Gettin’ All Up In My Personal Space
So tomorrow I get to go to the doc’s and have ‘em get all up in my “personal and private areas” for the LEEP procedure. Finally. Not that I’ve been looking forward to it. I haven’t. But it’s been postponed twice and I just want it to be over with so I can start fresh with a clean cervical slate, so to speak.
Since last time I blogged about this, I have found out that my original female gynecologist that went on maternity leave is not returning. Huh. Does this mean that the male gynecologist I am seeing tomorrow becomes my regular gyno? I’m not thrilled about that prospect. Maybe I’m a prude but I have other reasons why I’m not thrilled about this guy. He’s definitely competent. He assisted on my fibroid surgery a couple of years ago and it went great but he lacks a bedside manner. ANY bedside manner from the little that I’ve seen. I hope I’m wrong and I just caught him on a bad day the one time that I met him. Maybe his undies were too tight. Or he was in the middle of giving up caffeine for Lent. Or he had a huge fight with his wife. Or domestic partner. Or whatever. Even if that is the case, I think I’ll be finding a new gynecologist after this procedure is done. I really liked the doc that delivered Tater Tot…my doc was not around and she was on call. She had just the right balance of compassion and “kick butt” for me. I wonder if she’s accepting new patients…
GAK! I’ve been really pretty successful at blocking this whole, big looming thing out of my mind all week. Tater Tot and I have had a great week! But now it’s hitting me and I’m nervous. I was telling The Daddy tonight that, if it was a surgery on my arm, I wouldn’t be half as nervous. I think it’s partially the “stirrup factor” and partially the “personal, private area” factor. Which, I guess are inextricably linked. But they are separate. It’s just humiliating to be sitting there for long periods of time with your feet in stirrups and your hoo-haa hangin’ out. Or with someone peering into it. That’s the stirrup factor. The “personal, private area” factor has more to do with “Ouch! That’s my cervix!”. It’s just not right to have someone cutting stuff out of there! But I’m doing it because the abnormal cells have to come out somehow and I just don’t have the cash to go to a naturopathic physician for a treatment that is not guaranteed.
Gammaw is coming to stay with The Tot tomorrow while I’m at the doc’s. It’s supposed to rain cats and dogs and Gammaw is driving two hours to babysit. I love leaving The Tot with her but I really need to get regular child care sometime soon for Gammaw’s sake. If nothing else so I can go to the doctor or dentist without my Mom having to make a day of it! The Daddy originally took the day off of work so he could stay with The Tot but that was when they canceled on me late the day before. He’s not doing that again.
Anyway, enough drama. Tater Tot and I had a really good week this week! She has made HUGE progress being around other kids. On Monday at preschool, she chose to leave Gossageesie at home when I asked her if she wanted to bring him! And while we were there she played across the room from me and didn’t cry and run away when other kids approached her. That’s totally new! AND when kids approached her and tried to take her toy away, she hung on and didn’t cry. Usually, if a kid comes within three feet of her, she abandons her toy and runs crying to me. Parents, including myself, kept a close eye on the situation and it all worked out. She stood up for herself and kept her toy when appropriate and nobody got upset.
Today we went to Barnes and Noble because she loves the train set there. Usually, if there are other kids playing with it, she’ll cling to me and not go to the train table. Today she marched right up there, grabbed a train and joined in even though there were three other kids playing! And when a little boy wanted Bertie The Bus, I asked her if she would share with him. She tried to give him Lady since she had both but he really wanted Bertie. I asked her if she would share Bertie with him and she did! It’s so great to see her starting to understand more and mature. She’s still really, really good at throwing fits but I expect that will continue for a good, long time anyway. I know that I’m completely biased but she really is just the sweetest child. She loves her new nickname “Mommy’s Princess Snuggle Bug”. Maybe thinking about her cute little face will get me through the utter repugnance of tomorrow. I just have to remember that I’m doing this so I can be around a good, long time for her.
