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Last night was the worst night we’ve had since Princess Tater Tot was 3 months old and colicky.  I remember doing the “Tater Tot Stairmaster” up and down and up and down our staircase singing “I’m going up the stairs with Tater Tot in my arms” over and over and over until I was pouring sweat and I thought I was going to die because that is the only thing that would keep her from screaming her head off.  Man, have I gotten spoiled since then!  But last night I felt like I had gone back in time.  She woke up at 9pm wailing.  I gave her homeopathic teething tablets.  Still crying.  Walked and swayed and sang.  Still fussy.  Gave her Tylenol.  Let her play on the big comfy chair with the lights low (yeah, like that makes a difference!  Playing is playing and she probably thinks that she can wake up and play in the middle of the night all the time now!).  Calm, smiling, happy.  Until I start the “sleepytime routine” again.  Then screamin’ her head off.  To top it off we had a house guest.  Suffice it to say he didn’t get a lot of sleep last night either.

Three and a half hours later, she is still fussy.  What the hell?  I’ve given her all the medication I feel comfortable giving her, I have rocked her, given her an extra bottle, and generally done every flippin’ thing I can think of and….NOTHIN’!  Not even a HINT of readiness to go to sleep.  Finally I just let her wail in her crib because I was about to just fall down dead!  Well, that woke up The Daddy and he took over.  It took him another hour to rock her to sleep.

What happened to my happy little sleeper?  Who came in the night and replaced her with Alien Baby With Attitude? Granted, she is getting six new teeth in various stages of breaking through but I did dose her up with all the stuff that’s supposed to make it better. AND she seemed abso-friggin-lutely FINE while we were sitting quietly and she was shaking the homeopathic teething tablet bottle and grinning like the Cheshire Cat.  That’s why I’m wondering if it’s part teething and part separation anxiety.  She is rather attached to The Mommy right now…  Maybe I’ll never know but all I can say is I’m really, really, really glad that whatever it is, it will pass.  I just hope I can last until it does…

On a happier note, we went to the beach today and she had a ball!  She loved playing in the sand and watching the birds fly around.  That’s good news for me.  Maybe this kid will end up being a surfer like her Mommy.  It sure would make it easier for me to get back in the water.  As soon as this kid can swim, I gotta get her on a surf board.

I know that this entry will resonate with someone out there.  Today I was playing with The Princess Tater Tot and happened to spy her longer-than-Mommy’s fingernails.  And mine ain’t short.  They’re not super-long but Tater Tot’s are longer!  It seems like I just trimmed ‘em yesterday!  Then I spy the orange ear wax collecting in her little ear.  Didn’t I just dig all of that out yesterday, too?  And as she turns her sweet little face up to me I see a ginormous booger in her nose.  Aw, crap.  I KNOW she’s not gonna like me digging in there.  As we sit down for lunch, I notice that I have again failed to clean her high chair tray from the last meal and it is crusted over with gunk.  Blech.  Time to whip out the dishrag and disinfecting wipes.  And when I’m changing her there is the unmistakeable whiff of Pooky Pants Past since I am holding off on buying another fragrant diaper pail refill because we are transitioning to cloth diapers (if they would ever arrive!).  Then, of course, there is the ever-present laundry/dishwasher/toilet swish/counter-swipe/put-stuff-away duty of the day.  Lest anyone think that I am complaining, I am not.  I am merely observing how things you think you have a handle on creep up on you and pinch you in the arse when you aren’t looking.  And I am considering myself pinched.  In the arse.

Waking up at 3am with your head spinning is only supposed to happen in college, right?  After the blow-out party of the century?  Well, it seems that every three months this happens to me just for fun with no alcohol involved!  Blech.  At least I’m getting used to it so I know to take a Dramamine first thing when I feel it and do the exercises that the doc gave me that are supposed to “re-orient” whatever it is that goes whack-a-doodle in my ear canal from time to time.  The good news is that I’m not dizzy so that I can take care of Princess Tater Tot in a two-story house without fearing for our safety.  The not-so-great news is that the Dramamine knocks me on my caboose for a day or two.  It feels like I’m operating on three hours sleep.  So, it may be a “multimedia learning day” today.  A Mommy’s gotta do what a Mommy’s gotta do…

Huh.  I had planned to go to a Mommy Group event again today.  Figures.

Today there was supposed to be a park play date at 10:15.  I didn’t RSVP because every time I do, it just doesn’t work out (see last post!).  So I figured we’d just wing it and see what happened.  I put the Princess down at the usual time and she talked to herself for a while as per usual.  She fell asleep a little earlier than usual and I started to hope against hope that we might actually make it!  So, I got on the Mommy Group web site to get directions just as she is waking up.  We’re looking good!  We’ve got a half hour to get her dressed, get out the door and get there!  I quickly navigate to the calendar, click on the event to get the directions and what do I see on the right side of the page but “This event has been cancelled”!  Aw crap!  I swear I’m not meant to make new friends.  The universe is conspiring against me!  Oh well…I guess I’m doomed to be Lonely Mommy.

On an unrelated note, I have been a bit MIA because I have been completely sucked in by The Office – Season Two.  It is hilarious!  It’s not a show that I’ve seen more than a few snippets of but I got completely hooked and was laughing my arse off!  Most of my spare moments have been spent watching the episodes, blooper reel, deleted scenes…you get the picture.  It’s been a bit all-consuming.  I’ve also been checking out the cloth diapering thing and bidding on some on ebay, which has been taking up the rest of my spare time! I’ve also made my own reusable diaper wipes out of old receiving blankets. It’s super-easy!  And if you give me a stick of gum, a tampon, and a paper clip I can get you out of almost any sticky situation you might be in! Just kidding.  I’d need a pair of tube socks, too.

Okay, so yesterday I managed to smush Princess Tater Tot’s little fingers in her high chair, forget about a doctor’s appointment for her, and be quite late with one of her feedings due to running off to the doctor because they said they could squeeze us in.  I’m not winning Mother Of The Year.  But I got a chance to make it up to her when she woke up crying last night.  I ended up rocking her a bit more but she wouldn’t go down in her crib so I slept with her on my chest in the big, comfy recliner in her room until she was so zonked out she didn’t notice she was being transferred back to her crib.  I think she was having tummy trouble because she was squirming so much but she settled down after a while and it was so sweet to have her little sleeping body on mine. 

It took me back to the times when that’s the only way she would sleep and I’d have to make sure I didn’t drink any water for several hours before bed or I’d be sitting there debating in the middle of the night “Do I get up and go pee and risk waking her up when I put her down in her crib or do I continue with the excrutiating pain of holding it for another couple of hours?”  Then there was always the “Good Lord it’s cold in here!  How exactly do I get this blanket off the back of the chair and over us without waking her up?”  I have to say, though, there is not much better a thing in this world than waking up with your little one’s face right next to yours, so peaceful and lovely.  Then she squirms and digs a knee in where it doesn’t belong.  Gak!  Time to risk waking her up and go empty the bladder.

I’m not sure now how I was able to sleep at all that way (with her on me in a recliner) but somehow I did.  And I remember feeling ambivalent about trying to get her to sleep on her own in her crib.  I liked having her sleep with me.  Although she did weigh quite a bit less back then…  Let’s just say that it was nice to have the snuggle time and a chance to redeem myself but I continue to be very grateful that she sleeps 11-12 hours a night in her own crib!

New Year’s Resolution update: still no caffeine, sugar or wine.  Head feels better and body is starting to.  Yay me!

Well, we finally did it.  We went to visit Santa today at the mall to get Princess Tater Tot’s picture taken with him.  We arrived 45 minutes after Santa got there and, surprisingly, the line wasn’t that bad.  Of course it took a long time because of the tears and lack of smiles that tend to happen with the really little ones on Santa’s lap.  There were toys a-squeaking and parents acting ridiculous to get their kids to smile.  It was kinda funny until I realized that I would be one of thos ridiculous-acting fools in just a minute.

We finally made it up to the front of the line and Santa’s Helper asks me which package I am planning on getting.  Well, seeing as you are gouging me for the rest of my Christmas cash I guess I will take the package that has only 4 pictures for $18.  Holy cow!  I can scan the sucker in and make a gazillion copies for the amount they’re charging!  But I order 4 so that The Daddy can take one to the classroom, we can have one at home, and each set of grandparents can have one, too without any extra work for The Mommy.

In the back of my mind I think “I wonder if she’s going to scream and throw a fit?”  I can just see it now.  I sit her on Santa’s lap and she immediately looks at me like “Why are you giving me to this huge, hairy man?”  Luckily that did NOT happen.  She looked up at him with a smile like “Wow!  Look at you!  You’re hairy” and then looked at the camera.  She didn’t smile for the first two pictures but once Mommy started dancing around like a crazed idiot (or acting like she usually does–either description works), she smiled and *poof*!  We were done!

I paid my exorbitant fee and we went on our merry way.  Hallelujah!  The first Santa pictures are done and without permanent emotional damage that we know of!  It was getting close to nap time so we got a move on out of there (after The Mommy lingered at a few store doorways).  Once home, I rocked her as usual but this sneaky little girl realized that Mommy’s hair wasn’t in a ponytail like it usually is (just in case I needed to be in the Santa picture so Tater wouldn’t cry), picked up a strand and yanked as hard as her little arms would!  Ouch!  Oooh!  That’s fun!  Let’s do it again!  Ouch!  Grrrr…  Long story short, Tater skipped her afternoon nap today despite The Mommy’s best efforts.  Oh well…she wins again.

My day started at 4am when I woke up for God only knows what reason.  It was quickly followed by The Daddy telling my groggy little brain that there was no coffee creamer.  WHAT!!??  Okay, grab the jeans and sweatshirt and head out the door to get some coffee creamer.  The Daddy had made due with nonfat milk and Splenda but, I’m sorry, I need French Vanilla yummy goodness!  It turns out that VONS does not open until 5am.  Crap.  There is an Albertson’s down the street.  But I realize I don’t want to try Albertson’s and have it possibly be closed when there is a gas station that is open 24 hours right by it.  So to the Circle K I go to pay waaaay too much for  tiny bottle of coffee creamer.  A Mommy’s gotta do what a Mommy’s gotta do.

With the coffee creamer finally added to my morning cup, I go to start the dishwasher so that I’ll have some plates and bottles to feed the Tot and realize that we are out of dishwasher detergent.  What exactly do you call dishwasher detergent, anyway?  I want to call it dish detergent but that could very easily be confused with the liquid dishwashing detergent and that is definitely NOT what I want to put in my dishwasher!  But I digress.  I wish I had realized that I needed dish detergent when I went out to the store at 4:30am!  Oh well.  I guess I’ll have to stop by the store on the way home from the doctor’s office today.  Oh, did I mention I had a gynecologist’s appointment today?  Yeah.  Fun.

Things are percolating along with The Tot fighting her first nap a little bit but finally going down in plenty of time to get up before the doc’s appointment.  She wakes up in plenty of time and I have remembered to bring a bottle since her second feeding of the day will need to happen while we’re out and about.  That’s amazing in and of itself!  The Tot is dressed and we arrive on time.  Unfortunately, the doc is running late and it is almost an hour before we are seen.  I have resorted to tap dancing for The Tot to keep her from crawling out of her skin.  Not really but I did have to do some creative entertaining that involved not only the crinkly examination table paper but also the nice paper napkin thingie they give you to put over your lap area during the exam.  I would have rather tap danced but I was “nekked from the waist down”.  Please don’t get a visual on that…it’s not pretty.

Next we stopped by the grocery store just to pick up the dish detergent and some more Puffs (I realized after the early morning store run that we were low on Puffs as well…not good) because nap time was rapidly approaching.  When we got home, The Tot was rocked and put down and immediately started crying like her life depended on it.  Oh crap.  One of those days. I chalked it up to being out of her routine all weekend (we were out of town) and rocked her a couple more minutes until she fell asleep.  Whew.

I sat down to read a book while The Tot was sleeping (another minor miracle!) and thought “It’s nice and cool today.  It finally feels like winter.  I think I’ll start a fire in the fireplace since we’re not going to go out any more today.”  Wrong.  The Daddy had used the last fire log yesterday.  Crap.  I turned the heater on instead and really enjoyed myself despite the lack of fire.  It was nice and relaxing to forget about all of the “have to’s” and just read.

When The Tot woke up she was a Happy Girl and we played while listening to the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack until The Daddy came home.  Unfortunately, The Daddy couldn’t take our afternoon walk with us because The Dog needed to go to the vet.  So The Tater Tot and I ventured out into the chilly afternoon by ourselves all bundled up.  She looked so cute in her big, thick pink hooded sweater! 

The rest of the day went right on schedule.  All one and a half hours of it!  There is something to be said for expecting the unexpected and rolling with the punches.  I don’t know what there is to be said about it but there’s something.  But it turned out to be a pretty good day.

No, I don’t mean those times when I eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s at one sitting or when I buy that extra pair of shoes that I know I shouldn’t because they look soooo similar to the ones I already have in my closet.  I’m talking about laughing when I’m trying to rock The Tot to sleep.  She does the funniest things when she’s tired and fighting sleep.

Today when I turned on the music and started rocking her she immediately started with “hnnnnnn”, “hnnnnnn”, “dadadadada” and kicking her legs.  She usually will then progress to gnawing on The Mommy’s shoulder or, more painfully, the collarbone (ouch!).  If there is any paraphernalia or decoration attached to or hanging off of my person, she then will find it, pick it up and hold it directly in front of my face with an expression that says ”Mommy!  Look what I found!”.  Then it goes in her mouth.  Take it out.  Stare at it.  Hold it really, really close to Mommy’s face again.  Put it in the mouth again.  Bury head in Mommy’s chest then look up reaaaaal slow with big, wide eyes and a huge gri as if to say “Are you sure you want to put me to sleep now when I’m so cute?”  All the while I am attempting to sing the lovely tune that is coming out of our CD player.  It’s a nice song.  Jack Johnson.  I like it.  I like to sing it.  But sometimes I am reduced to just holding her and shaking because I am laughing so hard She knows she has me and she starts to laugh, too.  Not good in terms of getting her to sleep but worth it in terms of the warm fuzzies…

I am hoping that this Tragic Booger Incident never actually happens but we had a near-miss the other day.  I was desperately trying to dislodge a GINORMOUS booger from my squirmy, resistant daughter’s nose so that she would not make whistling sounds while breathing and it felt like my nail grazed her eye.  I had horrid visions of having scratched her little cornea and blinding her for life.  I pulled back quickly and began watching for eye watering, excessive blinking and general “what the hell’d you do that for, Mommy” fussiness.  Thankfully I saw none of the previous and concluded that it was her cheek that my nail grazed, not her little, vulnerable eyeball.  Whew.  Dodged a bullet.  If she’d only let me use the snot-sucker…

Yes, I’m writing about the topic of snot again.  It has been a constant in my life since The Tater Tot got sick on Wednesday.  Most of the time I feel perfectly fine (well, okay, a teeny bit guilty) letting her sit around the house with boogers.  But if we’re going to leave the house, of course, I bust out the wet washcloth, snot sucker and any other tool I can get my hands on to clean The Princess up.  The reason I don’t particularly want to feel guilty about not cleaning her up as much when we’re just going to be around the house is that it is a battle royal to get her to submit to it.  I figure now is as good a time as any to start letting her be her own person, snots and all.  Instead of infusing our day with screaming and crying just so she looks presentable for The Mommy (who doesn’t care what she looks like…The Mommy will love her no matter what!), I’ve chosen to attack the snot only if it becomes a problem.  If there’s streaming, booger blockage of any kind, or if it’s causing irritation to her I will by all means bust out the tools and go to town. But if she is happily playing, eating and otherwise doin’ her thing, I’m going to leave her be.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not the Mommy who runs from a challenge.  There will be times when I will stand my ground.  Just not this time.

On a related note: I think I’m doing particularly well for not having had a cow over The Tater Tot getting her first cold.  As a “protective” mother of a preemie, not having taken her temperature 10 times a day or called the pediatrician 5 times already is quite a feat!  In fact, I am quite surprised and pleased that I’ve been able to “wait and see” so far. Who knew I would be so calm?  I think I owe a lot to The Tater Tot’s disposition for that.  She’s been so agreeable through the whole thing, playing, laughing and eating like normal.  That goes a long way to reassuring a new mommy.

On a totally un-related note: I was able to get out to the JoAnn’s Veteran’s Day sale  today and got some card stock and other scrapbooking supplies at 50% off!  And, as a “preferred customer” (aren’t I special!), I got an extra 10% off!  I noticed that they had clearance fabric at 50% off clearance prices as well but I just didn’t have the time to browse.  It’s not like I don’t have 5 or 6 sewing projects lined up that I haven’t gotten to already!  Ya’ gotta love a JoAnn’s sale.  Now if I only had the time and energy to actually use the scrapbooking supplies I bought…