was traumatized!  It took me a while to relax into mommyhood.  When I look back on all that we went through, I am so grateful to be here where my most pressing problem is that she is kinda clingy sometimes and sometimes doesn’t want to take her afternoon nap!

Okay, so I keep talking about getting to bed at a decent hour and taking care of myself but here I am again, up past my bed time.  It’s not my fault!  I got sucked in over at IzzyMom  reading her post about the breastfeeding pic that got kicked off of MySpace and all the comments.  Then I clicked on links for one or two more posts dealing with breastfeeding in public and before I knew it, it was late (lots and LOTS of comments to read)!  Well, late for me.  Late for me is not late for most.  But I get up super-duper-early because The Tot usually wakes up early too.

I gotta say, I will never understand why people have such a problem with breastfeeding.  I just won’t.  It boggles my mind how/why people sexualize this.  I swear that with The Tot, if I didn’t occasionally breastfeed in public, I never would have been able to leave the house!  She was nursing almost constantly at one point and I DIDN’T leave the house for quite a long time.  Being a new first-time mother I was so overwhelmed and needed to get out of the house so badly that I just kind of did whatever I wanted or felt I needed to.  I didn’t really think much about what other people thought.  Granted, I don’t think I ever breastfed in the middle of a mall but I have been known to breastfeed in major discount store parking lots.  And at the doctor’s office.  And at the physical therapist’s office.  And I think once at a restaurant.  I don’t necessarily understand some women’s belligerence about the issue either but I do understand their desire to not be made to feel like a freak just because they are nursing their child.  For me there was a complete change of attitude once I became a mother.  In my younger years I had been known to wear some pretty short skirts and I’ve bared my midriff more times than I can count but was always relatively modest about showing my “naughty bits” (as modest as you can be while wearing a bikini…I grew up in a beach town.  Ha, that’s kinda funny….modest while wearing a bikini!).  My modesty didn’t change but my attitude about my body definitely did.  Of course I didn’t want other people seeing my breasts but I also so overwhelmingly felt like breastfeeding was the most natural thing in the world to do that they almost became like feet to me.  Okay, that sounds really weird.  But, hopefully you understand what I mean!  I was not interested in intentionally showing my breasts just because I was breastfeeding but they were just so “functional” that I didn’t think about them the same way.  Anyway, I’m sure the debates and “nurse-ins” and passionate arguments on both sides will rage on.  But I still won’t understand why there’s an issue in the first place.  Maybe I’m just too naive and simplistic in my thinking.  But it’s keepin’ me outta trouble for now so I’m stickin’ with it!

It’s time for me to stop using Princess Tater Tot’s birthday as an excuse to eat all the stuff I wouldn’t normally eat.  Lunch yesterday?  Birthday cake.  The chips and dip we had out for party guests yesterday? Mid-afternoon snack.  All those little snack foods we had out for party guests?  Dinner.  Birthday cake?  Dessert.  Ice cream?  With the birthday cake.  Blech.  I feel like I have a brick in my tummy and my sinuses are draining down the back of my throat.  I didn’t even eat that much.  It’s what I ate that’s making me feel blech-y.  Oh well.  It’s Back On The Wagon for this Mommy.  I feel so much better when I eat better.  I did run this morning so that helped a little bit.  It’s always so much easier to “recommit” after a day like yesterday.  There’s something about feeling like crap that helps me to get motivated to eat healthy again and keep exercising.  This Mommy doesn’t particularly like feeling like crap.  Imagine that.  I also realized today that, although I got back to my pre-pregnancy weight briefly several months ago, I am back to the weight I was a week after The Princess was born.  Granted that’s only 5 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight and at least one of my two readers probably wants to choke me for that but still!  I gained 5 more while I was trying to get pregnant so, basic math tells us that’s 10 pounds this Mommy would like to lose.  Everybody’s gotta have a dream, right?  And, yes, this is one of the flips and/or flops that I talked about here .

At the risk of spoiling The Princess, I’m keeping the birthday decorations up until we can’t stand it anymore.  Until the helium has leaked out of all of the balloons and the signs are falling off the walls.  I think birthdays should be celebrated for more than one day.  I myself have at least a birthday weekend.  I don’t spend a lot of money or anything, I just make sure that I do what I want to do for myself during that time.  Food I like to eat, stuff I like to do (surf, relax, read).  Of course, with kiddo this requires cooperation from The Daddy and, luckily, he is always happy to help.

Today Princess Tater Tot got her first taste of sugar at her First Birthday party.  And it will be her last sugar for a good long while!  She made pretty quick work of her first piece of birthday cake and seemed to like it quite a bit as evidenced by the jumping up and down and ear to ear grin from the sugar rush!  As expected, she enjoyed the wrapping and tissue paper more than the presents she got although she did pay more attention to the presents today than she did at Christmas. 

Tater Tot’s Birthday Buddy (they were born on the same day in different hospitals), Z came to her party and it was very sweet to see them together on their birthday.  They took a ride in Taylor’s new Radio Flyer All Terrain Cargo Wagon that The Grandma and Grandpa got her and seemed to really enjoy it.  The Mommy loves the wagon, too!  It’s gonna be great for hauling all our beach gear this summer!

After Not Napping Girl didn’t take her nap (uh, sugar anyone?), we went to Tater Tot’s Birthday Buddy’s house for her party.  She just lives down the street and Princess Tater Tot had a good time playing with (more like at the same time as) the other kids.  I’m so glad they were able to share their birthdays.  Z is such a sweet girl!  And her Mommy is such a nice friend and so generous with her experiences and information about sleep and cloth diapering issues!  This Mommy has really appreciated that since we’ve gone through some tough times with sleeping (and not sleeping).

It was really cute to see the expressions on Princess Tater Tot’s and the other kids’ faces when they were around each other.  We don’t get out much and she just lights up when she’s around other kids.  I gotta make an effort to do that more often!

Well, this Mommy is about to fall face first on the keyboard after the First Birthday Extravaganza day so I’ll sign off and type at you all later. 

Heinous poo.  That is the only way to describe what The Mommy woke up to this morning.  It was one of those “Put on the rubber gloves and dunk the child in the bath tub” kind of diapers.  No wonder she was so damned fussy yesterday!  If I had all of that in me I would be too.  Okay, gross, I know but I just had to share.  You’ll find if you read my blog for any length of time that I am gross.  Not as gross as some but definitely more gross than others.

I ended up running around like a chicken with my head cut off a lot today trying to get stuff done since I knew I wouldn’t have tomorrow to do it.  Tax appointment, grocery shopping, picking up the birthday cake, wrapping presents, etc.  Blech.  I hate being that busy.  It gave me flashbacks to when I was working and had to rush around like a crazy person all of the time.  I really have gotten used to our little routine.  I don’t realize it until I have to add stuff to the routine but we do have quite a nice, peaceful life right now.  Yes, it’s tiring when The Tot skips her naps and there is always something that needs doing but it’s different than the “franticity” that comes with working and trying to manage a household.  Besides feeding/taking care of Taylor and making sure everyone has clean underwear, there isn’t anything that can’t wait right now.  That will change when The Tater Tot gets older so, for now, I am going to enjoy and appreciate it.

We got good news at the tax appointment, which is nice.  It’s always nice to hear that you’ve got a chunk of change coming but I realized that we need to adjust The Daddy’s withholding.  It turns out we’re loaning Uncle Sam waaay too much money to play with that we could be using ourselves!  Anyway, it’s nice to have the tax stuff out of the way. 

Mommy Tip:  I keep an envelope marked “Tax Stuff” with the current year on it.  I dump all my donation receipts, The Daddy’s unreimbursed work expense receipts, W-2s when they come, and other tax statements, along with any work mileage logs (when I was working) as soon as I get them so that, when I have to prepare for that tax appointment like I did last night, I know where everything is.  Sometimes I forget to put something in there but most of the time now I remember and everything is in the right spot.  It’s not hard to do, it’s just a habit.  Do it enough and it’ll become second nature.

On an unrelated note: The Daddy came home with ice cream for the party as well as “extra” ice cream.  Doh!  Of course I caved and ate some.  I think it’s best just to not have it in the house. I don’t miss it when it’s not there.  And, of course we’ll have cake tomorrow.  I can’t NOT eat my daughter’s first birthday cake, right?  *heavy sigh*  At least I’m running every day. 

See what you all have made me do?  I’m up past my bed time again.  I was all set to go to bed but then thought “I haven’t posted for my two readers yet today.  I’d better go do that!”  Well, I hope that you both have enjoyed reading…Good night!

No, this is not about mainstream politics.  It’s about the politics of staying on TopMomma.com!  The more clicks and referrals I get, the longer I stay up there.  Go vote for me by clicking on the pic of Tater Tot looking super-surprised with food all over her face.  And tell your friends!  What are you still doing here?  GO!

Today The Mommy took Princess Tater Tot to get her picture taken for her first birthday.  Lord Almighty was it an ordeal!  We were late because….oh hell, I don’t know why we were late!  It just seems to be a perpetual state with us since Tater was born.  We got there and I think Tater sensed that I was stressed out about being late because she cried almost the whole time.  So The Mommy got to have her wrinkly old face in most of the pictures so The Tot would stop crying.  We got a couple of good shots and The Mommy dropped a wad of money that we don’t yet have (tax return, maybe??) to commemorate The Tot’s first birthday.  They were supposed to be ready in about an hour but it ended up being more like two hours.  Add in travel time and the fact that The Tot has been a Fussybutt lately due to teething, and you have One Tired Mommy!  Exhausted, in fact.

I was actually quite underwhelmed with the whole experience and unimpressed with the skills of the photographer but I’ve decided to just let it go.  What else can I do about it now?  I’ve learned alot about what not to do when going to get The Tot’s picture taken.  Do not go alone without backup entertainment for The Tot.  You must bring at least one other person to tap dance when you tucker out.  This person can also serve as the reality check when you are about to order that 10th sheet of wallet sized photos of your child.  Just how many people DO need wallet sized photos of her, exactly?  Uh, I think the other gazillion wallet sized photos will cover family and friends, thank you very much.  Do not expect that you will only buy one or two sheets of photos.  Expect to drop the equivalent of the budget of your state in any given month, especially on the first birthday!  Do not say to yourself “Self, you’ll be leaving soon so you don’t need to eat lunch here at the mall.  You can wait until you get home.” (because you inevitably will NOT be leaving soon).  At least bring a snack, woman!  What the hell?  Just go to McD’s like everyone else! Do not assume that the photos will actually be done within an hour.  If you can, take The Tot home during that time and drop her off with The Daddy (or the back up entertainment person who came with you) instead of going to the indoor play area and using your precious energy hoisting her up onto all of the neat play equipment.  (I have mixed feelings about that last one…she seemed to have a great time but until she can walk, it’s a heckuvalot of work for The Mommy on an already very long day!). And whatever you do, when you get home, do NOT decide to stay awake during her nap time to watch stupid TV instead of napping yourself!

These are the things I have learned today.  Yes, some of them are “Duh” in their simplicity but, what can I say?  Sometimes this Mommy is kind of “Duh” in her simplicity.

This Mommy has jogged 6 days in a row!  Not 6 days in a month or this year but in a row!  Again, Before Tater Tot, not so much of an accomplishment but these days, it definitely is.  It feels good to jog again.  It feels like I’m getting a little stronger.  That’s the feeling I miss!  Feeling strong and physically capable.  Granted, my arms are getting a workout each day lugging The Tater Tot around but I still feel so weak compared to how strong I was when I was running, surfing, and swimming several times each week.  Maybe if I can discipline myself to get to bed at a decent hour, I can even add a weight workout!  Hmmmm…we’ll see.

Today we took a family trip to Costco.  Huh.  Not such a great idea as it turns out.  Costco at 12:45 on any day is not the best time to go.  But today, Princess Tater Tot was particularly fussy and The Mommy had a headache.  Add to that the fact that, as The Daddy points out (correctly, I might add), “We don’t shop well together”.  And we don’t.  We have different shopping styles altogether and, although we have tried to make it work, after 7 1/2 years of marriage, we have come to the conclusion that we just shouldn’t shop together.  Ever.  No matter what.  At least we have a sense of humor about it.  Most of the time. 

We’re just about all ready for Princess Tater Tot’s birthday party on Sunday.  I just have to wrap a few more presents.  I’m so excited that she’s turning one!  It’s so hard to believe that it’s been a year.  We have a friend down the street who is turning one that day, too so we’re going to have a very fun and busy day full of parties!  And Tater’s cousin turns one the week after!  More cake!  Woohoooo!

Buttpuffs are the name for those casualty Puffs that don’t quite make it to Princess Tater Tot’s mouth when she crams them in 5 at a time and get stuck on her butt when The Mommy picks her up after the meal.  The Daddy doesn’t like that name but it makes The Mommy laugh and that’s all that matters!  So the name stays.  They do more than just make The Mommy laugh, too.  They serve a convenient purpose.  You see, when the meal is over, Princess Tater Tot tends to throw a minor fit.  Yes, she likes food as much as her Mommy and is upset when the meal is over.  So Buttpuffs serve to transition us from sitting in the high chair eating to whatever activity comes afterwards.  The Mommy picks Tater Tot up while crying, picks a Puff off of her backside and conveniently pops it in her mouth while moving on to the next activitiy.  Okay, I can hear the collective “Ewwww, gross!” but a Mommy’s gotta do what a Mommy’s gotta do!  Hey, it works!  And I do clean off the high chair (and her backside) between meals so I DO know that it’s not a week-old Buttpuff.  Oh God, what a concept…week old Buttpuffs!  That’s enough to even make ME gag!

The other morning while Tater Tot was eating her breakfast of scrambled egg with cheese, cereal and yogurt with fruit, she asserted her independence in a way that had me rolling on the floor!  Normally I let her eat chunks of fruit so she can practice feeding herself but that particular morning I had blended yogurt with frozen blueberries so she didn’t have any finger foods.  She was really enjoying her eggs and put out one of her little fingers to touch them, I thought.  She often likes to touch her food with one finger to see what it feels like.  Before I knew it, she had grabbed MOST of the eggs in one little fist and crammed them into her mouth!  I started laughing so hard I was almost crying!  It was so cute because between chewing furiously and trying to cram the rest of the eggs in, she started laughing along with me.  She’s serious about her food.  Or as The Daddy says “She’s an eater!”  Like Mother Like Daughter….