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Let me start by saying that I think that Tater Tot has a full grasp of how to drink out of a “reg’lar cup” as we call them around here. I really think she does. That being said, she has managed to spill some sort of liquid from said cups just about every meal for months. Juice, milk, water, it doesn’t matter. It’s usually when I have finished my meal and have gotten up to clean dishes or tidy the kitchen. She is right there. I am right there. There is no more than 15 feet between us and yet she feels the need to get my attention by playing with her cup and spilling stuff all over the place. Sticks her hands in them, makes “cup houses”, bangs them on the table while full of liquid, puts her utensils in them. Whatever it takes to make the spill happen, really. She’s willing to go the distance.

I don’t know if this is the way most mommies feel about it but it’s just plain irritating to me. I try to modulate my reaction so that I don’t make it a big deal. It’s only water/milk/juice anyway. And there is a good chance that she’s doing it on purpose to get my reaction so I bite my tongue, slap a happy face on it and sweetly say “Oops! Let’s clean it up now.” If I could sit still to save my life I might try staying at the table with her until she’s done with her meal to test my theory that she’s trying to get my attention. I’m not sure that’s possible, though, seeing as she takes 40 minutes to eat and I tend to pop up like a gopher out of its hole after 2 minutes of sitting still (what’s that about??). Of course she’s not “on task” that whole time. She takes breaks to wave her utensils around and play with her food but, still. Hey! Smart Mommy here just had an idea: I wonder if she’d stay on task and eat faster if I stayed at the table. It’s worth a try, anyway. What do I have to lose?

Up next: pick your battles.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you Mommies out there! I have thoroughly enjoyed my day. We took a little trip to the beach this morning where I contemplated surfing but it was super-duper small and it was posted unhealthful due to bacteria levels. So I decided to go for a walk/jog by myself instead while The Daddy and Tater Tot played on the beach. Then The Daddy decided he wanted to go out into the unhealthful, small surf so Tater Tot and I played on the beach for a while. The Daddy made breakfast and even gave The Tot a bath once we got home from the beach! Then I got to go shopping by myself without worrying about entertaining The Tot or running after her or having to get home by a certain time to do anything. What a gift! For once I was able to try bras on without Tater Tot proclaiming loudly “Mommy’s got a bra-ha-ha on!”. It was nice. Then we ordered take-out from my favorite place and it was yummy!

There have been several things going on since I last blogged on a regular basis so let me update you. It’s not all that earth-shattering but I figured why not let you know? For one, I have lost 9 pounds. That’s after I gained 5 over the holidays and had not been able to get them off regardless of my proclamations that I would be steadfast in my New Year’s Resolutions. The resolutions did NOT stick. But around the beginning of April I found www.my-calorie-counter.com and started tracking my calories. I HATE, HATE, HATE counting calories but, guess what? It’s working. So I have been pretty focused on nutrition and exercise for the past month and it has worked. I feel more comfortable in my own skin. I still have 5 pounds to go but my clothes fit right again and I feel like I’m at least back to Normal Mommy instead of Schlubby Mommy Whose Pants Are Too Tight. In fact, I am a few pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight and able to wear clothes that I haven’t been able to wear in a couple of years! It feels good.

The most major Tot-related thing that has been going on is just Two-Ness. The Tot saying “No” to most everything I say, taking foooorrrreeeeevvvvveeeer to do most things that could take two seconds (can you tell that’s a peeve of mine?), dissolving into a puddle of tears and tantrums at the slightest provocation, and generally just exercising her right to change her mind every 5 seconds. Discipline is starting to come into play but I’ve thought long and hard about the things that I need to “time her out” for. I don’t have a comprehensive list or anything but, at least at this point, I feel like if it’s just inconveniencing me (i.e. doing things slower than I’d like) or not doing things exactly when/how I ask her to do it the first time, then I need to reserve the time out and let her be herself. Provide consequences for not listening to me and doing what I ask like “You took too long so now there isn’t time to do thus-and-so” or “Since you didn’t listen to Mommy, you can’t do this-or-that”. I need to plan that things will take longer than I expect and make sure that she understands the things that are absolute no-no’s. As I’m typing that I wonder if I will be spoiling her. And then I wonder what the value is of having a kid that will “snap to” when I ask her to do something. I don’t want her to be Robot Kid but I also do NOT want to have a Spoiled Girl and I can’t just have her ignoring Mommy, can I? There’s gotta be something in between and I am on a quest to find it. Sometimes I feel like I need a concrete plan for parenting or Tater Tot will feel the effects of how schizophrenic I sometimes feel about parenting! But I guess that parenting can be schizophrenic so maybe I should just learn how to go with the flow a little bit more, huh? Hasn’t ever been my strong suit as you can probably tell if you have read my over-analyzing, neurotic posts in the past. So, for the time being, am I taking many deep cleansing breaths, reciting my mantra “She is two. She is two. She is two.” under my breath and remembering that despite her two-ness right now, she is the best, most amazing little girl on the planet and I am lucky to be her Mommy!

She’s two. She is so two right now I can’t stand it. Feeling crappy doesn’t do much for the amount of patience that I have either, unfortunately. I am irritable and short of humor sometimes. Like when it takes 10 minutes to go down the stairs because she wants to slide down head-first on her belly and I won’t let her. Or she has to examine every bump on our textured walls as she makes her way down. And comment on them, too. Or go down on her bottom. No, on her feet. Wait, no, the bottom again. “Uh, mmm, uh…Mommy make quack sounds.” And I wonder if it’s just me being old and tired or if her behavior has gotten more demanding and outlandish. Maybe a little bit of both. I wish they would just figure out what the heck’s wrong with me already so I could feel better and eliminate that factor altogether.

We had a rocky time running errands this morning and The Mommy got a crash course in Timeouts-On-The-Go. They didn’t work, basically. I will tell her not to do something and she will look me in the eye while she does it. Or I will ask her to do something and she pretends not to hear me. I was shocked the first time she used this tactic. I’m not sure why I was shocked. Why should my experience be any different than any of yours? Why would my child not exert her independence cleverly disguised as defiance just like anybody else’s children? The thing that disturbs me the most is the taking a swipe at me. She doesn’t hit hard but she definitely strikes out in frustration. That is nothing that she has ever seen us do and we’ve told her several times already that, in our family we never, never, never hit people or animals. I’m kind of devastated right now although I know I’ll bounce back. She’s just Testin’ The Momma.

On a more positive note, she’s back on the potty seat after two weeks of quiet “no’s” when I asked her if she wanted to go potty on the potty seat. The defiance is hitting me just like the potty training did at first. I’m just not prepared for my sweet little angel to push the boundaries while learning how to handle her frustration appropriately. Tantrums I can handle. The defiance just took me by surprise. And it kinda pushes my buttons. Guess I’d better get ready and quick, huh?

We went to a birthday party on Sunday at a local “Gymboree” type place and, let’s just say it wasn’t Tater Tot’s favorite experience. I did manage to get some video of her actually enjoying herself but she spent a good portion of the party attached to my hip. More accurately, on my hip. Which doesn’t bode well for the progress that I’ve made at physical therapy with my lower back and shoulder problems but that’s another story for another day…

As we drive up to the place I hear a little excited voice say from the back seat, “Dere’s toys in dere”. She continues to be excited as we get out of the car and gather birthday present, diaper bag, etc. and walk into the place. Then, when two other kids show up, she cries and says “Want Mommy to pick you up”. We get our shoes off, start into the fun zone, and explore a little bit without further drama. She actually enjoys the slides, the trampoline, and a few of the obstacle course-type thingies but when the structured activities begin, she becomes attached to the hip again. I attempt to get her to participate with fairly disastrous results and spend much of my time speaking in a soothing tone away from the activity to get her to calm down. We watch and take pictures of the birthday girl being wheeled around in the birthday wagon with balloons attached and then everyone heads into the room in the back for cake. That is the point at which The Tater Tot makes it clear that it is time to go home. Wailing is usually a sign that a child is past her limit. Duh, Mommy.

I really thought she’d like the experience of being at the gym and, without the other kids and noise, I think she would have. Of course, kids and noise go hand-in-hand with kids’ gyms so I guess she didn’t have a fighting chance. At first, I was a little disturbed that she didn’t like it since all the other kids seemed absolutely fine with it and seemed to be having a great time. Mine was the only kid screaming and crying and saying “no” to all of the activities. In hindsight, I should have picked up on the fact that she wasn’t feelin’ it sooner but I guess I thought that, once she got in there and participated, she’d have a good time. Sometimes she’s reluctant at first but when she gets into it, she’s fine. I came away from the experience having learned two things. One, it was worth a shot. I didn’t know that she wouldn’t like it at this age. Now I do. And two, this is another opportunity for Mommy to realize that Tater Tot is who she is. She is a wonderful little girl who is sweet and social when she feels comfortable and is not shy about letting you know when she is uncomfortable (hence the crying and screaming and saying “no”). She is her own little person and, regardless of what I want or what I think, she needs to be allowed to be who she is. And she is just not into crowds and noise right now no matter what all else is going on. I still think it’s good for her to go to parties and such. I’ll just take her knowing that I need to pay closer attention to when it’s time to go home…

A recent exchange at our house during a lazy, playful afternoon:

Tater Tot: Pfffthhh! (fart)

The Mommy from across the room: “Tater Tot tooted! Oh my goodness! Did you toot?!”

Tater Tot: *Giggle, giggle* “Mommy tooted!” (Runs to The Mommy and collapses in a heap on the floor giggling)

The Mommy: “No you don’t! Don’t you blame your toots on The Mommy!”

Tater Tot: *Hee, hee* “Mommy tooted!”

The Mommy: “Did you learn that from The Daddy? Are you going to blame it on The Dog too?”

Tater Tot: “Doggie tooted!”

The Mommy: “Oh no! That wasn’t The Doggie, that was Tater Tot. And it was a stinky one! Peeeeezhyewwwww!”

Tater Tot: *Giggle, giggle. Squirm, squirm*

Farts are almost always funny at our house. Unless they are big man-sized ones that drive you out of the room. The Tot isn’t big enough or stinky enough for that yet. Thank God. In the mean time, it’s still cute. For now.

The Tater Tot’s words of the day are “overachiever” and “accessible”. “What the heck?”, you ask. These are the words that Tater Tot repeated completely clearly while I was having a conversation with the preschool teacher today. We were talking about a relative who has her entire house decorated for Christmas, all of her hundreds of presents bought and wrapped and under the tree and just had a hysterectomy two weeks ago. I said, “Overachiever!” and Tater Tot parroted back “Overachiever” perfectly clearly! We all about fell out laughing. Later we were singing “Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes” and she commented that Tater Tot’s toes were right there (Uh, I forgot her shoes today…yeah, not winning Mother of the Year) and I said they were “accessible”. Loudly and clearly she says “accessible!”. I swear this kid cracks me up…

And, yes, you read that right. I got all the way to preschool and realized that The Tot had socks on but no shoes. Gak! I have no idea how that happened. I knew right where the shoes were that I had planned to put on her but, between getting her sippy cup, my shoes and sunglasses, making sure the diaper bag was stocked with the essentials, and getting out the door on time, that little detail was missed. I knew that there was a WalMart down the street from the preschool so I thought I’d just pop in and get her an inexpensive pair of new shoes. I was so proud of myself for thinking on my feet when I realized (in the WalMart parking lot, of course) that I had left my wallet upstairs by the computer when I was renewing our library books. Oh Good Lord! What the heck happened to my brain today? Did it leak out my ears? On top of that all, I had not written down when I had snack duty and thought it was next week but wasn’t 100% sure. There was a little niggling in the back of my brain that said “You’d better call just to make sure”. Thankfully she called me back and let me know that I didn’t have snack duty this week because I was only 75% prepared. It would have been a much more hectic morning than it already was.

Can you imagine what a wreck I would be with more than one child? I don’t even want to think about it.

No, I’m not putting her in day care and going back to work. Tater Tot and I are going to “Pre-School” today! At least that’s what our city rec department calls it. It’s basically a Mommy and Me playgroup dealie that I signed us up for since I have been negligent in making it to the Mommy Group events that are free! Yeah, leave it to me. I’m not winning any Mother of The Year awards. As she has had precious little interaction with other children (and I have had the same amount with other mothers!), I thought it’d be a good idea. I think she’ll enjoy it judging from her reactions to other kids at the park and the beach. She walks up and just looks at them and grins. She’s not overly outgoing, just curious. So, we’ll see! I’ll let you know how it goes…

UPDATE: She had fun! She was the only child that cried during all of the transitions and had a security item with her (yes, Mr. Duckie did come with us!) but, overall, she had a great time! It was very cute that she talked so much. More than any other child, for sure. Even during Quiet Time. From the very beginning when I was filling out our heart-shaped name tags, she piped up “Hearta, hearta.” And “Nummy, nummy.” during Quiet Snack Time. She’s still a little shy around other kids, though. Interested in what they’re doing but when they approach her too quickly, “Mommy!” and she comes a-runnin’. I tried really hard to stand back and let her go instead of hover but with her feeling so obviously insecure the first day, I hate to say, I hovered a lot. But there were times when she was across the room doin’ her thing and I was just watching. She’ll get there. Or should I say “We’ll get there”?

This is what The Tot tells anyone who is trying to hug or love on her when she is interested in doing something other than hugging or loving. And, yes, it’s all my fault. One day when I asked “Can Mommy have Little Huggies?” and she got flustered (I took that to be a “no”), I said “That’s okay, Tater Tot is busy, busy, busy.” And of course she repeated “Bissy, bissy, bissy.” So now she automatically says “Bissy, bissy, bissy” when someone tries to invade her space. I doubt she really knows what it means but it’s clear that she knows that it keeps her from having to do something that she doesn’t want to do right that minute (having her personal space invaded). And that’s what matters. It doesn’t sound cuddly and lovey that there are times that my child doesn’t want to be hugged by me or anyone else but that’s who she is. She is plenty affectionate at other times when she is not intent on exploring the entire universe (and she does want to explore it all!). I’m secretly glad that I inadvertently taught her “bissy, bissy” because it helps her to assert her independence. If she can stand up to me, she surely can stand up to the poor influences that will cross her path down the road, right? I am not going to be The Mommy that insists that The Tot kisses her Auntie So-And-So or Grandma or Whoever. She’ll kiss them if she wants to. If not, they’ll know that they’ve got a little more work to do getting to know her before she wants to be affectionate with them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to let her be rude but I also won’t let other people break the boundaries that she feels comfortable with. Hey, can you tell I’ve thought about this a little? Yeah, I know. I think A LOT.

*Heavy Sigh* It’s been a long couple of days. Wednesday was not fun and yesterday we were recuperating. Let me rephrase that: I was recuperating and The Tater Tot was running circles around me all day while I tried to get her to slow down.

Wednesday started out well just like every other day at our house. Up at the crack of dawn, “music and dancing” when we get up to ease the indignation at having to have the diapers changed (she hates diaper changes these days), breakfast and a walk, playtime, nap time…you get the picture. Just percolating along as usual. Until Tater Tot took a spill that freaked me out. The way that she fell was such that I thought it best to take her to the Urgent Care facility just in case. I am a Cautious Mommy and am not prone to being laid back about all things physical/medical.

After the fall, Tater cried for a couple of minutes. Mostly, I think, because I screamed bloody murder and scooped her up, walking frantically around the house telling her that she was okay. After she stopped crying, she seemed fine but I was absolutely NOT fine so I loaded her in the car and we set out for Urgent Care.

While waiting at Urgent Care, The Tater Tot had the overwhelming urge to walk around the waiting room and, since some of it was tile, I took her socks off so she wouldn’t slip. We walked and walked and walked while everyone around smiled and told me she was just the cutest thing. Once we got in the waiting room I realized that her feet were nearing black in color. Hmmm…clean the waiting room much?

Apparently, the doctor we saw is as conservative as I am about all things medical and he recommended at least having her x-rayed. They couldn’t do that at Urgent Care. Why, I don’t know. So we had to go to the Emergency Room. Okay. Not great but not the end of the world. Although he wanted to transport us by ambulance, which I thought was a bit much since she was showing no signs that anything was wrong. But I understand they have protocol and all that. Wouldn’t have been a big deal. The local ER is three blocks from Urgent Care. Super. Let’s go. Uh, they’re on “bypass” whatever the heck that means. We get to take a half hour ambulance ride halfway down the county to the children’s hospital instead. All the while, Tater Tot is crying and agitated since they had to strap her car seat onto a gurney to transport her in the ambulance. Seriously, she was laughing and “talking” to me the whole way to Urgent Care without a single tear or concern. It would have been much better for her if they would have let me load her in her freakin’ car seat in MY car and just driven her down there myself. Protocol. What-freakin’-ever!

So I am using all available energy to calm her down and get her to the point where the paramedic in the ambulance can take her vitals continuously on the half hour ride after spending 20 minutes waiting for them to get the green light to even load her in the stupid ambulance and I realize that I have had to pee since we got to Urgent Care over an hour ago. I am agitated.

Since this is already a very long story, I’ll begin abbreviating. I spent 4 1/2 hours at the children’s hospital, 3 1/2 of which was spent holding and rocking The Tater Tot before The Daddy arrived. We spent a total of 15 minutes face time (if that) with anybody much less the doctor and were sent home with—luckily—nothing wrong.

On the ride home, I am in the back with Tater Tot dialing the phone trying to get ahold of the Urgent Care facility where my car is still parked to see if they tow if I leave it overnight. Since it is already an hour past Tater’s bed time and we are all pretty exhausted, we’re hoping that they don’t. I finally get ahold of them and they are nice enough to tell the security guard that I will be back to pick up my car after The Daddy gets off work the next day so they won’t tow it. I look over and Tater has eaten half of the hot pink “Visitor” sticker that I stuck on her for fun and she has her black, dirty foot in her mouth. I swear they’re going to yank my Mommy License and never give it back.

When we get home, I feed The Tot and put her down while The Daddy is off getting us dinner from the local fast food place since we never do that and we are both feeling the need for french fries. An hour, many fries and an ice cream Drumstick later, I am almost passed out on the couch so I go to bed, grateful that the day is over.

Yesterday I observed Tater closely all day and tried to get her to slow down but she wasn’t havin’ it. She seems fine and is acting normal so I’m sure she’s okay. *Exhale* Phew. Did I forget to breathe?

Every morning, The Tater Tot and I go for a walk/jog/whatever around our neighborhood. Some days are jogs for Mommy and other days are walks for Tater Tot to touch the leaves and flowers. Hot pink flowers, little purple flowers, red and green leaves, short palm fronds, ivy, and so many more! We see and feel sprinklers and doggies and wave to the people walking by us. It doesn’t ever get too cold here during the winter but you can still feel a difference when “Spring has sprung”. And our neighbors’ landscaping sure does look different during the Spring season. Everything comes alive.

The other day, as we were eating our lunch, Tater Tot pointed to her sippy cup that has flowers on it. Vwa-vwa. Vwa-vwa-vwa-vwa *high-pitched sing-song*. Points to the tulips on the dining table “vwa-vwa’. So I’m singing “vwa-vwa-vwa” back to her when I finally realize that there is a pattern here. “Yes, Sweetie, those are flowers.” Duh, Mommy.

Spring has sprung and the vwa-vwas are in bloom!