Every once in a while, one of the stores I’m linked with has a pretty good deal. Right now drugstore.com is having a BOGO sale on lots of different brands and products. They sell just about everything there. Health and beauty aids, food, toys, medication, pet supplies, uh, “adult” items. Not everything is BOGO but they’ve got good “buy one, 50% off the second” on select brands, too. Check them out!
I am grateful. Grateful for The Tater Tot and The Daddy. Grateful for little bits of respite that come just when you think you are going to dissolve in a puddle of self-pity and martyrdom because you feel so physically depleted you could cry. Grateful for the wonderful cuteness that is my little girl. This little person can, more often than not, pull me out of the pit even when I feel so tired that I only want to lay on the floor. She is the reason that I muster up the bursts of energy to go to play dates and dance around the kitchen with the dishwasher noise like she likes to, the patience to do “crafty-crafts” and go on “shwort walks” (no, that’s not a typo…it’s a toddler-speakism). She is fun and funny and my world revolves around her.
I am grateful that The Daddy recognizes that I am making a huge effort to work through my fatigue to make life fun for Tater Tot and neat and orderly for him. He has started back to the Master’s program and is doing an after-school tutoring program for extra money and it’s the least I can do to help support him. If he feels less stressed because the house is in order when he gets home, that’s what I need to do. Put it on auto-pilot, Mommy and just get it done. But it is nice that he tells me that he appreciates it and offers to give me some time for myself when he’s not working or doing reading for school or writing papers. Just the recognition and offer of help makes a difference for me. I’d like to take him up on that offer….
The Dog is not doing well. The Daddy called the vet today to see what all is involved with “putting her down”. She still has that spark and can muster up some energy to be excited when The Daddy gets home but, for the most part, she lays around all day “resting”. When she does get up and around, her back left leg is basically useless. She is in pain from the hip dysplasia. And she’s on amoxicillin to keep a skin condition from getting infected. There’s a fluid-filled cyst in her neck and she recently had surgery for a cyst in her abdomen. Her hearing is going. It’s a laundry-list. It’s difficult. She hasn’t let us know yet that she’s ready to go but do we want to wait until she’s miserable? I don’t know. It’s too much to contemplate when I’m exhausted and feel crappy. At least for today, she is still with us and we don’t have to make a decision. Tomorrow has enough trouble of it’s own. I don’t need to borrow any for today. I’m grateful that Tater Tot probably won’t remember this.
Sorry for the downer but that’s just where I’m at right now….
I’m feeling settled today. Settled and comfortable in Mommyhood and with my decisions in life. Not that all of my decisions have been the best ones but I am comfortable with how I am living them, if that makes any sense. Confident that I am doing the best that I can with what I have.
And what I have today is the cutest little girl ever to be in ponytails (yes, I know I’m biased but I’m The Mommy, I’m allowed). We went on a walk down the street to visit our friends B and Z because B just had a little baby boy! And she did it at home! I’m amazed. So we went to visit in the hopes that we could distract Z a bit so her Mommy could rest and her Daddy could rest and take care of her Mommy. It didn’t quite turn out as successful as I’d have liked (Daddy didn’t get to rest much) but I think she enjoyed having us over at least. I know Tater Tot really enjoyed being there. And as I was visiting with B and Little L, the newest addition to the family, I was very happy for her but it was nice at the same time to be very settled and content with my decision to only have one child. To not have any self-doubt about what’s best for me. I’m really very good at self-doubt, it turns out. But it was great to talk with her about her experience giving birth at home, to be amazed at her beautiful baby boy and yet not to be jealous or worry that I was not doing the right thing by only having one child. Wow, now that I type that out, it sounds like I have been very insecure and self-centered in my life. And maybe I have. But it’s nice now to recognize that I am less that way than I was before. As we were walking home at a leisurely pace with no rush and no worries, complete contentment came over me. My life is not perfect. But walking home in the sunshiny 70 degree weather, wearing shorts and flip-flops with my little girl’s ponytails flapping in the breeze, all was right in my world. And now she naps…what could be better?
Well, we went back to the doc’s yesterday and things appear to be looking up! She didn’t have a fever, which I expected that she wouldn’t. He listened to her lungs and they seemed to sound better. Her coughing has decreased dramatically. She is sleeping through the night again, without the hacking and coughing. Life is good! He didn’t “put her through the trauma” (his words…he knows my little screamer!) of checking her ears again because he didn’t expect them to look any different yet. So, we’ll finish the antibiotic and use the Albuterol on the schedule he told us to and see what happens. I’m so grateful that we’re on the downhill slide on this one. It’s been a long two weeks. We go back in three weeks to re-check the ears. By the way, he explained to me what an ear infection actually is and the “resolution” of it (pus draining down the back of Tater Tot’s throat) really grossed me out! Yes, I am a medical wimp. This is why I stuck with Child, Adolescent and Family as my concentration in social work instead of medical social work. It is not good to have to revive your or your loved one’s social worker after they have passed out in your hospital room. Generally not considered professional. Oh well, I’m sure that motherhood will toughen me up on this one…
