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So January is just percolating along as it should. Well, almost as it should. The usual two steps forward, one step back with the “resolutions” that I am choosing to call intentions instead. I have actually picked just one for this month: sleep. Get more of it. Whether it’s at night (sometimes not entirely possible because of sugar bug testing) or napping, I need MORE. I have been feeling the effects of long-term sleep deprivation for a while now which led me to my January goal of getting more sleep. On top of that, my exercise regimen has fallen by the wayside because it’s very hard to exercise when you are chronically sleep-deprived. Then there’s the snack foods. Don’t get me started on the snack foods. All of these factors started me thinking and, while sometimes a dangerous thing for me to do, this time I think it could be helpful! I was realizing that I am worn out and have not been taking basic care of myself so, in order to motivate me to re-build good habits and, hopefully help some of you do the same…

Each month this year on A Mommy’s Life will be devoted to a different aspect of taking care of The Mommy. This month it will be sleep. The effects of sleep-deprivation and methods for getting more and better sleep will be featured but there will be a sprinkling of the usual angst and other stuff, too. While I don’t have all the months planned yet, I know that I’d like to focus on sleep for January and nutrition for February. There are a few more ideas floating around in my head but, if you have a topic you’d like me to devote a month to, let me know!

So I guess I’ve been neglecting my blog a bit. And, unfortunately, that means I’ve been neglecting the documentation of Princess Tater Tot’s childhood as well since this is my “journal”. Suffice it to say that we have had a lot going on since The Tot has become a hustling, bustling two year old. We’ve got amusement park passes to use, play dates and Mommy and Me. Errands to run and fun things to do. The result of all this hustling and bustling is that The Mommy is tired!

I also had been having some health problems including extreme fatigue that I felt were Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis related and have been having a hard time getting addressed. My insurance denied a referral to an endocrinologist (what the heck??) but my primary care physician did boost my thyroid meds, which is nice. It hasn’t taken care of all of the symptoms but it has made things “better enough” that I have the energy (almost) to get through a typical day with my two year old whirling dirvish. And another upside is that I have been able to lose 11.5 pounds watching my diet and exercising moderately! I am now below my pre-pregnancy weight (although nowhere near my pre-pregnancy fitness level!) and my clothes fit again! I am very, very happy with this since in the past it has been difficult for me to lose weight.

But enough about me and back to The Tot. Yesterday we went to Sea World with my sister and her family who are in town from Washington State this week and we had a blast! I expected that The Tot would crank out at about 12:30 but she hung in there without a nap until 3:30! Imagine that! A short nap on the way home and a regular bed time. Who knew? Of course we bought the Fun Card which gets us in for free for the rest of 2008 because, why not? If I was going to pay the regular price of admission anyway so Tater Tot could spend some time with her cousins, I might as well get the Fun Card. Of course we still have to pay $10 for parking each time and gas is through-the-roof expensive but I think we’ll at least swing a couple more visits before the year is over. It was pretty interesting to see her reactions to things. In the penguin exhibit, she was more interested in the escalator-like people-mover thingie than the penguins. While watching the dolphins, she was whining about wanting to “go in the blue hingie” (swim with the dolphins in the blue tank). But she had the best time at the new Sesame Street area in the water park before we went home. She would have stayed there for the rest of the day if I would have let her. Today we’re going to hit Legoland with The Cousins and hopefully it’ll go just about the same as yesterday. This is the first time Tater Tot has met her cousins and it’s really cute to see the kids interact. I’m happy they’re getting a chance to hang out.

On a totally different note, I’ve started checking out community supported agricultural programs in an effort to feed my family organically in a more cost-effective way. I have yet to figure out if it’s more cost-effective but that’s my next project. I’ve been keeping pretty strict track of my grocery spending the past couple of months but now it’s time to break it down a bit and see what I’ve been spending on produce. I’m hoping that it really IS more cost-effective because I had all but given up on organics on my current grocery budget. I just rinse and scrub my produce to within an inch of it’s life currently but I’m still not sure that produces the desired effect of eradication of the pesticides. So, if you wonder what I’ll be doing tomorrow during the Tater Tot’s nap time (like you’ve got nothing better to do with your time), I will be poring over grocery receipts for the month of May and calculating what I spend on produce each month. Exciting stuff, huh? Yeah, that’s Mommyhood in this Mommy Hood.

Peace, Out.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you Mommies out there! I have thoroughly enjoyed my day. We took a little trip to the beach this morning where I contemplated surfing but it was super-duper small and it was posted unhealthful due to bacteria levels. So I decided to go for a walk/jog by myself instead while The Daddy and Tater Tot played on the beach. Then The Daddy decided he wanted to go out into the unhealthful, small surf so Tater Tot and I played on the beach for a while. The Daddy made breakfast and even gave The Tot a bath once we got home from the beach! Then I got to go shopping by myself without worrying about entertaining The Tot or running after her or having to get home by a certain time to do anything. What a gift! For once I was able to try bras on without Tater Tot proclaiming loudly “Mommy’s got a bra-ha-ha on!”. It was nice. Then we ordered take-out from my favorite place and it was yummy!

There have been several things going on since I last blogged on a regular basis so let me update you. It’s not all that earth-shattering but I figured why not let you know? For one, I have lost 9 pounds. That’s after I gained 5 over the holidays and had not been able to get them off regardless of my proclamations that I would be steadfast in my New Year’s Resolutions. The resolutions did NOT stick. But around the beginning of April I found www.my-calorie-counter.com and started tracking my calories. I HATE, HATE, HATE counting calories but, guess what? It’s working. So I have been pretty focused on nutrition and exercise for the past month and it has worked. I feel more comfortable in my own skin. I still have 5 pounds to go but my clothes fit right again and I feel like I’m at least back to Normal Mommy instead of Schlubby Mommy Whose Pants Are Too Tight. In fact, I am a few pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight and able to wear clothes that I haven’t been able to wear in a couple of years! It feels good.

The most major Tot-related thing that has been going on is just Two-Ness. The Tot saying “No” to most everything I say, taking foooorrrreeeeevvvvveeeer to do most things that could take two seconds (can you tell that’s a peeve of mine?), dissolving into a puddle of tears and tantrums at the slightest provocation, and generally just exercising her right to change her mind every 5 seconds. Discipline is starting to come into play but I’ve thought long and hard about the things that I need to “time her out” for. I don’t have a comprehensive list or anything but, at least at this point, I feel like if it’s just inconveniencing me (i.e. doing things slower than I’d like) or not doing things exactly when/how I ask her to do it the first time, then I need to reserve the time out and let her be herself. Provide consequences for not listening to me and doing what I ask like “You took too long so now there isn’t time to do thus-and-so” or “Since you didn’t listen to Mommy, you can’t do this-or-that”. I need to plan that things will take longer than I expect and make sure that she understands the things that are absolute no-no’s. As I’m typing that I wonder if I will be spoiling her. And then I wonder what the value is of having a kid that will “snap to” when I ask her to do something. I don’t want her to be Robot Kid but I also do NOT want to have a Spoiled Girl and I can’t just have her ignoring Mommy, can I? There’s gotta be something in between and I am on a quest to find it. Sometimes I feel like I need a concrete plan for parenting or Tater Tot will feel the effects of how schizophrenic I sometimes feel about parenting! But I guess that parenting can be schizophrenic so maybe I should just learn how to go with the flow a little bit more, huh? Hasn’t ever been my strong suit as you can probably tell if you have read my over-analyzing, neurotic posts in the past. So, for the time being, am I taking many deep cleansing breaths, reciting my mantra “She is two. She is two. She is two.” under my breath and remembering that despite her two-ness right now, she is the best, most amazing little girl on the planet and I am lucky to be her Mommy!

There, I said it. I’m old. I’m watching VH-1’s Greatest Hits of the 90’s and I am O-L-D. I remember dancing my BUTT off to some of these songs at the clubs before I was married. Back when I had the energy and the body to do so. Now, if I dance, it could start an earthquake here in sunny SoCal. Okay, so that’s an exaggeration but it would definitely start some jigglin’ that wouldn’t stop any time soon on the Mommy Body. *Heavy sigh* Yes, I know just about every word to every cheesy 90’s song they are profiling. I am not proud of that.

On a different note, I feel better today. I went to PT tonight and I feel much stronger. Yes, I’m going to physical therapy still for several reasons, including that Tater Tot is 30 pounds and she still “Want Mommy to carry zhyou.” And how can you say “no” to the cutest child on the planet? Answer: you can’t. But mostly these days we’re working on a really, really old hamstring running injury that is coming back to haunt me. Hurting at really inopportune times like when I’m walking. Yeah, walking. Not fun. But it’s getting better and I don’t feel any longer like my injuries will have me put out to pasture before I’m 40. The exhaustion and shortness of breath might, but not my injuries…

Even though I am thrashed more often than not after my 12+ hour days taking care of Tater Tot, the house, and The Daddy, I am happy with my life. Tonight during “reading time”, while Tater Tot was screeching and running, Daddy was reading, and I was corralling The Tot, being Kissy Monster trying to get “smackaroonies” from her, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else doing anything else. I am where I’m supposed to be.

At the risk of making this more about me than about The Tater Tot, I’m going to post about my visit to the nurse-practitioner today. I was all prepared for her to not take me seriously when I said that I’m a totally exhausted mother of a two-year-old. I expected her to say “Well, what do you expect?”. But she didn’t. She ordered a full thyroid panel, some tests to check for anemia and B12 levels. Apparently the getting out of breath by the top of my staircase is something worth checking out. So, I got about a gazillion tubes of blood taken and a referral to an endocrinologist. Hallelujah! I’m relieved just to get the ball rolling because, before the start of the year, I had been feeling really, really good! Happy, content, and with enough energy to get through my day. Since then things have been rolling down hill and rapidly gaining speed. So at least I’ve got things rolling with that. Wow, if it’s not one thing it’s another with my health these days. What a pain in the ever-expanding Mommy Butt.

We hosted a small play date today and it was really nice. I’m finding that two or three kids is really Tater Tot’s limit right now and even then she doesn’t like to “share” Mommy with the other Mommies. Or the other kids. One of the little girls started throwing the ball to me so I was throwing it back. The Tater Tot was not fond of her Mommy playing ball with anyone else. I haven’t seen that before with her. It was interesting. Each play date is a learning experience for both of us and that’s a good thing.

Wow. I just thought about the fact that a year ago I was writing “Mommy Group Reject” posts and this year I’m hosting mommy group play dates. It does feel like I’ve got things a lot more together than when Tater Tot was a wee one. It feels good. And the conversation with actual adults doesn’t hurt, either. Thanks, Ladies for a good time this morning!

Well, Tater Tot’s appetite is back. It’s nice that she’s eating something other than applesauce. Makes a mommy worry a little less. It has been hard to relate to the struggles of Mommies with toddlers who are picky eaters because Tater Tot generally eats most of what’s put in front of her at any given time. But I got a small glimpse into your world, Ladies, and it was not pretty. I understand the worry that your child is not getting adequate nutrition now because, really, how much of your daily RDA can you get from applesauce and juice? Or just cheese? Or whatever the food du jour is for your picky eater…

She seems to be doing better on several fronts, as I have not had to get up with her because she is hacking and coughing for the past two nights and she doesn’t seem to have a fever anymore, either. Although with my crappy ear thermometer, who knows? I didn’t think she had one when I took her to the doctor on Tuesday, either but guess what? She did. We go back to the doc this morning so, hopefully he’ll tell us her ears look better and her lungs sound better. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll get to remove the baby monitor from our bedroom and have a sound nights’ sleep sometime soon. Free from undue worry. And being woken up by congestion-induced snoring or coughing. That would be nice. But, what can ‘ya do? Such is a Mommy’s Life.

On a totally unrelated note, although I am feeling a bit better energy-wise, I’ve decided that I’m going to ask my doctor to increase my thyroid medication until my TSH is between 1 and 2. It was above 2 this last time around and she’s not likely to do this for me but you never know until you ask. I can’t help but think that some of this not being able to sleep may have something to do with my thyroid. It’s worth a shot. If you’re asking “What the heck is she talking about?” let me tell you some background. I have been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis since I was 16 years old and I am now 39. My body recognizes my thyroid as a foreign body, not as the wonderful, useful gland that it should recognize it as. As a result, my body is trying to destroy my thyroid gland (and probably already has). The end result for me is that my thyroid gland does not function as it should, under-producing the all-important hormone needed to regulate my metabolism, energy-level, etc. (for more info go here or here). So I take synthetic thyroid hormone. And most of the time I still feel crappy. Not as bad as some people do, but bad enough to hate my life sometimes. The times when I feel like I need a nap by 10am or feel like laying on the couch instead of playing with my beautiful daughter or when I am utterly exhausted yet have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. And when I’m exhausted I feel like I need to eat continuously all day long in the vain hope that it will give me enough energy which results in weight gain and/or not being able to lose that last 10 pounds of “baby weight” that really should now be called “toddler weight” since my Princess is two! Or the times when every piece of clothing that I put on makes me feel like a 10 pound sausage in a 5 pound casing…

If you’re saying to yourself “Yeah, but I feel that way sometimes, too and I don’t have a thyroid condition. It’s just being anxious or depressed about emotional stuff.” or something like that, I’ve thought of that, too. Life’s messy and there are lots of things to worry about, do, and generally let invade your otherwise peaceful mindset. I know that. I also know that I deal with life’s messiness relatively well when I feel good. Yes, it’s well-established that I am a worrier but, at the end of the day, I know that everything will work out and I find my peace within a situation. This is different. This is an irritability and moodiness that is not usually there. This is an exhaustion that is worse than lack of sleep and worry combined. This is a physical depletion that just feels different than one caused by emotional issues or feelings. For example, I am generally a happy shopper at large super-discount stores that shall remain nameless (hint: there’s one on just about every street corner here in Cali and the name ends in “Mart”). I go when there is plenty of time to shop and we have no pressing time constraints. Tater Tot likes to help me push the cart. It’s even easier when I go by myself so it’s generally a pleasant shopping experience for me. The other day I thought I was going to end up on Jerry Springer because I felt so much like running over several of the clientele of said establishment who would have then roundly kicked my ass, trailer-park style. This is not me. I do not generally feel like going all kung-fu on people’s asses whilst shopping. Add to that the need for a nap at 10am and voila! You have a generally low-thyroid-feeling situation. This has been going on for a month. So I asked for my thyroid levels to be tested and was very surprised that they were within the normal range. The last time I felt this bad, they were out of the normal range and my medication was increased.

So, I will ask my doctor. In the mean time, I am reading Fat, Fuzzy, or Frazzled and The Thyroid Diet trying to find ways to “optimize my treatment”. Hopefully I’ll find a few things in there that will make a difference in my situation…

Anywhooo…thanks for reading my long, rambling, fairly self-centered post today! Now it’s time to get on with the day. Time for Tater Tot to get up and then we get to go back to the doctor’s. Hopefully he’ll have some good news for us! Have a fantastic day!

Tater Tot has been sick the past couple of days. Snorky and feverish and sick. It’s not slowing her down as much as you’d think it would but it’s obvious that she’s a little “off”. For one thing, she was sluggish about eating her “yummy turkey sandwich” the other day and pretty much won’t eat anything except apple sauce. Any time this kid doesn’t nearly jump out of her seat about eating, I know there’s something wrong. And when I got her up from her nap the other day, she cried for about 10 minutes while I rocked her. What she was crying about, I have no idea. But then we went to play with trains and she was fine.

The fever went down after a day or two but she’s got lots and lots of congestion. So much so that I’m sleeping with the baby monitor in our bedroom again because I’m paranoid. Paranoid about what, I’m not sure. That she’ll have too much trouble breathing, maybe? But, if I were sound asleep, would I really be able to hear that even over the baby monitor? Probably not. But it gives me more peace of mind than not having it in our room so… Yeah, I know it doesn’t make a whole lot of rational sense but what about my life does? Your answer is “not a lot”.

I’m quite surprised that I haven’t gotten sick yet. I haven’t been feeling that great and last night I was 100% certain that I was going to wake up snorky and miserable because I went to bed with a headache and the beginnings of a sore throat. But, here I am, drinking my coffee and typing at you all feeling better than I did last night. I’m kind of tired of not feeling that great, though. Lately I do fine until about 10 in the morning and then I feel like I’ve worked an entire day and it’s time to put her to bed. Of course I wake up at 4 so…

I was going to call my doctor last week because my energy level was on the floor again but I decided against it since I had just been sick and thought I’d give my body another week to recover. I also got two books from the library about optimizing your hypothyroid treatment thinking I’d try some more stuff before just asking my doc to up my meds. One thing that I’ve learned about having Hashimoto’s is that you need to “believe yourself” when you feel physically crappy. I’ve always had the thought in the back of my mind that I’m just being a wimp. Suck it up and deal with it. Change your outlook/attitude and you’ll feel better (although I do believe that you should do this even if you do “believe yourself”). But, as I get older, I feel more and more like a lot of this is physical and it’s okay to pester your doctor to make changes that you think will make you feel better. I will give this another week or so, especially considering the fact that I have The Tater Tot coughing in my face all day. Maybe part of this is my poor, old, Hashimoto’s-compromised immune system trying to fight off whatever she’s trying to give me. But, if I’m not feeling better after that, I will ask her to re-test my thyroid levels and adjust my meds. I’m not holding my breath that she’ll comply but you never know until you ask!

Oh, hey! By the way…even as sick as she is, Princess Tater Tot went poopy in the potty seat AND slept in her new big girl bed last night! What a champ!

So I got a voice mail on my cell phone today from my OB/GYN, or at least the one that is filling in for the one who was filling in for the one who went on maternity leave and is not coming back. Or at least not coming back to that particular practice. Ya’ got all that? Anyway, I digress. He said that the lab results show that the biopsy got all of the abnormal cells on my cervix and a Pap test would be in order in 4 months. Lucky me, I get to go in every 4 months to do what most women get to do once a year. But I’m looking on the bright side here. I have a clean slate. There’s no guarantee that more abnormal cells won’t grow in there but, for now anyway, they’re gone.

The *eh* news is that I’m still bleeding, bright red at times. It’s only light but, still. Some bleeding is to be expected but I wonder how long this is supposed to go on. As it is now the weekend and can’t call the doc back, I’m going to be on the internet trying to find out what’s “normal”. I’m not *worried* and I think it’s all within the normal range but, I just can’t help but look stuff up on the internet. Not sure why but there you have it.

So the LEEP recovery has been going well. Today there was more “stuff” than the previous two and a half days and it was a different color. Yes, I am aware that I am typing about “personal bodily fluids” and I’m not entirely comfortable with it but, for those of you who have found my blog because you searched anything having to do with LEEP, I feel like I need to be brutally honest about my experience. I wish I had found someone’s blog telling me about the experience and recovery before I had the procedure. It may have helped me be a little less nervous. I thought I was home-free after the first day or two not having any actually red discharge. Until today. Not only did it change color but I also had cramping and pain. I’ve had this cramping and pain mid-cycle before so I didn’t think much of it until I went to the bathroom today. So I sat down, put my feet up and let The Daddy take care of Tater Tot and dinner. I haven’t been exercising strenuously since I am forbidden but I have been lifting The Tater Tot more than I probably should. She’s pushing 30 pounds at this point so she may qualify as “heavy lifting” which I am also forbidden to do. I think I’m still ok as the little instruction sheet they gave me said that some bleeding was normal for the first couple of weeks but I don’t want to take any chances. I’m not even sure what I think could be happening in there….

Oh well. Otherwise, life is pretty good. I have been more peaceful and more happy than I have been in a long time. Not much is different in my life that would warrant more peace and happiness than before. But, nevertheless, I am. I’m sure that it has more to do with a shift in my attitude and thoughts than a shift in my circumstances. Especially since I have been doing miserably on my New Year’s Resolutions. Yeah, no self-discipline whatsoever. Worse than before the holidays. I need to focus on changing habits day to day. Not focusing on the end goal and how I’m not meeting it. That’s not gonna work. So be looking in the next week for a post on changing old habits and building new ones. There’s gotta be something in there that can make things click…

Yesterday was the day. I kept waiting for them to call and cancel but they didn’t. Nothing came up on my end either to make me cancel so I told Gammaw “Come on down” to watch the Tater Tot. I set out for my appointment and, when I arrived at 9:30, realized that I had forgotten my purse. That means that I forgot my wallet with my driver’s license and money, my iPod that I was going to use to relax me during the procedure, and my sanity a little bit. I sign in, they call my name to deal with the co-pay and they can’t find me on the list for 9:30. No, no, no, no! This has been rescheduled 4 different times! I AM having a LEEP today. End of story. Turns out I got my appointment time wrong. It was at 11:30. I head home for a little while and, while driving home, I see flashing lights behind me. Oh crap. Just what I need. I have just psyched myself up for the forty kazillionth time to have this procedure that didn’t end up happening, I don’t have my driver’s license, and I’m going to get a speeding ticket. In my youth, I might have been arrogant enough to think I could bat my eyelashes out of the ticket but I do not delude myself with those thoughts now at almost 40 years old. So I resigned myself to a speeding ticket and silently thanked my husband for affixing my registration sticker on my car this weekend. As it turns out, the cop who pulled me over was in a good mood. Or maybe he’s just naturally generous and kind. I’ll never know but I am extremely grateful for whatever caused him to be kind to me. It turns out that, not only did I not have my driver’s license, but I also did not have a copy of my insurance with me and I was speeding. Talk about a train wreck. He ended up only giving me a fix-it ticket for not having my license with me and a warning about my speed and not having a copy of my insurance on me (a $680 ticket!!). I could have very easily been paying $800 to the city yesterday but instead I only have to go to the police station, show them my driver’s license, pay $10 and have them sign off that I did that. Only by the grace of God, I tell you.

I finally make it home after bursting into tears while driving the rest of the way. I am grateful that I was spared the hefty fines and that he was so kind to me but the whole situation basically chewed away at the last thread of emotional “hanging on” that I had. The appointment being at 11:30 meant that Gammaw was going to have to do lunch and the nap time routine, which could be interesting. I made lunch and put it in the fridge to make things easier on Gammaw and set about psyching myself up again for my 11:30 appointment while obeying Tater Tot’s edicts to “Mommy make a house” with her blocks.

I set out again for my 11:30 appointment, this time with my purse, my proof of car insurance, and a little bit more of my sanity. I’m waiting in the waiting room, a little nervous but definitely ready to get this thing over with. I sign in, pick up a completely out of date magazine to read to occupy my mind so that it doesn’t whack out and cause me to walk out of the office, and wait. I’m called in a little bit after my appointment time and the nurse tells me “The doctor was called to the hospital for an emergency. Can you come back at 1:45?” Whaaaaat? Oh crap. I call Gammaw and see if she can stay. Of course she can because she wants me to get this over with almost as much as I want to. So I tell the nurse I’ll be back at 1:45 and set off home again. It turns out to be a good thing because Tater Tot is not really havin’ Gammaw’s interpretation of the nap time routine. So I was able to put her down and she fell right to sleep! That’s unusual lately. Lately she’s been talking to Gossageesie and Dora for quite a while before zonking out.

So Gammaw goes to get lunch at a local sandwich shop and we talk over the anxiety I’m feeling about the procedure, our latest gas and electric bill, getting older, and whatever else will keep my mind occupied to ease my nerves while we munch on our sandwiches. I leave for the 1:45 appointment thinking “I will believe that I’m having this procedure when it is actually happening.” I resist psyching myself up again because I halfway believe that something will happen to cause it to be canceled. I mean, why wouldn’t I believe that? It’s been 5 times that something has gotten in the way of this procedure happening. Thrice canceled/rescheduled by the doctor’s office and twice rescheduled my me. Once because my period started 4 days early and once because we were evacuating due to the wild fires. I arrive, sign in for the third time today and sit down. I’m called in almost immediately and we get on our way. They make me pee in a cup, give me a release to sign and an instruction sheet for after. I’m prepped with a big ‘ol patch on my right thigh “to ground you” and listening to my iPod. I only have to wait 10 minutes or so (I usually have to wait at least 20). The doc comes in and we talk about my situation, what he’s going to do today and that he thinks listening to my iPod is a fantastic idea. So does the nurse.

I had put the iPod on pause while he was talking me through what he was going to do and “arranging” me so that he could operate. We’re about to get underway and my iPod takes a crap! Frozen. Unable to play music. I am pressing buttons, engaging and disengaging the “hold” button, taking the headphones out and putting them back in, desperately trying anything to get it to work for the next couple of minutes. He asks me if I’ve got my music going and can I hear him. I tell him what has happened and all three of us laugh. Oh well, it was a great idea. He says “We’re almost done anyway. By the time you get it figured out, we’ll be done.” Wow! That was fast. Don’t get me wrong, my thighs are tensed, I am frantically gripping my iPod and futilely pressing buttons even though I know it will do no good whatsoever, just to occupy my shaking hands. I do NOT do well with procedures down in my “girl parts”. I just don’t. Regular exams are fine but if you’re going to cut anything out of me, no matter how small it is, you’d better just knock me out. He finishes making my cervix “pretty” and we’re done! He examines my iPod, pronounces it “dead” and tells me he really likes the Nano. Mine is a third-generation that’s been around a long time. It was over pretty quick. Somewhere around 6 minutes. Maybe less. It was a little “pinchy” in spots when he was numbing the cervix, taking the tissue sample out and when he was cauterizing the incision so that it wouldn’t bleed but I can’t say it was truly painful. It was uncomfortable, for sure but not necessarily painful. The numbing part was less pinchy than it usually is when the dentist numbs you up for a procedure.

So, all in all, it was not as bad as I expected it to be. It doesn’t help that I had months to build this thing up in my head after each cancellation. Would I want to do it again? Of course not! But if I do have to have it done again, I will not be as nervous. Especially if this doctor is doing it. He’s good at what he does and I was wrong about his “bedside manner”. He was very calming and reassuring. It helps also that he has been doing this for 26 years.

I was pretty wiped out from the day and finding myself having to really dig deep to not get impatient with The Tot during the hour between Gammaw leaving and The Daddy getting home. Luckily, The Daddy came home ready to take over and I got to rest. A glass of wine really, really helped. I was feeling a little crampy down there and just generally tentative but, after a glass of wine, I felt much better. No crampiness and much more relaxed! This morning, I feel fine. There are some things that I have to avoid for 2-3 weeks, including strenuous exercise. Shouldn’t be a problem!