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That is the sound that I hear about 20 times a day lately. And The Daddy hears it more than I do on the weekends. It is the sound of Princess Tater Tot going through the typical 1 1/2 year old separation anxiety. I can be sitting in the same room with her, just not right by her, and she’ll look up frantically yelling “Ma?!!” “Maaaa?!”. Luckily she’s easily distracted/comforted so it’s not like she throws a fit if I’m not there or if I don’t come hug her right away. I can say “Here I am” or “I’m coming” and she’s okay. Or The Daddy can distract her with one of her many, many Dora items. Or the hose. Or a cracker. Or a sippy cup. Or any body of water. She’s not picky. At least not about that.

While she wants to know that I’m near her, she likes her freedom and will wander off from me to explore without a second thought. All is as it should be. MAAAA?!

I have brewed the perfect cup of coffee. Not that it takes much to please me in the coffee department. But The Daddy brews nuclear coffee that I, because I am lazy, water down instead of brewing my own. This waters down the rich taste as well, of course. So today, since The Daddy is not here, I brewed my own. It is a perfect combination of leaded and unleaded so I won’t feel too jittery. I used just the right amount of everything and I am happy. Yeah, it doesn’t take much. Add to the perfect cup of coffee: the house is quiet and I am listening to Oh Happy Day! by the Edwin Hawkins Singers. (Since I am technologically challenged, follow that link, then click on “Listen to Samples” underneath the groovy-lookin’ guy with the fantastic outfit). I remember this song being played in my house when I was growing up and there’s just something about it that makes me happy. So it has been added to my newly created “My Happy Place” CD.

I have recently determined that I need a life. I know that I have written about this before and, like the Mommy Body Image, I tend to vascillate between “This is just how it’s going to be” and “No! I want! I want!” So, please bear with me. But, for the past couple of weekends, The Daddy has been wanting to spend lots of time with Princess Tater Tot because he has been working long hours. That means The Mommy gets some freedom! Wooohooo! It’s been really, really, really nice and I think I like it. I’m always very glad to get back to The Tot but there is something to be said for being able to go to more than one store without a Toddler Meltdown or multiple car seat mounts and dismounts or Nap Time Infringement (the most heinous of infractions). Or to be able to work on a project without having to wait until nap time or track the whereabouts of The Princess. Side Note: I see these kids who appear to be about Tater Tot’s age sitting docilely next to their parents or walking in the direction their parents want them to go and I think “What the…???”. If I put The Tot down, she’s gone! Off to explore whatever there is to explore and, “No, I would not like to go over there where you’d like me to go, thank you very much”. Maybe she’ll settle down when she’s older but I’m not going to hold my breath. I think that’s just who she is and I love her little spirit. Anyway, back to Mommy Freedom. So, it’s been nice. And I’d like a little more of that. The other day we met a friend of mine that I hadn’t seen in an embarrassingly long time at this great local coffee house and, while it was great to catch up, we did it in between taking turns chasing The Tot and making sure she didn’t run into the street/fall down the slight decline in the grassy area/fall down the stone steps/take someone’s coffee/get too close to the unfamiliar doggie/you get the picture. It would be nice to leave The Tot with The Daddy and just go visit. I also think I’m going to sign up for a pilates class with the local rec department once a week. There’s a class that starts after The Tot’s bed time so there would be minimal disruption to the routine and it would be good for me to get out and DO something that puts me at least in the proximity of other adults. So there you have it. I’ve got a plan. Imagine that. The Daddy teases me because I’ve always got a goal or a plan in the works at all times. How boring life would be if I didn’t…

It’s 4:30 am and I’m awake. Not necessarily unusual. But I’ve been awake since 2:45 am. Aaaaack! Toss, turn, toss. Not sure what’s making me toss, turn and generally not be able to rest my weary Mommy Bod. I mean there are things but I didn’t think they were the kind of things to make me lose sleep, necessarily. There’s the general awareness of all that I’m responsible for in raising Tater Tot. And relationship ups and downs that I think are pretty normal. And a diagnosis that I wasn’t necessarily expecting but isn’t totally surprising that is ultimately very treatable. And then there’s not feeling like I ever get enough time to myself. Yes, I know, I only have one. Those of you who have two or more (or are working on two or more!) are probably rolling your eyes at me right now, and rightfully so. Just call me selfish! But I guess they’re affecting me more than I realized because HERE I AM! I hate this.

To put a positive spin on being awake in the middle of the night, I’ve been doing some more research on xenoestrogens since they are endocrine disruptors and I have hypothyroidism and cervical dysplasia. I’ve waffled before about going totally organic re: milk and meat because it’s so flippin’ expensive but not anymore! I’ll cut costs somewhere else. I’ll not buy a new stitch of clothing until I’m 50 if I have to (although I really, really hope I don’t have to go that far!). I also think I’m going to go back and re-read The Schwarzbein Principle: The Truth About Losing Weight, Being Healthy, and Feeling Younger. Not for weight loss, although that would be nice. More so that I can feel my best. I’ve been feeling kinda crappy lately and I really don’t want to. I don’t want to accept that I’m just an insomniac that isn’t going to feel good for the rest of her life! I know that, as I get older, I can’t get away with even moderately bad dietary and lifestyle choices and still feel good. Don’t get me wrong, I think you should treat yourself occasionally. My “occasionally” is more regular than occasional, though. But, I digress. Dr. Schwarzbein is an endocrinologist and her “program” basically says that you should eat fresh, unprocessed foods, avoid high-glycemic foods, and limit the amount and kind of carbohydrates you eat. Stuff I already know. But reading the testimonials and refreshing my knowledge is motivating so…

Well, I think I’m going to go get my house in order so I don’t have to do it when The Tot naps. Maybe I’ll actually take a nap. Imagine that.

Today at the beach Tater Tot pointed to our big, red Radio Flyer All-Terrain Cargo Wagon and said, clear as day, “wagon”. Well, yes, that is our wagon. First new spontaneous word of the day. Then she is running on the beach and, since The Daddy had been doing some marine biology education last weekend, she points to the kelp that had washed up on the shore and says “kelpo”. Well, yes, that is kelp, Honey! What a smart girl! Second new spontaneous word of the day. While bathing with The Mommy after getting all sandy and gross, she points to The Mommy’s blue exfoliating glove thingy and says “blue”. Well, yes, you are knocking The Mommy’s socks off today by recognizing that the glove thingy is blue! Third new spontaneous word of the day. The dots are connecting and it’s so fun to see.

I also just have to say that, even with the occasional tantrum (okay, sometimes more than occasional), she is at such a fun age and I am so grateful to be able to stay at home with her. Not that it’s all fun and, as I mentioned yesterday, it makes a HUGE difference that she is taking 1 1/2 to 2 hour naps once a day. But most of the time we’re just havin’ a great time! She does this thing that makes me laugh and melts my heart every time. She presses her forehead and nose against my forehead and nose so our eyes are really, really close together and we’re basically cross-eyed looking at each other. It is so unbelievably cute that I can’t stand it!

On a totally unrelated note: Just Call Me “Sucker”! I was running with Taylor around our neighborhood this morning and I saw this wicker chair out with the trash a ways down our street. I might have passed this by but, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’m fixing up the balcony outside Tater Tot’s room and trying to do it for free or low cost. Also, I’m just the BIGGEST SUCKER IN THE UNIVERSE for a renovation/rehab project. I like to take things that are old but still usable and rehab them. It’s actually more than a like. It’s kind of an obsession. So I checked it out and it looked pretty good. A little unraveling of the wicker around the bottom of the legs but otherwise not bad. Nothing a hot glue gun couldn’t remedy. Now for the real test: is it sturdy enough to hold the weight of my Mommy Butt? It was! There was minimal breakage to the wicker overall. So, after our run, I loaded The Tot in the truck and off we went to retrieve my treasure! Just now I checked to see how it would clean up/sand off and it looks like it’s do-able. The top layer of grime sands off pretty easily so I think I’m going to sand it down, stain it a honey color, and buy a cushion to match the chaise lounge cushion I bought. I love it when things come together!

Update: The Tot has added “turtle”, “roggie” (froggie), and “comb” to her spontaneous new words for the day! There were a couple more but I didn’t write them down. Everyone around here knows that if I don’t write it down it doesn’t happen.

If you’re a Pregnant Mommy (or any other Mommy for that matter!) out there who needs a little bit of pampering, I’ve got a few ideas for you! You can hint shamelessly to your Significant Other (or anyone else who will listen!) that you’d like a gift card or gift basket from Spa Finder. To redeem the gift card, you can search for a spa in your area on Spa Finder and book your appointment to go get pampered! Make sure you let them know if you’re pregnant so they can tell you if the service you want is safe for you. So go call that sitter and get yourself a Pregnant Mommy massage!

If you’re on a budget, your Significant Other just doesn’t get the hint, or you’re concerned about all those potentially harmful chemicals in beauty products, check out Spa Mama: Pampering for the Mother-to-Be. I bought this for myself when I was pregnant with Princess Tater Tot and it’s got some great, all natural beauty care product recipes that you can make for really cheap! From the Chardonnay clarifying mask to Fresh Cheeks toner and Scrub-A-Dub-Dub body scrub, they’ve got you covered from head to toe. For those Mommies who are pregnant, they give some great tips and even recipes to help you with nausea and to stay healthy. Definitely a must-have if you are looking for beauty aids that don’t involve chemicals you can’t pronounce!

Oh, you mean to be considered a Mommy Blogger you have to write about stuff? On a regular basis? Oh, I get it now! Yeah, I’ve been off in la-la land for a while. I’m not sure I’ve ever gone this long without writing! Oh well, I’m back now whether you like it or not!

So here’s a Mommy Tip for ya’: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to open the umbrella stroller and lock it in position with bare feet. Yes, common sense, I know but This Mommy tried it yesterday and all I have to show for it is a chunk missing out of the bottom of my foot. Not fun. I would definitely recommend wearing any type of foot protection while assembling the umbrella stroller for use.

Another more useful Mommy Tip: If your library has an online catalog, do all of your searches in the comfort of your own home where you can control where The Tot goes and not worry about how loud he/she is. Then you can set off for the library armed with titles and call numbers decreasing the chance that The Tot will dismantle the entire library before you have found what you want. We did this yesterday and it worked like a charm! I got the yoga DVDs I wanted without having to abandon the search computers multiple times to run after Tater Tot. I just guided her in the right direction and grabbed the DVDs super-fast while she darted past them! Of course you could pick The Tot up or settle your little one in a stroller while you peruse the section but yesterday Tater Tot was having none of that. She wanted to move, thank you very much! So I grabbed my DVDs and a few more sign language ones for Princess Tater Tot then let her roam the library as she pleased. She covered just about every inch of the bottom floor twice before she decided it was time to head for the door.

She’s at such a fun age! She’s imitating just about every word out of my mouth so I’ve got to watch it…not that I’m that bad or anything. F-bombs are pretty rare around here. I’ve been known to drop a *damn* or *hell* and an occasional *shit* but on the whole it’s just “Aw, crap!” most of the time. She’s starting to spontaneously say words in context now which is soooo cool! We were at the beach yesterday and she ran after the seagulls saying “birdie, birdie” which she’s never done before! When we go into the bathroom she says “pobby” (potty) or “bagum” (bathroom). And just now she picked up a page of stickers that were laying around (no, I have not cleaned my office in a while…I just shut the door so I don’t have to look at it!) and said “ticky” I assume meaning “sticky” like I had said the other day when I stuck one on her. She wasn’t fond of the “ticky”. She also says “uh-oh” when something drops now. Some of this stuff seems kind of late to me but it’s just neat to see her learning every day. And she does say/do new stuff every day right now. She’s getting the hang of the shape sorter and is actually trying to stack things occasionally rather than just go Destructo-Girl on the things that I stack. She’s doing great and is so much fun to be with! It helps that she’s taking 1 1/2 or 2 hour naps from late morning to early afternoon lately.

On a not-so-fun note, I just found out today that I have a “high grade lesion” on my cervix. Blech. That means more people poking around in places I’d rather they not poke. And taking samples and stuff. I’ve got a biopsy scheduled for late August. I’m not worried that it’s cancer. Even if it is cancer, cervical cancer is very treatable. So I’m not anxious that I’m going to get really sick or anything. I’m just not looking forward to the procedures that I’m going to have to go through. A once-a-year Pap test is bad enough but I’ve had every-6-months Pap test for a while and colposcopies after each test because of abnormal results. Now a biopsy and possibly a procedure to cut the lesion out. That’s more than I really want going on in my private areas, thank you. The stress of having to have the procedures is more what I’m dealing with than worries that I’m not going to be here for The Princess. I just would rather not have to deal with a biopsy right now. But except for ignoring my doctor and not having it done (not an option), there’s no way around it. And people go through worse things every day. So how’s that for a bright side? Anyway, what a crappy note to end this post on but I’ve got to go run after Princess Tater Tot and make sure that she’s not writing on the walls with the pen she just picked up… That’s a Mommy’s Life!