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I just got back from my first Pilates class and I can already tell that I am going to be sore for a very long time! I always feel okay the day after a hard workout but then, the second day, it slams me. I know that taking class only once a week pretty much insures that I’ll be sore every week but it was the only class that was after Tater Tot goes to bed! It’s just easier right now if I’m around to put her to bed. So maybe I’ll do a Pilates DVD a couple more times during the week so I’m not starting at ground zero again every week. Huh. Fat chance! That’s why I signed up for this class…because I don’t DO my Pilates DVDs! But, anyway, it was good. I liked it. I didn’t feel like a total dork. Amazing. It was nice to get out of the house in the evening as well. It seems like I hardly leave the house after 4pm any more! It turns out that there’s this Mexican restaurant right across the street from the rec center and I was tempted to stop for a margarita but I didn’t. Maybe some other night I will. I remember when I used to meet friends for drinks on a hot summer night. Not anymore!

It’s less hot here tonight, which is nice. I can actually sleep upstairs in my bedroom instead of downstairs with the air conditioner. Imagine that. I think I’m going to go do that since my brain and my body both seem to be mush right now. Can’t. Form. Interesting. Sentence. Must. Sleep.

The good news is:
1) The biopsy is over. Blech. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world but it sure wasn’t good.
2) The new doc that I saw today answered some of my questions about what I have and what we do next.
3) The Daddy is helping me this weekend while I feel like crap. Not just because of the biopsy. I’ve been feeling pretty bad this week energy-wise. Thyroid stuff. He took the day off of work today to help me because he knew I was not in a good state to be handling stuff on my own. What a guy!
4) I’m not pregnant. They had to do a urine test before the procedure to make sure they weren’t endangering any little being in there. Nope. Nothin’ in there but cobwebs. Did I just type that??

The bad news is:
1) Unless there is a miracle, the results that I receive from the biopsy will cause the doc to recommend a LEEP procedure (Laser Electrosurgical Excision Procedure). More cutting off of things in my private areas. This time with anesthesia. CRAP! She told me that I have moderate to severe cervical dysplasia and the biopsy results will either confirm the diagnosis, tell me it’s worse than moderate/severe (i.e. cancer) or come back mild. Basically she said that even if the results came back mild to moderate, they’d recommend a LEEP procedure. Fun.
2) It’s hotter than Hades here. I am sitting on an ice pack just to keep cool. My car thermometer read 90 on the way home from the doc’s around noon. It doesn’t feel much cooler this evening. At least not in my house.
3) Tater Tot did NOT nap at all today and I am exhausted emotionally and physically. The Daddy was pretty tired, too and doesn’t have as much patience as I do for Tater-ness. He was trying to help but Tater Tot really wasn’t letting him that much. I’m tired. Luckily she went down without a fight an hour early this evening.

I did have to wait a half hour after my appointment time before I was called in today at the doc’s. I brought my own reading material because I figured that it’d be that way. For whatever reason, I was really emotional and crying on the way home. I’m still not sure why. I think it’s just because I feel so physically crappy lately and it’s harder to deal emotionally when I feel bad physically. Just having to deal with the whole experience of the biopsy today drained me. And the thought of having to go through the LEEP and/or whatever else comes with a worse diagnosis came to mind. As well as, if the pre-cancerous cells came back after the LEEP procedure, we’d start all over again with the 6 months PAPs and colposcopies. Actually, the doc says now that they’ll have me on a 4 month cycle. Great. On one hand, I’m grateful that they’re keeping an eye on me but, on the other hand, I’m really not thrilled that I get to see them more often. Today I want to crawl into bed and not get out. But I don’t really have a choice to do that. I’m The Mommy. And Tater Tot’s sweet little face is worth getting out of bed for any day…

The title says it all so if you are averse to whining, feel free to skip this post. Since I’ve started taking the adrenal support, extra folate and betacarotene my butt has been dragging. In the worst possible way. I mean laying-on-the-floor-unless-it-absolutely-has-to-be-done butt-dragging. I did manage to get to a sign language play date today and the grocery store. Actually, I think I’ve gone to the grocery store every day this week! Fuzzy brain. Keep forgetting stuff. Another symptom of Hashimoto’s. And, no, I am NOT pregnant. If I am pregnant, it is truly a miracle because it took us a long time when we were trying and we were having a LOT more sex then! And it was unprotected. Let’s just say I’m a safety girl these days. Not takin’ any chances.

So I’ve stopped taking the folate, betacarotene and adrenal support until I see how things shake out with the new medication dosage. I swear my body never experiences these positive miracle shifts that some people experience when they start on a new medication or supplement but you can be sure that I know when something is going wrong with a new med or supplement. It’s generally very clear. It’s a bummer because these things are supposed to help me heal and feel better but that’s becoming very obviously not the case. Maybe I just started too many things at once. Another good reason to quit until the new med dose takes effect.

Biopsy is tomorrow. Not looking forward to that. The Daddy is taking the day off so that Gammaw doesn’t have to drive two hours to watch The Tot while I go get things snipped out of my private parts. Blech. Blech. Blech. Blech. I don’t even like thinking about it. I hope it’s a quick procedure. And that they’re not backed up like they usually are. I once waited an hour and a half after my appointment time before I was seen! I really hope that doesn’t happen tomorrow. I might lose it a little…

Thirty hours post-oral-surgery and The Mommy is just about good as new! No pain and only a teeny bit lethargic from the pain meds I took yesterday. I still have to eat soft foods and start the 48-hours-after post-op instructions tomorrow but I’m feeling 100% better today! I am so relieved. Especially about the lack of pain. I only had to take the prescription pain meds twice yesterday and a little bit of ibuprofen this morning. The Daddy got to surf this morning while Tater Tot and I spent some time together but I was pretty wiped out by the time he got home. Drifted in and out of sleep for a while and relaxed on the couch while they played outside. It was nice. I expect I’ll be back to normal tomorrow.

Speaking of back to normal, I almost feel back to normal in all the other ways that I was falling apart, too. The foot’s better. The hamstring doesn’t tweak when I do normal things (haven’t tried running on it yet…trying to give it time to heal). The hip hasn’t hurt the past two days. Imagine that. Of course I haven’t exercised in a week and a half. Oh, except that one day Tater Tot and I went on a morning stroll. Not really exercise. More just getting out of the house. I’m crossing my fingers that, starting Monday or Tuesday, I’ll be able to resume running. I’d better be able to because, sitting here on the couch, I’m eating everything in the house and turning into a Tub-O-Goo! But it does feel good to rest. I needed a rest. I’m grateful for the rest because I know that many of you Mommies out there never get one. I do not take it for granted.

The office project is on hold until tomorrow or Monday because I’ve been resting but I have so many ideas! It involves installation of adjustable shelving in the closet and desk for my sewing machine and scrapbooking hidden in the closet. And, hopefully, a better play set up for The Tot. I’m continuing to purge all the clutter I’ve got. Sometimes I feel like just tossing everything and starting over. Maybe I should! How freeing would that feel?! I just know, though, that I’ll throw a particular thing out and then, a month later, be looking for that very thing. Even though I hadn’t needed it for the previous 3 years, a month after I throw it out, I will need it. Unlikely, but that’s the scenario that plays out in my head while making decisions about what to keep. I think I just need to go into it with the mentality “Since I haven’t needed this in so long, if I end up needing another one, I’ll buy one.” For some reason that’s hard for me to do. But I need to. And I’m going to. Just watch me. But not tonight. Tonight I am going to go downstairs where the air conditioning is on and fall asleep on the couch. G’nite all…

I am up way too early this morning. I don’t know why. But sleep is just not happening so I thought I’d type at you all. All three of you. I’m not sure I have a thought in my head to type yet, especially since I haven’t had any coffee but here goes!

It’s hard to believe that it’s July already. Time just keeps sliding on by and The Tater Tot just keeps growing and learning. Every once in a while I think “This is her childhood and I’m responsible for it”. Yes, I know. I think too much. Maybe I’m attaching waaay too much importance to it but I’d like her to look back and think that she had a good childhood. Fun. Peaceful. You know how you look back at your own childhood and attach certain words/qualities to it? Well, I’m responsible for the events that she will attach those words and qualities to. Wow. I sound really neurotic, don’t I? Well, I guess I am a little. Although I don’t think the intensity of your neurosis has much to do with what thoughts you have as it does how you deal with those thoughts. Tater Tot is having a good childhood. We have a good time, she is rarely sick, and she has her loving Mommy and Daddy around her most of the time. I could probably get her out to more play dates but that will come with time.

Whew. Went and got some coffee from downstairs and I already feel better. Coffee even makes me not care as much about the measurements I took this morning. Yes, I measured my chest, waist, hips, and thighs this morning in an effort to motivate me to do something about how I feel about my Mommy Body. And just for general knowledge so that I’m not always working off of just the number on the scale which can be deceptive. Although some would (and very easily could) argue that I like to torture myself and that’s why I took my measurements, I am planning to do weights more regularly and add Pilates to my routine and I’m hoping that I will see results in my measurements from this which will hopefully keep me motivated to keep going. It’s interesting that the chest hasn’t changed and the hips have changed less than I expected them to but the waist…Oh God, the waist! I don’t think I ever knew what my thigh measurements were (thank God) but now I sure do.

Despite all this kvetching about my Mommy Body, all the walking and running has made me feel better. I feel stronger when I run, regardless of how much sleep I have gotten and I know that I am generally in okay shape cardiovascularly. Better than I was before I began jogging a couple of days a week instead of walking. And I’m in better shape Mommy Body-wise than I would be if I hadn’t started jogging. Gotta look at the bright side!

I’m not sure there is a bright side to the appointment I have to go to this afternoon. I have a “female” appointment this afternoon. Lucky me, I get to go in every 6 months because they keep finding pesky abnormal cells on my cervix. Nice. Then, usually, I get to schedule a colposcopy to get some of those cells off and see if they’re cancerous or pre-cancerous. Yeah, fun. At some point I wonder if I will have a cervix left to get the abnormal cells off of. I exaggerate (have you figured that out yet?) but I have had three culposcopies so far and I’m not looking forward to another. Not a horrible procedure, as procedures go but I’d rather not have one than have one. Thankfully so far none have come back pre-cancerous. Hopefully today they won’t find any more abnormal cells….

Lovely note to end a post on, eh? But I’ve gotta go. The coffee’s kickin’ in and I’ve got energy to burn! For a while anyway…

It is officially hot here in Southern California and we have rolled out the portable air conditioner. Tater Tot has a kiddie pool, a fountain, a sand pit, the sprinklers and a homeowner’s association pool to keep her entertained. And I still have one big Mommy Butt that doesn’t feel comfortable in anything in hot weather. I dangle and flap like nobody’s business and it makes me feel entirely crappy. I’ve been jogging or walking every day for months and have lifted weights off and on. More off than on, of course but still. I’m sure it’s my diet.

I hate this feeling. Like I couldn’t reach my goals if my life depended on it. Like I have no discipline. I know that I do have some discipline or I’d be eating junk food every day. I don’t eat junk food but I know that my diet could be more balanced and could probably include a lot less fat. And ice cream is my vice. Huh. I guess that kind of is junkfood, isn’t it. Hm. At this point in my life I feel like I need someone to tell me what to eat and how to exercise. Micromanage me, Baby! Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it, I promise! Can you tell I’m finding it hard to take control of this myself?

Well, I think that, instead of opining to you all about how crappy I am at following through with my plans to lose weight and get back in shape, I am going to use this time to chop veggies, plan menus, put stuff in the fridge to defrost and get to bed! I’ve got to make this a priority because I swore I didn’t want to go through another summer feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. So I’m off to chop, defrost, plan and sleep! See you tomorrow!

Hey there! We’re home! It’s good to be home. One thing I noticed right away was how relaxing it was to be somewhere that I didn’t have the responsibility to do the dishes after every meal or get the laundry done. I didn’t realize that it made such an impact on my level of relaxation until I actually got home and saw that I had left a mess! So last night after The Tot was down, I got to clean my house. Blech. But it needed to be done. So now things are relatively back in order and we are back to our usual routine.

Yet again I feel the need to take better care of myself. Sleep more, eat better, exercise more. It’s not that I don’t have the time, necessarily. It’s that I don’t have the energy. After Tater Tot goes to bed, I just want to vegetate. Sit at the computer or in front of the TV (when it’s working!) and do absolutely nothing that requires thought or effort. That reminds me, I’ve gotta figure out where we’re gonna take our TV to get it repaired. Anyway, I digress. Back to the better care of The Mommy. I’ve been feeling rather unattractive lately. Just shy of presentable and not anywhere near where I want to be. And before “lately”, I’ve been okay with that. For a while I just felt okay about where I was in terms of my looks. As I’m typing this I feel incredibly shallow but it is what it is. And, if you were to look at me you’d probably say “what the heck is she talking about?”. I know that I AM presentable, really. I am a very normal-looking Mommy. Not too skinny. Not too fat. Not too trendy. Not too frumpy. Just kinda there. Problem is, I don’t want to feel just there right now. I would like to feel actually attractive. Not Hot-Mommy attractive. No cleavage-baring plunging necklines or Hot Pants for me. Just noticeable and in a good way. Not in the “Wow, she should really pay more attention to how she looks when she leaves the house” kind of way or the “She’s a good candidate for 10 Years Younger” kind of way. That’s actually how I’ve been feeling lately. Like I could see myself on 10 Years Younger. Although, after getting my hair done last weekend, I do feel a bit better.

The thing about looking better is that it takes effort. Imagine that. I guess I just haven’t been willing to put in that effort until now. For whatever reason, I am now newly motivated to do that. We’ll see how it goes….

I took a good look at my feet the other day since it’s time to bust out the flip flops here in So Cal and realized that it’s time to get those Mommy Feet in shape! I will spare you the details but let’s just say they look just short of the pic above. Not pretty. I went rootin’ around at Drugstore.com and found a few natural alternative pedicure products that can help a Mommy get those feet Summer ready!

Treat your feet to a foot massage to reduce stress, improve circulation,and soothe knots and tension in the arches and toes. The Burt’s Bees Pedicure Kit contains Coconut Foot Creme with Vitamin E, and Exfoliating Pumice Stone, and cute Burt’s Bees socks embossed with their bee logo.	The rich cremes and penetrating overnight treatments in the Burt’s Bees Tips n’ Toes Hands & Feet gift set are loaded with emollient Cocoa Butter and Beeswax, vitamin enriched oils and botanical extracts of Rosemary, Lemon and Mint to naturally soften rough skin and cure brittle nails, for unsurpassed softness, naturally.
Barielle’s essential oil lubricants and exfoliating sea salts will get those rough feet in shape in no time!	Soak, scrub, moisturize and protect your feet naturally with this kit from Gilden Tree using traditional healing ingredients like Aloe Vera, Jojoba, Shea Butter, Vitamin E and Comfrey Root Extract.

Once you’ve got your feet soft and beautiful, you might need some polish to brighten them up. Try this great color from Maybelline! How can you go wrong with this vibrant red, Cherry Rain?

Or try this pretty pale pink from Cover Girl for a more natural look!

If all of that just seems like a bit too much work, head on over to Spa Finder and search for a spa in your area! You can search by location, type of spa, and even the services they provide. Let somebody else work on those tired Mommy dogs!

Mommy Tip: Spafinder gift cards are a great (and easy) gift for your Significant Other to get for you, whatever the occasion. The Daddy has done this in the past and it’s great because I can choose the spa that I go to and the services that I want.

Once you’ve got those tootsies in shape, look at these great sandals from zappos.com
to put on ‘em! You’ll have the best looking Mommy Feet on the block!

These are my favorite flip flops of ALL TIME! They are soft. They are comfy. They are good. Reef Costa Rica flip flops.	Or for those days when you feel like standing out, the hot pink Reef Morocho is just the ticket! They’ve got other colors, too, for those days you don’t quite feel like standing out that much.
If you like a sportier flip flop, the Reef Fanning is the model for you! If you can’t tell, I’m a flip flop girl. Nothin’ better!	If you’re looking for something dressier, check out this cute mule from Luichiny! What a great “Summer-ey” shoe!
This red Nine West sandal would look great with jeans or a cute sundress. They could even dress up shorts during the day! If you’re the mother of someone over the age of 10, of course. Tater would run me ragged in these! I’ll have to save them for a night out with The Daddy.	Oooh! Here’s a cute sandal that I could wear running after The Tater Tot!

Well, I’m off to spend some quality time with my Mommy Feet. I think I’m going to need to do this in installments, they’re that bad. Pass the pumice stone!

I decided to clear out my closet even though it’s May 31st instead of June 1st. If it doesn’t fit today, it’s not going to fit tomorrow. And Tater Tot decided to take a morning nap today so I took advantage of that time. Wow, I got rid of a ton of stuff! I wasn’t as ruthless as I probably should have been but I got rid of more than I thought I really would. I tend to be a softie about these kinds of things thinking, “But what if I need a purple ______ some day down the road?” or that everybody needs at least 5 white tops (???). Not today. And if it “fit” but I didn’t feel good in it….GONE! Just because I “need” a pair of khaki cropped pants doesn’t mean I “need” to keep a pair that fit but make me look like Mushroom Butt!

The really interesting thing is what I didn’t get rid of. The things that I thought I was saving so that I could fit into them didn’t end up being as fantastic as I remembered them, even if they would have fit properly. And the things I thought wouldn’t fit and that I’d have to get rid of ended up looking pretty darned good! So I came up with some new outfits and realized that I have clothes that fit me and are appropriate for just about any occasion. Imagine that! I even tackled the swimsuit department and gave away a bunch. Now I have three good suits that I feel reasonably good in. The only things I have left, and they don’t really count in terms of “fit”, are the handbags, hats and gloves. I even went through my shoes, belts and scarves already!

I have to tell you that it feels really good to get rid of all that stuff and to realize that I have clothes that fit and look good even though I’m not at the weight I “want” to be at. Now I’m off to Goodwill so all my stuff can find a home with someone else!

Although I could write about how even having a toddler is a workout in itself, today I’m going to tell you about my toddler’s workout. After our morning walk I decided to try to get in a short weight workout since she seems to like our garage a whole lot lately. Why, I don’t know. But it is what it is so I thought I’d make the best of it.

While I bicep curled, shoulder pressed and chest pressed, Tater Tot carried shoes from the storage shelves to the washing machine and back. Lunges for me meant Baby Squats for her, bending up and down and grinning at her Mommy. During my situps, she carried bottles of water from the storage shelves to the other side of the garage (or anywhere inbetween). And Pushup Time for me was Push The Stroller Time for her. The whole while she chanted “Dun, Geh, Muh” and other such sounds mimicking my counting of reps. Other random exercises that she threw in there included Pound the Washing Machine, Throw The Shoes, and Walk As Fast As You Can To The Places In The Garage The Mommy Doesn’t Want You To Go. For the most part, though, she was enthralled with The Workout and watching Mommy workout so that was a bonus for both of us! I’m gonna do that more often.