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It all goes “haywire”! We are perking right along in the Potty Training category and have pretty much gotten the “when we’re at home we wear panties and go potty on the potty seat” behavior down. We were talking about and just about to start working on the “if you have to go potty during Quiet Play Time/Nap Time, get up outta bed and get to the potty” behavior (she still wears a training pant at nap and bed). I’m feelin’ good. Yes, it has cost me lots of stickers and a few bucks spent in the Target dollar aisle but no worries.

Until Princess Tater Tot and I are in the office/sewing room/play room and I hear a steady stream of, you guessed it: PEE ON MY CARPET. Par for the course with potty training but it’s been almost a week since she’s done that and I had thought that the rewards and feeling like a Big Girl were motivating her to get to the potty. So, without thinking, I say frantically “Stop. Stop. Stop” meaning “Try and stop the pee from coming and get to the potty seat to finish.” But it didn’t come out that way. Obviously. And, according to what I’ve read, saying anything except “Oh, I’ll clean that up.” or some other such neutral statement was not the way to go.

Up until now I have been really, really good at making those non-committal, neutral, not-losing-your-sh*t statements when she “has an accident”. So I was disappointed in myself yesterday. Until I asked her why she peed on the carpet. “I didn’t feel like going to the potty seat.” was the answer. What?! Didn’t FEEL like it? It wasn’t an accident? Oh, Good Lord how I had to bite my tongue, mumbling to myself out of earshot and talking to God so I didn’t lose it. I cleaned up the pee and did something else “busy” for a minute to keep my composure thinking all the while “What exactly am I supposed to do with the ‘I peed on the carpet on purpose’ situation?” Let it go? Not react? NOT COOL. She saw through my busy behavior and getting out of earshot and said “When you pee on the carpet, it makes Mommy mad.” I assured her that I wasn’t mad and said something else that I cannot exactly recall about how I was feeling about the situation. From what I do recall, I probably stretched the truth pretty thin to maintain the neutral stance I felt I was supposed to take.

I did end up letting it go because I didn’t want to do something that could potentially derail Tater Tot’s motivation for potty training but, with a few hours and a little bit of perspective, I now have a plan for it if this becomes a pattern. I am not deluding myself that this is the last time she will “not feel like it”. Firstly, when she pees somewhere other than the potty, she will help me clean it up. Secondly, whatever room we are in and whatever activity we are doing will have to be stopped, using the excuse that I don’t want her around the stuff I spray on the carpet. We have to wait for it to dry. It could irritate her skin. All done in a neutral way, of course. Neutrally done, but a loss just the same.

Unfortunately, that was just the start of the downhill slide to our day. It had happened at around 3:30 and from then until bed time things just were wonky. Bed time is a whole other story. There were tears. There was outrageous stalling behavior. And then there were the power struggles. The analytical side of me is thinking “Self: it’s time to start looking at what her controlling behavior is all about”. And then I think “She’s three. She gets poked at least 8 times a day. She has to get used to stopping what she’s enjoying to go to the potty seat.” If someone was messing with my world like that, I might pee on the carpet, too. Ok, well, probably not, but you get the idea. And then maybe she just had a bad couple of hours. I wonder how it’ll go today…wish me luck!

Phew! We seem to have gotten a handle on the Diva behavior that recently sidetracked us from potty training and now we’re back on track. Not that the tantrums and drama don’t still occur. They do. But I have a better handle on how to deal with them and Tater Tot is realizing that it’s not working as well as she’d like. So, we’re potty training again! And, so far, I think we’re doing pretty well. There have been accidents. There will be more. I have managed not to lose my cool when they happen. In my opinion, that’s about all we can ask for!

I was reading a book (don’t even ask me which because it wasn’t that memorable) that talked about getting your child to potty train “organically”…i.e. when they want to without extrinsic rewards. And, of course, I started to beat myself up because I couldn’t figure out how to get my child to “want” to potty train. She just didn’t and I’ve got the Preschool Countdown going so I felt like I needed to act fast. She was mildly motivated to wear undies but, when given a choice she would prefer a pull up and to not make the effort. Didn’t seem to care that some her friends at Mommy and Me were potty trained. Mildly interested in the fact that a little friend from the play group was wearing undies but, still, not enough to light a fire. Uh, okay…what do I do with that? Keep her out of preschool and in a diaper for another year until she’s “ready”? Maybe I’m selfish but I just didn’t want to do that.

So, we headed to the Target dollar aisle and I let her pick out “prizes”. We printed free Dora potty training stickers and chart and got the show on the road. Turns out now that she realizes her Diva behavior isn’t going to stop Mommy from encouraging Big Girl Potty Behavior, she’s doing a pretty good job at getting to the potty. And she loves earning stickers and prizes…and seeing Mommy dance around like an idiot, of course. The way I’m doing it is that she earns a sticker every time she goes in the potty and, at the end of the row, she earns a prize. Of course, she suggested that Mommy print a chart with less squares on it so she could earn a prize more quickly but I stuck to my guns on that one…

Sometimes life as an almost-41-year-old, Hashimoto’s-having, no-sleep-getting (my fault), business-owning Mommy of a preschooler can get a little hairy and overwhelming. When it does, I stop and look at my sink. Weird? Yes. But let me explain. A couple of years ago my sister turned me onto Flylady who has developed a system of organization that starts with “shining your sink”. Well, technically I guess it starts with getting “dressed to your shoes” which is basically making sure that you are presentable before your start your day and having lace up shoes on so you can begin your routines. But, after that, shining your sink is the first habit you take on. And I have to tell you, that is the habit I am doing religiously right now.

When I wake up and stumble downstairs to pour a cup of coffee and I am greeted by a sink full of dishes, I want to go back upstairs and crawl into bed. It’s just no way to start the day. But when I come downstairs and the sink is clean and clear of dishes, I feel like I have a head start on my day! I can drink my cup of coffee in peace knowing that I won’t have to rush around before Tater Tot gets up trying to get the kitchen clean before I can make breakfast. And it usually makes me want to check the laundry and get that going, too so that my “free time” while The Tot is napping is just that: free. I am free to do what I want to instead of being a slave to my house.

The other function that shining my sink has for me is symbolic. When there is a situation in my life that I cannot control, I do something that I CAN control as a way of letting go of the situation I can’t control. It is therapeutic and it works for me. I have control over my habits and routines even if I don’t have control over the things that worry me. So I keep my sink clear at the same time I keep my head clear. It’s a two-fer!

Once you’ve shined your sink, there are other routines that you can put into place that really can make your life easier and keep things perking along as they should. You can get quite a bit of information from the Flylady site but she also has a book out called Sink Reflections available at Amazon if you click on the title back there. And your local library may have a copy if you want to check it out first.

I have to be honest: I backslide. And Flylady expects some backsliding. But progress is expected as well. Baby steps, jumping in where you are, and starting again are all a part of the package. And, boy that’s a good thing in this household! For now, my sink is shiny and my laundry is almost always done. And I cannot overstate the feeling of peace and accomplishment that it gives me. As a woman with an advanced degree, it feels really quite funny to type that I feel accomplished because my sink is clean and the laundry is done. But it really does!

The next thing I’m going to tackle is a weekly house cleaning schedule, I think….wish me luck!

Today was the last day of our Mommy and Me class for the year and I have to say that I was surprised by my reaction. I didn’t really think about the implications of ending a class that we had been a part of for two years until, well, until I drove up to the class. Maybe last night or this morning a fleeting thought/feeling passed through that I roundly ignored. But it hit me full force as we drove up to the class that we would not be coming here with these wonderful women and their children any more. In the Fall Tater Tot will be starting preschool and the kids/Mommas will be scattering among preschools around the area. We will no longer have this built-in, once-a-week support group that we currently have. Not that we don’t all have each others’ phone numbers and email addresses. Or that we can’t/won’t set up play dates. But the “built-in-ness” and our wonderful teacher will not be there. And although I felt like a complete sap for being teary about it, it is a loss.

Last year we lost two members to another class on a different day but, for the most part, this group has been together for at least a year and a half. Most of us for a full two years. Last year there were summer play dates and the knowledge that most of us would all be together again in the Fall. But this year it is different. The kids will go to different preschools in the Fall and relationships may or may not survive. These things all factored into my teary-eyed last day but the most important and probably the best reason for being teary-eyed on a day such as this is that my little baby girl is almost a preschooler. And I am almost a Mother of a Preschooler. I have always been one be easily bored and to welcome the new so I was surprised at my reaction to my little girl growing up. Surprised that I felt so deeply today. I mean, yes, I am very proud of the progress she and I both have made because of this class but I’m still surprised at the feeling of loss that I have. I realized today that she is very soon going to be a Preschooler. Not a Toddler, but a full-fledged, potty trained (God willing!), going to school without Mommy Preschooler.

I’m not sure why but an interaction that I had today is sticking with me longer than it normally would on the eve of an ending. Today, one of the mommies suggested to several of us in a conversation that we meet the next week at the park right by our class to play. Most of us thought that was a good idea and, when the class was almost over, I asked one mommy if I would see her next week. She looked perplexed and asked “Where?”. I explained and she stated that she and the suggesting mommy were no longer getting along and that she wasn’t invited. Huh? Since last week? We didn’t really have time to explore why as the class was ending, everyone was still milling around, and Tater Tot was oh-so-ready for nap time behaviorally. So I told her that I was really very sorry that they had had a falling out and said “Goodbye” to those remaining, herding Tater Tot to the car.

Our class has not been a class in which people are excluded. It has been a comfortable place where you don’t have to wonder or worry about asking someone if they’re going to any event to which any other Mommy/Kiddo duo has been invited. And this particular couple of Mommies seems to have gotten along rather well. They did things with two other Mommies/Kiddos outside of the class and were generally known as The Four Muskateer type of group. Their kids constantly played and fought together and acted like brother and sister. Which is why this situation is so strange. What in Heaven’s name could have happened for these two to have such a violent rift within one week’s time (or less)? So much so that one mother has pulled her child from the preschool that they would attend in the Fall, I assume, because it is the same preschool that the child of the other mother is attending.

Let me preface this by saying that I HAVE NO EARTHLY IDEA WHAT HAPPENED. I cannot even pretend to know (which is, maybe, why I am so perplexed). But what I thought I knew was that these were two very reasonable and lovely women with delightful, if not spirited, children. It is beyond me what could have happened between the two but I have to wonder “Why do we do this to each other as women?”. What could have gone so seriously wrong so quickly and why can’t we just support one another in our lives? Is it that hard? Again, I don’t know what happened and it may be that it is utterly unforgivable. But I hope that it isn’t. And, for the sake of all women, I hope that we can all be a little bit more understanding of each other and make the effort to just be nice. I realize I’m probably being naive but that’s just how I feel.

I’m sure that I will, one way or another, find out what happened. While I am curious, it is not my business to dig around in. And, I have to say that, in one way I am glad this happened at an ending point rather than in the middle. We have had the experience of being comfortable in this group for a long time and it was fantastic (save one shoving incident that we worked through). And, although I now wonder if there was an undercurrent all along that I was not aware of, I think I will choose to remember this as the positive experience that I thought it was and resolve to be as supportive and understanding and forgiving as I can of women that come into my life from this point forward.

Another thing that today’s experience did for me is help me to realize that time flies by so fast. And while the day-to-day grind may be a bit much at times, these are the times I will be longing for later and remembering fondly. Before I know it, I will be writing a post titled “I’m almost the Mother of a Kindergartner!” or some such thing. And it will seem like the blink of an eye.

This morning I woke up to no dishes in the sink, the laundry all where it was supposed to be save one load in the dryer, and nothing pressing to do. This allowed me to journal while drinking my coffee and actually think about the pros and cons of a decision I had to make. Imagine that: actually having time and energy to think about what I wanted to do in a particular situation. It was nice. And it was all possible because I took a few minutes after Tater Tot went to bed to finish my “chores”.

The word “chores” sounds so horrible and un-fun. And it is. And they are. But what is fun for me is to wake up in the morning and to be able to sit with my coffee and Tweet or blog or read mindless celebrity crap without worrying that I am shirking my duties. I would not want to be labeled a shirker. But I do enjoy waking up slowly instead of rushing around “doing” before Tater Tot wakes up in an effort not to start the day too far behind.

For several years now I have been following the progress of The Flylady . I say following “the progress” of The Flylady because I have not actually been following her precepts as closely as I should in order to receive the elusive peace of actually being on top of everything. But I have put enough in to practice so as not to be embarrassed if the Directv guy wants to use the bathroom during the 2 hour installation. I have the knowledge, I just don’t always put it into practice. I do notice that I feel better when I do practice the routines that she preaches but there are some times when the routines just elude me. Luckily, last night was not one of those nights. Doing things like rinsing the dishes directly after dinner instead of just piling them in the sink or taking 1 minute to move the wash from the washer to the dryer before moving on to something else really helps me to feel like my time without Tater Tot is really mine. Since my “chores” are done, I am free to do what it is I actually want to do.

Check the site out. Routines are really key to feeling like you are in control and key to being able to take care of yourself. Does it always work magic? No. But it does help. Give it a try!