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Let me start by saying that I think that Tater Tot has a full grasp of how to drink out of a “reg’lar cup” as we call them around here. I really think she does. That being said, she has managed to spill some sort of liquid from said cups just about every meal for months. Juice, milk, water, it doesn’t matter. It’s usually when I have finished my meal and have gotten up to clean dishes or tidy the kitchen. She is right there. I am right there. There is no more than 15 feet between us and yet she feels the need to get my attention by playing with her cup and spilling stuff all over the place. Sticks her hands in them, makes “cup houses”, bangs them on the table while full of liquid, puts her utensils in them. Whatever it takes to make the spill happen, really. She’s willing to go the distance.

I don’t know if this is the way most mommies feel about it but it’s just plain irritating to me. I try to modulate my reaction so that I don’t make it a big deal. It’s only water/milk/juice anyway. And there is a good chance that she’s doing it on purpose to get my reaction so I bite my tongue, slap a happy face on it and sweetly say “Oops! Let’s clean it up now.” If I could sit still to save my life I might try staying at the table with her until she’s done with her meal to test my theory that she’s trying to get my attention. I’m not sure that’s possible, though, seeing as she takes 40 minutes to eat and I tend to pop up like a gopher out of its hole after 2 minutes of sitting still (what’s that about??). Of course she’s not “on task” that whole time. She takes breaks to wave her utensils around and play with her food but, still. Hey! Smart Mommy here just had an idea: I wonder if she’d stay on task and eat faster if I stayed at the table. It’s worth a try, anyway. What do I have to lose?

Up next: pick your battles.

Well, Tater Tot’s appetite is back. It’s nice that she’s eating something other than applesauce. Makes a mommy worry a little less. It has been hard to relate to the struggles of Mommies with toddlers who are picky eaters because Tater Tot generally eats most of what’s put in front of her at any given time. But I got a small glimpse into your world, Ladies, and it was not pretty. I understand the worry that your child is not getting adequate nutrition now because, really, how much of your daily RDA can you get from applesauce and juice? Or just cheese? Or whatever the food du jour is for your picky eater…

She seems to be doing better on several fronts, as I have not had to get up with her because she is hacking and coughing for the past two nights and she doesn’t seem to have a fever anymore, either. Although with my crappy ear thermometer, who knows? I didn’t think she had one when I took her to the doctor on Tuesday, either but guess what? She did. We go back to the doc this morning so, hopefully he’ll tell us her ears look better and her lungs sound better. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll get to remove the baby monitor from our bedroom and have a sound nights’ sleep sometime soon. Free from undue worry. And being woken up by congestion-induced snoring or coughing. That would be nice. But, what can ‘ya do? Such is a Mommy’s Life.

On a totally unrelated note, although I am feeling a bit better energy-wise, I’ve decided that I’m going to ask my doctor to increase my thyroid medication until my TSH is between 1 and 2. It was above 2 this last time around and she’s not likely to do this for me but you never know until you ask. I can’t help but think that some of this not being able to sleep may have something to do with my thyroid. It’s worth a shot. If you’re asking “What the heck is she talking about?” let me tell you some background. I have been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis since I was 16 years old and I am now 39. My body recognizes my thyroid as a foreign body, not as the wonderful, useful gland that it should recognize it as. As a result, my body is trying to destroy my thyroid gland (and probably already has). The end result for me is that my thyroid gland does not function as it should, under-producing the all-important hormone needed to regulate my metabolism, energy-level, etc. (for more info go here or here). So I take synthetic thyroid hormone. And most of the time I still feel crappy. Not as bad as some people do, but bad enough to hate my life sometimes. The times when I feel like I need a nap by 10am or feel like laying on the couch instead of playing with my beautiful daughter or when I am utterly exhausted yet have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. And when I’m exhausted I feel like I need to eat continuously all day long in the vain hope that it will give me enough energy which results in weight gain and/or not being able to lose that last 10 pounds of “baby weight” that really should now be called “toddler weight” since my Princess is two! Or the times when every piece of clothing that I put on makes me feel like a 10 pound sausage in a 5 pound casing…

If you’re saying to yourself “Yeah, but I feel that way sometimes, too and I don’t have a thyroid condition. It’s just being anxious or depressed about emotional stuff.” or something like that, I’ve thought of that, too. Life’s messy and there are lots of things to worry about, do, and generally let invade your otherwise peaceful mindset. I know that. I also know that I deal with life’s messiness relatively well when I feel good. Yes, it’s well-established that I am a worrier but, at the end of the day, I know that everything will work out and I find my peace within a situation. This is different. This is an irritability and moodiness that is not usually there. This is an exhaustion that is worse than lack of sleep and worry combined. This is a physical depletion that just feels different than one caused by emotional issues or feelings. For example, I am generally a happy shopper at large super-discount stores that shall remain nameless (hint: there’s one on just about every street corner here in Cali and the name ends in “Mart”). I go when there is plenty of time to shop and we have no pressing time constraints. Tater Tot likes to help me push the cart. It’s even easier when I go by myself so it’s generally a pleasant shopping experience for me. The other day I thought I was going to end up on Jerry Springer because I felt so much like running over several of the clientele of said establishment who would have then roundly kicked my ass, trailer-park style. This is not me. I do not generally feel like going all kung-fu on people’s asses whilst shopping. Add to that the need for a nap at 10am and voila! You have a generally low-thyroid-feeling situation. This has been going on for a month. So I asked for my thyroid levels to be tested and was very surprised that they were within the normal range. The last time I felt this bad, they were out of the normal range and my medication was increased.

So, I will ask my doctor. In the mean time, I am reading Fat, Fuzzy, or Frazzled and The Thyroid Diet trying to find ways to “optimize my treatment”. Hopefully I’ll find a few things in there that will make a difference in my situation…

Anywhooo…thanks for reading my long, rambling, fairly self-centered post today! Now it’s time to get on with the day. Time for Tater Tot to get up and then we get to go back to the doctor’s. Hopefully he’ll have some good news for us! Have a fantastic day!

Yeah, doesn’t sound like much, does it? But it is Tater Tots favorite meal. Let me translate for you. “Nanee” (not sure of the spelling here, I’m in uncharted ToddlerSpeak territory) is Mac and Cheese. Don’t ask me how it became nanee. But that’s what it is. “Bo’s” is all my fault. I started by playfully calling her vegetables “vegetabos” so she, naturally, shortened it to “bo’s”. Good job, Mommy. “Appy” is applesauce and surprises me since she can say “apple” quite clearly but it has taken on a life of its’ own. So “appy” it is. Of course, most of the time I try to use the correct words for them but I find myself slipping into her language more often than I’d like. It’s just too cute!

She still has no interest in moving from pureed vegetables to steamed/chopped/anything-but-pureed vegetables so I think I’m going to have to get creative. Add to that a resistance to using a spoon and you have goopy, messy, colorful vegetables all over The Tot, the placemat, the booster seat, the lovely dining room table, and the floor. Luckily I’m not all that uptight about stuff not getting everywhere. There will be time to be neat. This is not the time. I feel pretty strongly about not restricting her from doing stuff just because it creates more work for me. It’s my job. This is the time for her to explore smooshing vegetables and other foods all over her face and in her hands and smacking them on the table to see what happens. Never mind that they splatter on my Momiform .

Luckily, we have come a ways since that post last summer. I’ve made some strides toward reclaiming a modicum of style although the white t-shirts are still in part-time residence and the style is quite casual. The hair…well, it’s still in a ponytail most of the time but at least it’s well-maintained with a nice cut and highlights. And I’ve added some earrings most days. Little studs that are difficult to grab and rip out of my earlobes. The shoes are still flip flops or tennies but I don’t think that’s going to change any time soon.

Maybe I’m just remedial when it comes to Mommyhood but it seems like it’s taken me this long to really settle into feeling comfortable with my Mommyness and find my Mommy Style. I’ve always loved being Princess Tater Tot’s Mommy but it has taken me a while to become more confident in my Mommy Skills and with the changes in my Mommy Body. Less freaking out at every little thing and over-analyzing every little decision. Not that I’m all the way there yet. But I feel good.

Hey, there! It’s been a while. How are you? And the kids? Anything new? You look great!

Yes, The Mommy has been Flaky Post-er Mommy for the past week or so. But if you read my post here you will understand a little bit more about my nature and why I sometimes don’t post every day. Or every other day. Or sometimes for a week! I like writing every day. Sometimes I just don’t get around to it. Maybe I’ll pick up some of those “round-to-it’s” at WalMart today. Yeah, yeah…stupid joke. I know. It’s the caffeine.

For the past week I have been indulging in a cup of coffee every morning. Prior to this, I had been decaffeinated for 5 years except for a brief stint just before New Year’s. It’s amazing what a little caffeine can do for months of sleep deprivation! I was doing okay without it but I just really enjoy a morning coffee buzz. I am aware that I am not fit for public when I am buzzing on caffeine (it doesn’t take much!) and plan my day accordingly. Although I’m sure there is an entertainment factor for those around me… The Tater Tot seems to like Twitchy Mommy just fine! She thinks I’m funny. Captive audience…what does she know?

Last week we went back to the Developmental Clinic at the hospital where Tater Tot was born for her one year check-up. They do things according to her “adjusted age” since she was born preemie. So they were evaluating her on fine and gross motor skills, eating, sleeping, and language skills. As I thought, she’s right where she should be. Actually, she’s ahead of where she should be in some areas. She walked circles around the place and could hardly condescend to sit down to do what the physical therapist wanted her to do for fine motor skills. It was pretty hilarious. She’s just so into walking right now that hardly anything else holds her interest!

It was also reassuring for me to hear that she may not talk as much because she is so intent on walking. AND that, when she starts talking more, she may regress with her walking skills. I am SO glad they told me that because Paranoid First-Time Mommy would have been looking up everything she could find on autism the moment those walking skills regressed. One of these days I’ll lighten up (she said hopefully!).

Of course they weighed and measured her, which is always fun now that she is a toddler. She doesn’t like to stand/sit/lay still for anything, not even a diaper change so good luck getting her to do that for statistics! They weighed her with a relatively full cloth diaper and her clothes on which prompted the neonatologist to comment, “She eats too much” in her heavy accent of unknown origin. She made this comment based on her height and head circumference being in the 50th percentile and her weight being in the 90th percentile. It’s a valid comment, I guess, if she had been weighed correctly but, as those of you who cloth diaper know, a relatively full cloth diaper adds a lot more weight than a full disposable. Think about getting a dish towel wet and putting it in your child’s diaper when he/she is weighed. So, the doc grilled me about what I feed her, which isn’t anything unusual, I don’t think. We talked about how much to feed her for a little bit and then dropped it because The Princess had reached the end of her attention span and her rope and was not going to allow us to continue.

All in all, a good visit and Tater Tot has no issues to speak of. The weight comment stuck in my craw a bit but I’m doing the best I can. What can I do? Cut back on Cheerios? Not feed her as many quesadillas? I’m trying to get her to eat more veggies but, as many of you know, getting a toddler to eat veggies is like herding cats sometimes. So I’m focusing more on getting her to eat a balanced diet. But, really, I know that she is doing fine. I don’t feed her crappy junk food. I don’t feed her all-organic, home made food either but I think I do better than average. I don’t believe that she’s at an unhealthy weight and she is a happy, active child. So I’m just going to do the best I can to get her to eat those veggies and not worry too much about it after that. What else can a Mommy do?

I have finally found foods that Princess Tater Tot won’t eat.  I never thought this day would come because she has previously eaten whatever I put in front of her.  Sometimes with a funny face but she will then eat it until she ends up liking it.  “Fake it ’til you make it”, if you will.  Well, not so with yogurt and avocado.  Not together, mind you.  I have tried avocado alone, avocado with cream cheese and tomato (a dip recipe I found in Superfoods: For Babies and Children), guacamole.  Hey, wait a minute!  The other day when The Grandma came to take us out to lunch, Tater Tot ate the avocado in The Grandma’s salad!  I guess it’s just the avocados that The Mommy tries to get her to eat.  Hm.  But she still won’t eat yogurt.  I’ve tried yogurt with apples and pears, yogurt with cinnamon, yogurt with plums (her absolute favorite fruit) and she’s still not liking it.  In fact, I’m wasting lots and lots of yogurt and energy concocting these lovely dishes and she takes two reluctant bites then shuts her mouth until I give her something different.  She’s even starting to make faces at the oatmeal I make for breakfast.  I don’t know why I’m surprised that she’s developing tastes of her own.  Isn’t that her job as a little person? 

Okay, so I keep talking about getting to bed at a decent hour and taking care of myself but here I am again, up past my bed time.  It’s not my fault!  I got sucked in over at IzzyMom  reading her post about the breastfeeding pic that got kicked off of MySpace and all the comments.  Then I clicked on links for one or two more posts dealing with breastfeeding in public and before I knew it, it was late (lots and LOTS of comments to read)!  Well, late for me.  Late for me is not late for most.  But I get up super-duper-early because The Tot usually wakes up early too.

I gotta say, I will never understand why people have such a problem with breastfeeding.  I just won’t.  It boggles my mind how/why people sexualize this.  I swear that with The Tot, if I didn’t occasionally breastfeed in public, I never would have been able to leave the house!  She was nursing almost constantly at one point and I DIDN’T leave the house for quite a long time.  Being a new first-time mother I was so overwhelmed and needed to get out of the house so badly that I just kind of did whatever I wanted or felt I needed to.  I didn’t really think much about what other people thought.  Granted, I don’t think I ever breastfed in the middle of a mall but I have been known to breastfeed in major discount store parking lots.  And at the doctor’s office.  And at the physical therapist’s office.  And I think once at a restaurant.  I don’t necessarily understand some women’s belligerence about the issue either but I do understand their desire to not be made to feel like a freak just because they are nursing their child.  For me there was a complete change of attitude once I became a mother.  In my younger years I had been known to wear some pretty short skirts and I’ve bared my midriff more times than I can count but was always relatively modest about showing my “naughty bits” (as modest as you can be while wearing a bikini…I grew up in a beach town.  Ha, that’s kinda funny….modest while wearing a bikini!).  My modesty didn’t change but my attitude about my body definitely did.  Of course I didn’t want other people seeing my breasts but I also so overwhelmingly felt like breastfeeding was the most natural thing in the world to do that they almost became like feet to me.  Okay, that sounds really weird.  But, hopefully you understand what I mean!  I was not interested in intentionally showing my breasts just because I was breastfeeding but they were just so “functional” that I didn’t think about them the same way.  Anyway, I’m sure the debates and “nurse-ins” and passionate arguments on both sides will rage on.  But I still won’t understand why there’s an issue in the first place.  Maybe I’m just too naive and simplistic in my thinking.  But it’s keepin’ me outta trouble for now so I’m stickin’ with it!

Buttpuffs are the name for those casualty Puffs that don’t quite make it to Princess Tater Tot’s mouth when she crams them in 5 at a time and get stuck on her butt when The Mommy picks her up after the meal.  The Daddy doesn’t like that name but it makes The Mommy laugh and that’s all that matters!  So the name stays.  They do more than just make The Mommy laugh, too.  They serve a convenient purpose.  You see, when the meal is over, Princess Tater Tot tends to throw a minor fit.  Yes, she likes food as much as her Mommy and is upset when the meal is over.  So Buttpuffs serve to transition us from sitting in the high chair eating to whatever activity comes afterwards.  The Mommy picks Tater Tot up while crying, picks a Puff off of her backside and conveniently pops it in her mouth while moving on to the next activitiy.  Okay, I can hear the collective “Ewwww, gross!” but a Mommy’s gotta do what a Mommy’s gotta do!  Hey, it works!  And I do clean off the high chair (and her backside) between meals so I DO know that it’s not a week-old Buttpuff.  Oh God, what a concept…week old Buttpuffs!  That’s enough to even make ME gag!

The other morning while Tater Tot was eating her breakfast of scrambled egg with cheese, cereal and yogurt with fruit, she asserted her independence in a way that had me rolling on the floor!  Normally I let her eat chunks of fruit so she can practice feeding herself but that particular morning I had blended yogurt with frozen blueberries so she didn’t have any finger foods.  She was really enjoying her eggs and put out one of her little fingers to touch them, I thought.  She often likes to touch her food with one finger to see what it feels like.  Before I knew it, she had grabbed MOST of the eggs in one little fist and crammed them into her mouth!  I started laughing so hard I was almost crying!  It was so cute because between chewing furiously and trying to cram the rest of the eggs in, she started laughing along with me.  She’s serious about her food.  Or as The Daddy says “She’s an eater!”  Like Mother Like Daughter….

Now that The Tot is eating chunkier foods but still shouldn’t have a lot of salt, I decided to find baby-friendly recipes.  I came across Superfoods: For Babies and Children and have tried a few of the recipes.  They’re pretty simple for the most part.  Today we tried Tasty Egg and Tomato With Cheese Sauce for breakfast.  It was new so Tater Tot was a little leary but she ate about half of it in addition to her usual cereal and fruit.  Not bad for a first try.  Superbowl Sunday I made her the Creamy Avocado Dip.  She didn’t like that one as much but I think it had to do with the consistency of the tomatoes.  So I asked The Daddy if he wanted to add some seasonings and use it as a dip for his chips!  What a bonus, huh?  It’s really fun to see her start to self-feed.  Sure it takes longer but that’s why I’m a stay at home Mom.  So I’ll have the time to let her play with her food! 

Money-saving tip: See if your local library has this book and try it before you buy it.  That’s where I found it.

As it turns out, The Princess has become quite the screamer when it comes to shots of any kind lately.  When she was younger she was such a trooper!  Had blood drawn at one month old, nary a peep at her immunizations, and didn’t flinch at her flu shot.  But today she made it clear that she did NOT, I repeat DID NOT want a shot of any kind.  Or to have her clothes taken off.  Or to be weighed so that they could get the proper dosing for the shot.  Or to have her clothes put back on.  Or to do anything besides rest comfortably snuggled in her Mama’s arms with her chin draped dramatically over my shoulder sniffling quietly (and not so quietly).   Phew, the drama of it all.  But we got it done and the doc said that she might not need another shot this RSV season because the RSV activity may die down by next month.  That would be nice.

More drama at dinnertime.  We’re out of Puffs (Tater Tot’s favorite appetizer).  Oh, the horror!  How can The Princess be expected to sit in her high chair and wait for Mommy to make her dinner without an appetizer?  So, The Mommy improvised and Princess Tater Tot got her first taste of spelt tortilla.  Spelt is a kind of wheat that doesn’t seem to produce the reaction that normal wheat gluten does.  Pretty tasty, too.  Flexibility…it’s what Mommies do.

Well, it is day 12 of the New Year’s Resolution that I don’t even remember why I’ve made anymore and I have not yet caved.  Whoda’ thunk it was possible?  Oh yeah, now I remember that I’m doing it because I want to feel better and get in better shape so I can keep up with Princess Tater Tot!  So far it’s working pretty well.  But I can feel that I am starting to sabotage myself.  For the past couple of nights I have consciously stayed up too late on the computer or reading or watching mindless TV and have gotten to bed too late.  It’s MUCH harder to deal with life on a daily basis when you are not getting enough sleep.  And I’m not.  Getting.  Enough.  Sleep. 

Another way that I am sabotaging myself is to make lists.  “What’s wrong with making lists?” you ask.  Nothing.  In theory.  But my lists end up looking like Santa’s big ‘ol long list ‘o kids to deliver toys to.  Pages and pages and pages of things that I’d like to do.  I finally had to say to myself this morning “Um, Self, this list is waaaay too long.  You need to seriously edit this sucker and just take your kid to the park today!”  Especially with my new-found desire to slow down and simplify.  As Dr. Phil would say “How’s that workin’ for ya’?”  Uh, not very well.  Although yesterday during Princess Tater Tot’s second nap I did light a log, snuggle under “the cozy” (the warmest, best blanket in the universe) and read a book the entire time.  That is an accomplishment in and of itself for me!  Of course with the gloomy weather, fire in the fireplace, snuggling in the cozy, it really made me crave a nice glass of wine…  I settled for a cup of decaf with cream and Splenda.  Not quite the same.  Actually, not even close but I am committed to at least 31 days of this torture.  Oh, I didn’t tell you guys, did I?  This is only a 31 day resolution.  No, I’m not making excuses so that I can have sugar, caffeine and alcohol after January is over…honest!  You can even ask The Daddy!  It’s basically just a jump start since every day had become a “cheat day” and I realized that I was eating in an unhealthy way.  A sugar and stimulant detox of sorts.

But I digress.  It turns out that, if you combine lack of sleep with long lists of necessary and unnecessary tasks to do, you have a recipe for “comfort eating”.  I have edited my list of things I’d like to get done today to include very little.  The house is relatively clean, I know what I’m going to make for dinner tonight, and other than cleaning, feeding and dressing both myself and the Princess, I’ll only have a very few things left to do.  Guess I’d better go get started on those things while she’s still napping…