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Today is the first day of preschool for The Preschooler Formerly Known As Tater Tot. I guess I’ll have to think up a new blog name for her, won’t I? I have spent my long summer doing the Preschool Countdown but didn’t really understand what that meant until today. While I haven’t cried yet, there hasn’t been a lack of angst on this Mommy’s part, either. I dropped her off, ran errands and now I am sitting in the local library taking advantage of their free wireless connection and filling nervous time waiting to go pick her up. Okay, let’s be real, I’m close by because I’m afraid they’re going to call saying “Your child is crying hysterically for you. Please come pick her up.” So far that has not happened. Phew.

It’s time. Really, it is. She is 3 1/2 years old and has spent ALL of her time with me. Okay, The Daddy has had his fair share of time on weekends, too. And Gammaw has babysat but not for a long while. Pretty much not since she was a baby. No baby sitters. No child care of any sort. And very little break for The Mommy. No gym membership with the Kid Care Center (no gym membership of ANY sort). No Mommy’s Day Out. Very, very few Mommy’s Nights Out (maybe 3 in as many years). And, yes, I am over-justifying this because, on some level, even though it is time, I feel the teensiest bit guilty for wanting and needing a break. I assume that there are women out there who don’t crave a break from Motherhood. I am not one of them and on some level I wish I was.

But the truth is, she needs this. She clings to me in social situations and prefers to play with me rather than other children. Although we attend play groups, they are not always with the same kids and she has not had much practice asserting herself. She started to be able to do this at Mommy and Me but it was always with me coaching and hovering. Lately at play dates she is even starting to be able to initiate asserting herself not prompted by me and my reading of her body language. I’d like her to have a regular place where she can begin to feel safe doing this.

Diabetes does come into play here, too. Things are more complicated than just the abandonment she may feel at my having left her with someone else. The stress that this causes, while normal and developmentally appropriate, may cause her blood sugar to drop. Teachers need to be instructed what to do. I have to trust them to do it. And so does The Princess.

There were tears when I left and she looked a little lost. Her teacher was very good with the kids who were like this (and don’t think I didn’t notice that she was not the only one!). I’m sure she will be okay. But I’m going to pack up the computer and get to the school early just in case…

UPDATE: She did fine. Cried off and on according to the teacher which kind of breaks my heart. But she was not hysterical. They told me they call parents if they get hysterical. She painted and played with a couple of other kids, read books with the teacher and had snack. Interestingly enough, she was a teeny bit distant when I picked her up. Accepted my hugs and kisses but took a while to warm up even though she was teary. I know this is normal and I know she’ll adjust but it was still hard!