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Disclaimer: I am going to sound a wee bit nuts in this post. Rest assured, it is only venting. I am not as crazed as I will sound.

I worry too much. It will be my undoing and it will affect Tater Tot negatively if I don’t let it go. How does one go about toughening up like this? Aside from experience, I mean, and just getting tired of feeling worried. Isn’t there a magic mantra I can chant so that I will stop worrying about doing everything perfectly and protecting her from all the billions of things that can hurt her? I guess I can always acknowledge that everyone has baggage and Tater Tot will be no exception. I know that I am an excellent mother. It’s not a matter of thinking that I’m not good. It’s a matter of thinking it’s not good enough. That’s always been my problem. Nothing I do is ever good enough. And it’s exhausting. It’s got to stop. But that’s not easy. Where’s my magic bullet? Isn’t there an “Easy Button”? WHERE IS IT! Am I tough enough for this job?

I know that I am tough enough for this job. And most days I don’t worry half as much as it sounds like I do in the paragraph above. Most days things percolate along pretty well with the “normal” worries like what to make for lunch that doesn’t involve a trip to the grocery store or how to deal with a melt down at the checkout counter. Maybe an “I should have bolted that bookcase to the wall because it might fall on her” thrown in for good measure, but generally, pretty standard stuff. Then there are days when it just feels like I’m an idiot imagining the worst case scenarios at every turn. She bumped her head….she has brain damage, I know it! These days are pretty few and far between and I know they will pass but it’s still not fun in the mean time.

I know that in the end, you can only do what you can do but I’m the person who always thinks they can do more. Gotta stop that. NOW.