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Now, if you know me, you’ll say something along the lines of “How long do you have?”. But let’s assume that you don’t know me and that I’m relatively normal for a minute!

I decided last night that I’d like to do a little dawn patrol surf this morning and The Daddy was okay with taking over the wake up routine so I headed out this morning in the dark to go check the waves. I got half way there and had this overwhelming feeling of missing the Tater Tot. So bad I almost turned around. Not missing her like I hadn’t seen her in days but missing out on the morning routine. The sweet little face that I walk into the room to and her cute sayings. Her hugging Mr. Duckie like her life depends on it and the enthusiasm with which she greets me and the day. Her smell and her little arms wrapping around my neck as I take her out of her crib. It was different than “The Daddy won’t do things the way I would” or “The Daddy won’t do things the way I want them done”. It was “I want to be there”.

I didn’t turn around to go home and I had a good time surfing. It wasn’t crowded which was really weird for a Saturday. I’m glad I went. But it was weird to have that sensation of not wanting to miss one teeny tiny little thing. Especially since I’m with her all day every day. I think it has to do with starting the day together feeling special because I don’t feel this way at all when I’m leaving in the middle of the day to run errands without her. Who knows for sure? What I do know is that I always love coming back!

I was really, really hoping that today I could say something good about Samsung and my experience in general with them but, guess what? I CAN’T! Well, I guess I can say that the kazillion customer service representatives from Samsung that I have talked to have been, on the whole, very nice. The unfortunate thing is that they haven’t DONE anything for me. Except take pretty good notes for their bosses or the next person to which I have to talk to review before talking to me. And today I hear that the second replacement part that will actually fix my TV (the first one was the wrong part…apparently it fixes the model of my TV that was made 6 months before mine was) is back ordered and won’t even be shipped from South Korea for three weeks! Three more weeks. By the time the repair guy receives the part and gets it in the TV, we will be looking at more than 3 months. THREE MONTHS. What the…???

When I was commenting to the Executive Customer Relations guy about the main part of the TV breaking down after only a year and a half, he argued with me that there was a much more expensive part that was really the main part of the TV and the parts that were broken on my TV only affected the picture. As in, there would be no picture without them. I asked him what the use of having a TV with no picture was. He didn’t really have an answer for me. I don’t want to be greedy but, I’d really like a little something extra from Samsung by the time I’m done here. I mean, come on. At least pay for both the parts AND the labor if I’ve gotta wait more than a month for a freakin’ part (the repair guy said he ordered it “a long time ago”…if he can be believed). I wouldn’t be making such a big deal about this if the TV had lasted 5 years. The old RCA TV we’re using right now lasted at least 8 years before any repairs had to be done! But this one is only a year and a half old, for Heaven’s sake!

Oh, I’m tired of this subject already. It makes my head hurt and I don’t want to think about it any more. And, I have to admit, it makes me feel a little bit foolish for being so irritated that my TV is taking so long to fix. It’s only a TV. But I am irritated. Can’t deny it.

What I have gained so far from this situation I will pass along to you: don’t buy a Samsung TV. EVER.

Okay, it’s my birthday so I’m going to whine if I want to. Not much, mind you, but I feel the need to get this off my chest.

The TV repair guy has had our TV for EIGHT WEEKS! Eight weeks. Two months. IS THIS NORMAL??? I don’t think so. I called him Saturday about the part he couldn’t get that he should have been able to get and didn’t hear back from him. Called him again on Tuesday and left another message for him. Of course he calls when we are out at the grocery store and only leaves his phone number. Mind you, I left a detailed message asking specific questions. I called back immediately and no one answered. I swear he has taken my TV and sold it to someone else! After he fixed it, of course, because what use is a TV that turns off after 5 minutes?

And then there’s Samsung. I am trying to reserve judgement about them until they decide whether or not to reimburse us for the parts since the TV is only a year and a half old. But the woman I spoke to last week Thursday said that she would get back to me that day or Friday. Um, it’s Thursday again and I haven’t heard from her. *Heavy sigh* Again, I know it’s not the end of the world and we DO have another TV (at least 10 years old!) but, Good Lord they are on my last nerve right now.

Phew. I feel better. Now the chances of me getting snippy at the TV repair guy and Samsung customer service are greatly diminished when I go call them again right now…

I am 39 today! I’m happy that it’s my birthday because it can be used as an excuse for all kinds of great things from not doing the laundry to eating what I want and even just general laziness. While in years past, I probably would have milked this birthday thing from today (Thursday) through to the end of the weekend, I find that I just don’t feel the need to do that this year. Yes, I’d like a little bit of something for my birthday. A short break this weekend to relax and/or do something I’d like. A meal out with my family. Not to have to cook. A Spa Finder gift card. (If The Daddy is reading this…HINT, HINT!). I do think I’m going to scout out a birthday gift to buy for myself, though. Nothing too big or expensive. Just a little suh-in’, suh-in’ for me.

Age is just a number. But I’m finding that, as I get older, I have conflicting feelings about my age. I am more settled and less anxious now than when I was younger. I have become less judgemental and more accepting as I have gotten older. Less rigid in my ways of thinking about things. More of who I am. But I also am having a hard time with the physical part of getting older. Changing my expectations of myself. Not expecting my body to perform like it used to. Old injuries and methods of training are coming back to bite me in the butt so that I have to slow down and not charge so hard when I exercise. I didn’t expect that. For some reason I thought I could abuse my body for most of my life and that it would keep going like it had. Duh. I’m not particularly happy with where things have shifted. But I am becoming more at peace with the fact that I’m not able or willing to do what I’d have to do to look like I used to at this point in my life. It still comes up more than I’d like it to but I’m trying to make it go away because I don’t want to pass this on to my beautiful little Tater Tot. I don’t want her to go through what I’ve been through regarding body image. I want to teach her that “beautiful” looks many different ways. Not just one over-hyped, too-thin, airbrushed way. That health is more important than thinness. That there is beauty in doing and being, not just in appearance. That was something that was lost on me for many years. I can’t say that I’m “there” yet but I’m working on it.

The Grandma is coming today to take Tater Tot and I out for a late breakfast and to leave lovely Birthday Gifts, which is nice. And The Daddy is picking up whatever take-out I’d like for dinner, which means that I don’t have to cook today! Except for maybe Tater Tot’s lunch. But that’s pretty darned easy. What a bonus!

In addition to the words that Tater Tot says that other people can understand, there are a great many things that Tater Tot says that only The Mommy understands. For instance, “ee-go, ee-go” is “here you go, here you go”. This is usually said in order to get The Mommy to do something. As in, “Ee-go” while handing me the box of crackers means “get me a cracker, Mommy.” Or “Ee-go, ee-go, ee-go” said passionately while almost sticking a crayon in my eye is “Color, Mommy!”

And she’s picking up new words every day. The other day it was “liba-leeby” (library) and “plobe-a-leeby” (toilet paper). Yeah, I know. How in the heck is that toilet paper? But she kept saying it in reference to the toilet paper so that’s what it is! Never mind that she was sitting on my lap while I was trying to go “pobby” (potty). Yes, that is a product of her current separation anxiety. I get to go “pobby” with my child on my lap. “Booda-beedi” is booster seat. “Goggie” is doggie and “Birdie” is birdie. Finally, a word that sounds like it’s supposed to! Of course she has the “w” sound to her r’s like many toddlers do but it still sounds more like the word it’s supposed to be than most of her words. “Mommy” is one that needs NO translation. She’s got that one down! Same with “No.” There is no mistaking that one. She doesn’t know how to say “yes” yet. I’ve tried to teach her but she won’t even try. No joke. And it’s not funny!

Another word that causes the “What the…?” reaction is her phrase for rice cake. “Foggy-figgy” is rice cake. “Waffafo” is close to the intended “waffle” as is “cool” for school where The Daddy goes to work every day. Mommy is often times “siggy” (silly) while making breakfast for Tater Tot and she lets me know it. The funny thing is, more often than not, she’ll try to say the “supercalifragilistic” words that are difficult. She tried to say “organize” the other day. Sounded nothing like it but I still said “Yes, very good. We are organizing Mommy’s thread.” Organizing consisted of moving all of my thread in my new thread organizer from Jo-Ann.com from the place that I had put them according to color to any place other than where it should be. I should have known better than to try to put all my thread in my new organizer in any sort of coherent way while The Tot was “heping” (helping). “Thanks for helping Mommy” was the only appropriate response, of course. She had a good time and that’s all that matters.

“Tepedo” (Winnie the Pooh) is a favorite character and is how her room is decorated. “Tepato” is tomato. Sounds the same but they are obviously very, very different. She likes to eat “mackabeeki” (Mac N Cheese) for lunch with “hambergerber” (hamburger) and “keffah” (ketchup). Sometimes she likes to eat “quega-gee-gees” (quesadillas). She drinks “milko” (milk) or “doosoo” (juice) from a “cuffa” (cup) and eats “appy” (applesauce). She wears “hatas” (hats), “surfas” (shorts), and “came-ba-gerbers” (tank tops) along with her “sockies” (socks) and shoes.

She likes to have “Gossageesie” (Mr. Duckie) along for most of our activities and definitely when she goes to sleep at night. She is not a fan of having her “dappas” (diapers) changed and she’ll often tell you she doesn’t have a poopy when she really does to avoid the whole experience. She likes to touch the “fowfers” (flowers) when we’re outside and really loves to go to the “bee” (beach). She likes pushing Mommy on the “fwingie” (swing) on the patio and loves to be “side” (outside). The “sligh” (slide) is a favorite at the park and she will point out the “ligh” (light) overhead at any store that we go to.

She likes to play in the “bafoom” (bathroom) but may or may not want to take a “baa” (bath) when she is supposed to. She is a fan of “hnuggling” (snuggling) before bed time but does not like to brush her teeth or wash her “facee” (face) or “handas” (hands). She likes to have her “fingees” (fingers) and toes counted while she is drinking her bed time bottle. She also likes to have star stickers put on her “nodose” (nose) when we’re playing.

I love how intently she tries to communicate right now. It’s so much fun to see her figuring all this stuff out. And she’s so proud of herself when she sees that I understand her!

No, I’m not putting her in day care and going back to work. Tater Tot and I are going to “Pre-School” today! At least that’s what our city rec department calls it. It’s basically a Mommy and Me playgroup dealie that I signed us up for since I have been negligent in making it to the Mommy Group events that are free! Yeah, leave it to me. I’m not winning any Mother of The Year awards. As she has had precious little interaction with other children (and I have had the same amount with other mothers!), I thought it’d be a good idea. I think she’ll enjoy it judging from her reactions to other kids at the park and the beach. She walks up and just looks at them and grins. She’s not overly outgoing, just curious. So, we’ll see! I’ll let you know how it goes…

UPDATE: She had fun! She was the only child that cried during all of the transitions and had a security item with her (yes, Mr. Duckie did come with us!) but, overall, she had a great time! It was very cute that she talked so much. More than any other child, for sure. Even during Quiet Time. From the very beginning when I was filling out our heart-shaped name tags, she piped up “Hearta, hearta.” And “Nummy, nummy.” during Quiet Snack Time. She’s still a little shy around other kids, though. Interested in what they’re doing but when they approach her too quickly, “Mommy!” and she comes a-runnin’. I tried really hard to stand back and let her go instead of hover but with her feeling so obviously insecure the first day, I hate to say, I hovered a lot. But there were times when she was across the room doin’ her thing and I was just watching. She’ll get there. Or should I say “We’ll get there”?

As predicted, a couple of days later I am feeling better. Just needed a little adjustment of the noggin’. The Grandma is always pretty good at helping me do that. I just expect too much of myself most of the time so it’s pretty easy to get “down”. I’m not real good at not comparing myself to other people sometimes, too, which doesn’t help. And I always think I should be able to do more than I am currently doing. What’s up with that??! Anyway, I’m feeling a bit better. I think I’m back on track. And I’m really feeling like the thyroid meds are working now, which is nice.

I got my Mommy Butt out to the community rec pool for a lap swim yesterday. Hallelujah! It felt so good to swim! It’s been over two years and I miss it! It’s just not possible for me to swim AND for The Daddy to surf during the week so I let him surf. He needs to surf more than I need to swim right now, I think. But I am going to start swimming on Saturdays.

The other day The Daddy came home with a pair of pink
Vans for Tater Tot. They look so cute on her and she looooves them!

Aren’t they the cutest teeny-tiny little things? If you don’t have a Vans store near you, Zappos.com Kid’s Shoes
has them. Lots of other cute styles, too. It cracks me up that The Daddy likes to shop for Tater Tot. Who woulda’ thought? Not This Mommy.

Well, I think the increased dose of thyroid medication is finally kicking in. I no longer physically feel like laying on the floor all day with Tater Tot running in circles around me, which is nice! I’m actually getting two loads of laundry done most days (yes, we generate THAT much dirty laundry…how, I don’t know), cleaning up the kitchen between meals, picking up the crayons and “floor food” several times a day, running errands, etc. without feeling like collapsing several times during the day. That’s improvement. The downside is that I’m kind of overwhelmed with how much there is to DO during the day. It seems like I never sit down except to eat lunch or check my email and I’m cleaning all day long. Why does it still look like a bomb went off in my house when I put Tater Tot down for the night? Why do I have to work for 45 minutes to an hour to get it back in order before I can relax? Why can’t I remember all the productive stuff I’ve done all day long???

It’s actually quite depressing. I think I’m just in a funk right now. I cringe to even say that I’m a little bit depressed because I have nothing to be depressed about. I get to stay at home with my wonderful daughter and raise her the way I’ve always wanted to. Yes, there is stress in my life. I worry about money sometimes. Probably because I earned a darned good income before I became a mommy and it’s a huge adjustment to go from two incomes to one. I feel old, fat, and tired and there are health issues that stick in my brain even when I try to let go of them. I am injured and can’t deal with my stress about health and money issues like I used to: run until I drop or until it’s all sorted out in my head, whichever comes first, swim hard, or surf for a couple of hours. I don’t like that. I don’t like feeling limited. It makes me feel old that I have a tweak in my shoulder, tightness in my hip, a chronically tweaked hamstring and at least 10 extra pounds. It seems like every other day I’m adding a new twinge to my list of boo-boos. And, worst of all, I don’t feel like I have control over certain aspects of my life. Some days it feels like too much effort to take care of myself by preparing the kind of food I should eat even though I know that, if I just stuck to it for a while, I’d see results and feel stronger. Or to figure out some exercise that I can still do.

I know that a couple of days from now I’ll be feeling better and that I’m just a little down right now. I just needed to get that out of my system…aren’t you glad you stopped by today?

On a more positive note, Tater Tot went in for her 18 month appointment yesterday and it went better than expected! Usually she screams from the time we enter the examination room until the time we leave the building. This time she played with the toys in the waiting room without a fuss and didn’t cry until we went into the hallway to go to the exam room. I was able to keep her calm most of the time except when the doctor and nurse came in initially and when she was examined/vaccinated. By the way, did you know that “NoMommyNoMommyNoMommyNoMommy” is one word? Yep. That was her favorite word yesterday during our doctor visit. But she was fine and we survived. It was so cute, when she would get upset I’d ask her “Do you want some huggies?” and she’d say “Huggies. Huggies.” and throw her little arms around my neck. She was able to be comforted while the doc and I talked, which is unusual. It was nice to not have to shout to hear each other. You think I’m joking. I’m not. We usually have to shout over her screaming/crying. It’s draining.

When the doc went down the checklist of things she “should” be able to do, he asked how many words she had that other people would understand “Three or four?”. I said “At least five.” but I thought it was a lot more than that. When I got home, over lunch I thought about how many she actually could say that were understandable to anyone but The Mommy and I came up with 12 just off the top of my head. During dinner The Daddy was interested in it as well so we continued to count. We came up with over 40 words! (Yes, I’m bragging a teeny bit…she’s my girl!) Even if you lop off 15 for Parental Over-Reaching, that’s still 25 words. She’s a talker!

The past two days she’s cut me a little slack on the constant need to be carried, playing on her own for awhile at a time, which is nice, too. Mommy’s body needed a teeny break from carrying the Growing Girl. But she’ll still run over and snuggle in for some huggies every once in a while. There’s nothin’ better!

Simple Shoes clearance is going on now! Save 40-90% on footwear for women. Free shipping for a limited time!
Simple Shoes is committed to finding more sustainable ways of making shoes and it shows They don’t just list sizes and colors, they give you the “ingredients” of their shoes too! And, they now have selected styles that are usually from $28-$90 on sale for $10.90-$19.90. As Tater Tot says “Go! Go! Go!” But come back, okay?

I have discovered muscles that I never knew I had. And they are screaming at me. LOUDLY. I knew it was too good to be true when I wasn’t that sore yesterday from my Pilates class on Tuesday. In the back of my mind I knew that I would pay today.

My neck hurts which is connected to the pain in my shoulders and shoulder blades which is connected to the soreness in my lower back which is connected to the tightness in my hips which is connected to the flaming feeling I feel in my abdomen when I try to get up from laying down which is connected to the reminder in my legs that I have not been running lately and have gotten weaker which is connected (indirectly) to my big toe which is also sore. I think my hair even hurts!

The instructor told us not to push ourselves too hard. But did I listen? Noooooo. Of course not! But, on the bright side, it is a reminder that I have used my muscles recently. Which is a good thing. I tried to lay off running for a while because my hamstring was tweaked but that resulted in virtually no exercise for a couple of weeks. Not because I couldn’t. Just because I didn’t. Running is just my go-to exercise. Always makes me feel better and it can be done with The Tot. But the hamstring isn’t healing like I’d like so I’m going to have to diversify. That means lifting weights during nap time or after she goes to bed. Or getting a lap swim in on a weekend morning when The Daddy can hang out with Tater Tot. Or surfing on the weekends. Walking is always an option but, since we’ve taken a break from our daily walk/jogs, Tater Tot has decided she doesn’t like the stroller as much and would much prefer play time to stroller time. And she is The Center Of The Universe so…