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I am 39 today! I’m happy that it’s my birthday because it can be used as an excuse for all kinds of great things from not doing the laundry to eating what I want and even just general laziness. While in years past, I probably would have milked this birthday thing from today (Thursday) through to the end of the weekend, I find that I just don’t feel the need to do that this year. Yes, I’d like a little bit of something for my birthday. A short break this weekend to relax and/or do something I’d like. A meal out with my family. Not to have to cook. A Spa Finder gift card. (If The Daddy is reading this…HINT, HINT!). I do think I’m going to scout out a birthday gift to buy for myself, though. Nothing too big or expensive. Just a little suh-in’, suh-in’ for me.

Age is just a number. But I’m finding that, as I get older, I have conflicting feelings about my age. I am more settled and less anxious now than when I was younger. I have become less judgemental and more accepting as I have gotten older. Less rigid in my ways of thinking about things. More of who I am. But I also am having a hard time with the physical part of getting older. Changing my expectations of myself. Not expecting my body to perform like it used to. Old injuries and methods of training are coming back to bite me in the butt so that I have to slow down and not charge so hard when I exercise. I didn’t expect that. For some reason I thought I could abuse my body for most of my life and that it would keep going like it had. Duh. I’m not particularly happy with where things have shifted. But I am becoming more at peace with the fact that I’m not able or willing to do what I’d have to do to look like I used to at this point in my life. It still comes up more than I’d like it to but I’m trying to make it go away because I don’t want to pass this on to my beautiful little Tater Tot. I don’t want her to go through what I’ve been through regarding body image. I want to teach her that “beautiful” looks many different ways. Not just one over-hyped, too-thin, airbrushed way. That health is more important than thinness. That there is beauty in doing and being, not just in appearance. That was something that was lost on me for many years. I can’t say that I’m “there” yet but I’m working on it.

The Grandma is coming today to take Tater Tot and I out for a late breakfast and to leave lovely Birthday Gifts, which is nice. And The Daddy is picking up whatever take-out I’d like for dinner, which means that I don’t have to cook today! Except for maybe Tater Tot’s lunch. But that’s pretty darned easy. What a bonus!