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So I’ve been feeling crappy off and on for a while now. Sometimes I feel better. Sometimes I feel worse. Most times I have trouble sleeping. Since I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis which is a hypothyroid condition where my body thinks my thyroid gland is a foreign body and tries to destroy it (fun!), I decided that I would go get my thyroid levels tested. It’s been a while (since Tater Tot was 4 months old) and what the heck? It couldn’t hurt. I was diagnosed when I was 16 and I’ll be on thyroid replacement for the rest of my life which will periodically have to be adjusted. I’ve felt crappy before and my thyroid levels were fine so I think I expected them to be normal this time, too. In fact, one time about 10 years ago, I was feeling ridiculously low energy and the doc actually decreased my medication telling me that I was over-corrected. It didn’t make me feel any better. I wish all docs would listen to their patients. But I digress.

I called my doc last week and explained that I had insomnia and hadn’t checked my thyroid levels in over a year and she ordered not only the thyroid tests that I needed but also some tests to rule out other stuff that could be going on, which was nice. Yesterday I got a call from the doc’s office and, guess what? My thyroid numbers are off. Finally, a reason why I feel crappy. I know it seems weird to be happy that your tests came back abnormal but I am. It makes me feel like less of a crazy person. I keep thinking “If I only take better care of myself I’ll feel better.” But most times I AM taking pretty good care of myself. Sure, I could probably try and rule out the big allergens like wheat and dairy. I could also probably eat ice cream less often (I’ve been doing better, lately, I swear!). But, for the most part, I eat a balanced diet and try and avoid simple carbs (except for the ice cream, of course). I exercise moderately at least 4 times a week. I’ve even started substituting green tea for my coffee every other day, which has less caffeine and more antioxidants.

The end result of this is that the doc increased my medication and gave me a little bit of hope that I will feel better in the near future. I’m still going to try to take even better care of myself but, with “The Mommy, Mommy Machine” in full effect (Tater Tot’s recent separation anxiety), it’s been hard lately. I’ve had to figure out how to do lots of things with her on my hip (or not do lots of things at all!) because she doesn’t like to be “worn”. Never has. Has always liked to be carried but not worn. Lucky me. I’ve also felt emotionally drained from the constant “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy”. I love her more than anything in the world but it just sometimes sucks me dry. This may sound weird but, the emotional drainage makes it hard to get to bed at a reasonable time. Since I spend every moment from 6am to 6pm either attached to her or doing chores, the time before 6am and after 6pm is at a premium. If there’s anything I want to do, that’s the time I have to do it. Unfortunately, I’m so tired from the day that it’s hard to motivate to do anything other than sit slack-jawed and drooling in front of the TV. I’m not explaining it right but I guess it boils down to needing a long time to “unwind” from the day but also wanting to do stuff that I want to do but can’t during the day. Basically, doing stuff that takes care of me emotionally.

I do realize that this separation anxiety will pass. Soon enough, Tater Tot will be back to exploring on her own and barely recognizing that I’m there. So, in the mean time, I’m going to try to put aside my needs and be “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy” for her. And take advantage of the “huggies” and “hnuggles” (snuggles) that are so abundant at this stage of her life. I try to remember that she won’t always want to hug me as much as she does now so I’m gonna stock up!