Home

I was reading an article in some magazine the other day and the writer said that the soundtrack to her life would be her 4-year old playing the recorder. That got me thinking: what’s the soundtrack to my life right now? I would have to say that it’s still Sing-A-Longs & Lullabies for the Film Curious George (Jack Johnson) I think I might be stuck in a rut! Where is all of my adult music? I think I just get so busy taking care of business with Tater Tot and the household stuff that I forget to indulge myself in music. That’s no good!

Music is powerful. It can relax me or rev me up and get me ready to tackle whatever comes my way. It can make me happy or help me to vent my frustration and anger. And it’s good for The Tot as well! It encourages movement and provides bonding time. Tater Tot loves dancing with Mommy or Daddy.

What’s the soundtrack to your life? I’ve been checking my stats so I know there are more than two of you reading now so bust out and leave me a comment!

Have a great day!

I am sitting here drinking a lovely cup of coffee in the quiet minutes of the morning before the whirlwind that is The Tater Tot is up and running and I feel good. Relatively rested and ready to take on the day. Did I get enough sleep? Not really. Has the situation with The Dog changed? No. Am I making progress toward my goal so I don’t have to throw all those lovely clothes that don’t fit out on June 1st? Uh, nope. Did I remember to finish my chores last night so I’d have clean diapers and dishes this morning? No. But I am choosing to take this all in stride today and look at what’s good.

I did get the dishes in the dishwasher and the diapers in the clothes washer last night. These may seem like small things but I find that they can really make a difference for me. Not waking up to a sink full of dirty dishes with a counter to match does wonders for my disposition in the morning. And not having to deal with the lovely ammonia/”pooky” smell of dirty diapers in the morning is an added bonus! I know I’ve got at least one clean diaper to get me through until I throw the rest in the dryer. When things are running smoothly and I don’t wake up feeling “behind”, it’s a lot easier to deal with the behavior of an active toddler.

The situation with The Dog is a little harder to be positive about but the thing that I do know is that she has had a great life. The Daddy has taken very good care of her and we have been a very loving family to her. It very well may be that she will recover from this but, if she doesn’t, she has had a fun and full life with us.

As far as the progress toward my June 1st goal goes, maybe I just don’t want it bad enough to give up my recreational eating. I’m not grossly overweight. If I lost 10 pounds, I’d be pretty much at my ideal weight. Let’s be honest: this is vanity weight loss we’re talking about here. I am healthy and active and I know exactly what I need to do to reach my goal. I’m just not doing it. When I am motivated enough, I will. And maybe I’ll never be motivated enough. That’s okay, too. In the mean time, I’ll have fun restocking my closet because I know it’ll be at least half-empty after June 1st!

There are no major problems with my life. I am healthy. My loved ones are healthy (except for The Dog, of course). There is minimal dysfunction and lots of support in my life. Sure, if The Dog were to “pass on to her great reward”, it would be stressful and a major loss in our lives. She is a pet but she is also part of our family. But overall, things are very good and I have nothing to complain about. Being a mother can be stressful and busy whether you have one or five (of course “busy-ness” increases exponentially!) and whether you are a stay-at-home mommy or a working one. But it’s also the greatest source of joy in my life. There is nothing like watching Tater Tot grow into who she is, seeing her make the connections and learning new things. Side note: She’s experimenting with the sign for “Mommy” and “tree” now! And she signed “bird” without me prompting her yesterday! We were just walking along and she did the sign for bird. I stopped and listened and, sure enough, I heard birds! Ding! That’s the sound of the light bulb going on above Tater’s head!

So today I am choosing to be joyful. Not just “okay” but joyful. As I write that, it sounds cheesy and Pollyanna. And, I’m not a Pollyanna kind of person. I worry too much and have the uncanny ability to see what can go wrong with any situation (and even invent things that could go wrong, I hate to admit). But I am basically happy and I need to indulge that feeling. I have spent (and still spend) entirely too much of my life “striving”. Striving to make things (anything!) better. I think that’s one function the worry serves, if that makes any sense. Motivation to make things better. But do you know what? Things are good. Today “better” is highly overrated. Today I’m going to invoke my sense of humor and have some fun.

On that note, it’s time to go start my day with The Tot!

Well, The Daddy took the day off to take The Dog in again because she wasn’t interested in her food this morning and ended up running around the county getting tests done. It doesn’t look that great. We’re taking it one step at a time and not getting ahead of ourselves but they’ve pretty much ruled out the easy stuff. We’ll know more over the next couple of days. I don’t really feel like writing much more, just zoning out to stupid TV or computer crap so I’ll type at you all later.

The Dog is sick. They-don’t-know-what’s-wrong-with-her $800 and a hospital stay later sick. Not good. She’s old. She’s kind of falling apart. But she’s a great dog that I hope will stay around until Tater Tot can remember her. She’s had some infections during the past couple of years that seem to get resolved but recur later. And this past year it has become evident that it’s just harder for her to get around. She clunk-clunks up our stairs every night to plop down on her bed in our room but lately, she will sometimes just stay downstairs. She’s been diagnosed with hip dysplasia for several years and she’s just in pain, poor thing. She has generally been in good health for an older dog but seems to pick up infections more easily as she has gotten older.

The Dog is a great little Pembroke Welsh Corgi with such a sweet disposition. She even won over The Grandmother (The Mommy’s Mom), which is no small feat! She always looks like she’s smiling but, if you come to the door, you will be convinced that we have a big mean dog living here because she is protective of her People. Once the door is open, however, she will hound you for lovin’ until you give in. Somehow I don’t think she’d be much good during a burglary…

I’ve known The Dog for over 8 years, from the time she was a young adult racing down the river embankment to chase The Ball when we lived up north. The Daddy has had The Dog since she was a puppy. Around 12 years. She’s a herding dog which means that, when it’s mealtime, she’ll nose your heels toward the food container and all the way to her bowl. Every once in a while she’ll come up to me and stick her nose under my arm to let me know she wants some lovin’. If I’m busy, she doesn’t care. She does it again until I get the message that I need to NOT be busy and give her some attention!

She’s a smart little lady who just gets out of the way when Tater Tot starts toddling toward her. She beats it up the stairs, no matter how painful or jets around the corner to another of her favorite resting places. Anywhere but where the hair-pulling, head-smacking little one is! Of course, it’s a love-hate relationship because Tater Tot is also the one who most frequently drops Cheerios for The Dog to eat…

The Daddy is taking her back to the vet today because, after bringing her home last night, she just doesn’t seem okay. She’s not interested in food, which for her (or any dog) is highly unusual and seems pretty miserable. I’m worried (big surprise). They don’t seem to know what’s wrong with her after doing bloodwork yesterday. Not good.

Disclaimer: I am going to sound a wee bit nuts in this post. Rest assured, it is only venting. I am not as crazed as I will sound.

I worry too much. It will be my undoing and it will affect Tater Tot negatively if I don’t let it go. How does one go about toughening up like this? Aside from experience, I mean, and just getting tired of feeling worried. Isn’t there a magic mantra I can chant so that I will stop worrying about doing everything perfectly and protecting her from all the billions of things that can hurt her? I guess I can always acknowledge that everyone has baggage and Tater Tot will be no exception. I know that I am an excellent mother. It’s not a matter of thinking that I’m not good. It’s a matter of thinking it’s not good enough. That’s always been my problem. Nothing I do is ever good enough. And it’s exhausting. It’s got to stop. But that’s not easy. Where’s my magic bullet? Isn’t there an “Easy Button”? WHERE IS IT! Am I tough enough for this job?

I know that I am tough enough for this job. And most days I don’t worry half as much as it sounds like I do in the paragraph above. Most days things percolate along pretty well with the “normal” worries like what to make for lunch that doesn’t involve a trip to the grocery store or how to deal with a melt down at the checkout counter. Maybe an “I should have bolted that bookcase to the wall because it might fall on her” thrown in for good measure, but generally, pretty standard stuff. Then there are days when it just feels like I’m an idiot imagining the worst case scenarios at every turn. She bumped her head….she has brain damage, I know it! These days are pretty few and far between and I know they will pass but it’s still not fun in the mean time.

I know that in the end, you can only do what you can do but I’m the person who always thinks they can do more. Gotta stop that. NOW.

It is so fun to see Tater Tot trying to communicate more. Yesterday as I was coming back into the kitchen from the garage, I played “Peeky” with her and jumped out in front of her sitting in her high chair. She had her hand up in front of her mouth in what looked kind of like the sign for Mommy! I got her to do it once or twice again that day but it’s nowhere near consistent. She also has started doing the signs for bird and frog and flower although they all look suspiciously similar, just held at different places on her body! And today she started doing the sign for “fish”. Thank you Pepperidge Farm Gold Fish crackers! She doesn’t do them all the time. It’s cute, though, when she does do them she smiles and looks shyly at me like “Am I doing it right?” And, of course, I heap on the praise whether or not she’s doing it right because I am so proud that she’s trying. It’s like something just clicked in her brain and she’s started paying more attention. Of course, she still does throw a fit instead of sign “more” half of the time during meals but, you can’t win them all…

Well, it seems that I spoke too soon about Tater Tot looooving her swim lessons. She loved them that first day but today, during her third lesson, she was less than thrilled. During her second lesson it was just downright cold. Add to that the fact that I thought it was a good time to get her to go under water (it wasn’t) and I had a Fussybutt on my hands! This time she was skittish at first and I could tell that she was a bit cold but she ended up spending lots of time floating on her tummy and kicking her legs so all was not lost. I think she’ll come around when it warms up and if I don’t try and dunk her again any time soon!

One good thing is that we tried out our new Coolibar sun-protective swim romper and it worked great! When I got it the other day I thought it would be yards too long for her but it fits just about right with some room to grow into it during the summer. One thing that I like about it is the fact that it goes to wrists and ankles so the only places I have to slather with sunscreen are her face, hands and feet! Not that doing this will be easy but it’s easier than trying to put sunscreen on the whole body of a squirmy, protesting toddler. And she loves the fish embroidered on the front of it.

I had forgotten how many muscles in my upper body are used exclusively for surfing and not for any other activity on earth. They are all screaming at me right now. It’s worse today than yesterday, unfortunately. It always happens that way with me. The second day after a hard workout is always much worse than the first. So I will be sitting and watching the last episode ever of Gilmore Girls tonight like an old lady with a heating pad on all the sore spots. I’ve got one with a vibration mechanism as well. Ahhhh….comfort! Back to the last episode of Gilmore Girls ever. It’s weird to think that it won’t be on anymore because it’s been on forever but there you have it. I guess I’ll probably take it off of my Season Pass on Tivo now…although there’s always re-runs!

Well, gotta finish my chores before Gilmore Girls…see ya’!

I just spent the last two hours like a blob on the couch watching a completely ridiculous teeny-bopper chick-flick and eating ice cream. No, I will not give you the title of said flick because I am too hideously embarrassed. Every muscle in my upper body is screaming from surfing yesterday and I am exhausted because I stayed up too late last night on the computer. Which is why I lumped it on the couch tonight. There are so many things that I want to/have to do and instead I sit on the couch. I guess that’s what my body/soul really needed so I shouldn’t worry about it. I wish I didn’t have such a hard time doing nothing productive sometimes…

I hope that all the Mommies out there are getting a chance to rest and feel appreciated today because you deserve it! And if for some reason you don’t feel appreciated today, I want you to go do something for yourself. Today, tomorrow, whenever but DO IT. Make an appointment for a massage while the kids are in school. Hire a babysitter and go out with some friends. Heck, take 30 minutes and read those magazines that you never get a chance to read. Lock your bedroom door and put up the Do Not Disturb sign (as long as you can be reasonably sure that the kids won’t burn down the house or hurt each other during that half hour)! If your Mother’s Day wasn’t what you expected or wanted, no pity parties! Do it for yourself! Make tomorrow your Mother’s Day and do something special just for you. I am big on keeping myself happy be it Mother’s Day, my birthday, or whatever occasion usually has huge expectations attached to it. Sure, it’s nice if other people “do” for you but, if they don’t, take care of yourself! It doesn’t have to be expensive. But figure out what will really make you happy and do it.

I never knew what a 24-hour emotionally connected job this would be before I took the plunge. I mean at a certain point you recognize that there’s a lot of responsibility involved in being a mother but I don’t think anything can prepare you for the all-consuming nature of it. We all need to recognize and give ourselves props for how much we do on a daily basis both physically and emotionally. I’m not sure many of us realize how much we give out in comparison to what we’re putting “in” (taking care of ourselves) and it’s essential to find those little times to recharge. Sometimes they’re teeny tiny times to recharge but grab ‘em when you can! Don’t let them pass you by. Yes, I do need to practice what I preach but I’m getting better!

My Mother’s Day started out at 5am with the usual stirring of The Tot. Luckily she was willing to play quietly in her crib until 6am which is her regular wake up time. The Daddy let me surf first shift this morning so I was out in the water by 7am and surfed for an hour and a half! Oh. My. God. I had forgotten how good it feels to ride waves. The Daddy and Tater Tot came down to the beach to surprise me and she got to play in the sand for a while. She loved it!

We went to lunch at our favorite kid-friendly restaurant after The Daddy took his turn to surf and we ate waaaaay too much food. It was so good! It was so cute to be able to order Tater a child’s meal and see her sitting up at the big table! No, we don’t get out much. She loved all the noise and things to see so it wasn’t hard to keep her from wigging out, thankfully.

The rest of the day was pretty much like any other day. Yes, I still had to do my chores tonight and yes, I’m still pretty exhausted but today it’s “exhausted in a good way”. I got to start my day doing something I love. I feel good about the job I’m doing with Tater Tot. She is a beautiful and sweet little girl. The Daddy is a great father and husband. I love where we live. My life is good. I am grateful.

I just got my hair done and it feels like I am human again. There’s something about a long, stringy hairdo(n’t) with three inches of roots showing that just kills my spirit. hbvbbvbv mn~Z knihkhijbk c,nm

A little message from Tater Tot there. Where was I? Oh yeah. I feel human again! It’s so expensive that I don’t even want to think about it but I feel so much better when my hair is professionally cared for. I had three and one half inches lopped off and it feels so much better! And it looks healthier. It still reaches my bra strap in the back so it’s still long. And no roots showing. Imagine that. I feel so much better!

Oh my God! The Daddy just gave me my Mother’s Day present and guess what it is? Never mind, I can’t wait for you to guess! It’s a new laptop! I was sooooo not expecting that. I wasn’t expecting anything, really. I just figured that he was gonna let me surf dawn patrol tomorrow and take me out to lunch and that would be good enough for me! But this is ALL TIME! I don’t know how we’re affording that but I’m not going to argue. He’s the one earning the money so if he feels comfortable spending it, who am I to say anything?! It’s so pretty! I was gonna blog about a few other things but I’m distracted by my shiny new computer so I’m going to go check it out. I’ll blog ya’ later!