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It never fails. The end of each year and the beginning of the next has me just giddy with the prospect of change. I like change, for the most part. I get hyped about starting new and fresh. I consider all kinds of plans to become more organized, more fit, a better (mother, wife, businessperson…fill in the blank). I get excited about writing down my goals and this year, darnit, I’m going to do it! However, I cannot remember a single year where I actually changed a habit and it stuck. Oh I may have gone a couple of months with it and made some changes but eventually I would end up right back where I started. That’s not to say that some of the small changes haven’t stuck, it just hasn’t resulted in the SuperWoman that I anticipated. This has prompted me to do a teensy bit of research on habit change as I begin 2010. And, yeah, December 31st is a little late to be researching in anticipation of the new year tomorrow. But let’s just say the processof change will start tomorrow. Read on and you will understand, Mamasan.

There were a couple of articles in my brief research that caught my eye and seemed to make sense to me. One was from this website and it breaks the habit change process down into 6 steps:
1. Precontemplation. This pretty much equals denial so hopefully you aren’t there on this Eve of the New Year.
2. Contemplation. You realize you have a problem and want to change so you do a bit of research into ways to change. You have “indefinite plans”. Oh yeah, there I am.
3. Preparation. Here’s where you do the realistic planning. You make a detailed plan, your awareness of the problem is high and you may already start to make some small changes. Your detailed plan may include small steps and measurable goals. Not nebulous stuff like I will keep the house more clean. How will you do that? What specific steps will you take? At what time will you do these steps?
4. Action. This would be where you “do it”. You follow your plan and make revisions as needed. What’s working and what isn’t? Do you need to break your steps down even smaller? Set smaller goals?
5. Maintenance. This stage requires constant vigilance, a systemic plan for dealing with triggers or temptations to going back to how it used to be.
6. Termination. There is controversy about whether or not this is actually a stage since some feel you will always need vigilance about ingrained habits. The 10 or so pounds I have lost over and over again tend to agree with that theory.

Another article that resonated with me can be found here (I intend to check this blog out much more…seems that it might be of benefit). The five things that are promoted as being necessary for effective habit change are:
1. Tackle one habit at a time. Okay, here’s where I really think that they’re probably right but I just can’t resist the lure of tackling one habit per area of my life (finances, fitness, business, household, parenting…the list goes on). But with too many “goals” comes burnout for sure. Try sticking with one this New Year and see how it goes!
2. Create a plan and write it down. Be as specific as possible about what exactly you are going to do and how you will do it. For example: I will pack my gym bag with gym clothes, shower supplies and work clothes and I will make my lunch the night before. I will not press the snooze button when the alarm goes off. Instead I will get out of bed and get my sleepy butt in the car and go to the gym. Or, I will check my email 3 times a day for 10 minutes as opposed to once an hour for a half an hour so that I will get more done at work/around the house/etc. You get the idea.
3. Refine your plan as needed. Be realistic. It will not be the “best case scenario”. Take into account the things that can and will go wrong. If you don’t, you will be setting yourself up for failure.
4. Make mini-plans. These are the super-specific things that you write down the day or night before. Your “intentions”, if you will. “Tomorrow I will get up at 5:30, get dressed in my workout clothes, go down to the garage and work out for a half hour.” Seems too simple to do but studies have shown that it is effective.
5. Repeat. Habits are things that we have done over and over and over. By definition, they are repetitive. So, do it, do it, and do it again. Before you know it you will have developed a new, positive habit or eradicated a bad one.

Sticking with the “tackle one habit at a time”, I’m going to head to bed. I figure that the getting enough sleep thing is probably the first thing I should tackle. So I’m headed to bed to start getting to bed at a decent hour a day early. Hey, I guess I’m in the Preparation stage, huh?

Good luck to you if you are planning those New Year’s resolutions. I’m not doing resolutions per se, just using the first of the year as a good excuse to start taking better care of myself and putting a teensy bit more discipline in my life, one habit at a time…

Happy New Year!

Okay, those of you Mommas out there with 3 year olds will completely understand my angst with the question “Why?” these days. It is the most often spoken word out of my dear Petunia’s mouth and it is driving me crazy. On the one hand, in my idealistic, be-all-you-can-be mind, it’s fantastic that Petunia is asking so many questions. I love her desire to know things! But in my realistic, Mommy’s-cranky-from-getting-up-twice-last-night-to-test-sugar-bugs world, “why” is the bane of my existence. And the kicker is that Petunia will not just ask me a question once. She will ask it multiple times in the span of a couple of minutes. Hoping for a better answer? Maybe. Just wanting my attention? Possibly. Driving me crazy? Definitely. Well, one day I happened to think of this little gem that I will share with you in the hopes that it will better your world like it has bettered mine. Maybe it has already occurred to you to do this but, if it hasn’t, give it a try! Now when Petunia asks me a question and I think she genuinely does not know the answer, I will tell her, but not always. Most of the time now when Petunia asks a question I utter these marvelous four words: “Why do you think” before finishing my sentence with whatever the rest of her question was. Example: “Why do you think I said you couldn’t stand on the chair?”. “Why do you think you can’t go to bed without brushing your teeth?”. “Why do you think I won’t let you climb on the table?”. You get the picture. It allows her to think about the reasons why I have said “no” or even just to exercise her brain a little to come up with an answer for a question that does not involve Mommy’s permission to do something. “Why do crabs have claws?” “Why do you think?” Try it! You might come up with some pretty funny and memorable explanations for things and it’ll give you a respite from having to answer all of those “Why is the sky blue?” kinds of questions that tax a Mommy-brain when asked all day long in rapid-fire succession.

Since late summer I have been contemplating whether or not to vaccinate Petunia against the dreaded Swine Flu. I have had plenty of time to contemplate the issue since, as it turns out, her pediatrician does not have the vaccine yet. Nor does my doctor. I have heard stories of people getting the vaccine. Even people we know. But it is nowhere near our doctor’s offices yet.

I have read things both for and against the vaccine online. Some of it downright scary. I have talked with other mothers, my mother, and friends. I have asked her pediatrician, her endocrinologist, and just about any medical professional I come in contact with their opinion. Of course they are probably biased but still. Every single one has said “I would recommend vaccinating her”. If she did not have Type 1 diabetes, it would probably have been a little bit of a harder decision to make, although it was hard enough as it was. You may have noticed that I just switched to past tense. Yes, I did vaccinate my daughter against the Swine Flu last week. And, yes, I did have reservations. But I had already weighed the information that I had gotten my hands on and made a decision when we were sitting in her endocrinologist’s office last week and he mentioned that they had gotten a shipment in that morning. Would I like to have her vaccinated? Yes, please.

It was traumatic. She doesn’t like shots. She can handle her 3-4 times daily “duckie bites” for insulin because they are expected and we have a routine around all of it. Words that she says, ways that I do things to make her more comfortable. But this? Oh no. Uh-uh. You’re not doing THIS to me today. Well, we did. But it took a while. And the nurse managed to say and do every single thing that triggers her. I’m not joking. Every word that came out of the nurses mouth was exactly the wrong word for the situation. Those words may have worked for some other kid but not mine. I tried to fix it but we eventually just had to take a stab during a window of opportunity and hope that it got where it needed to go. Nerve-wracking and reason enough to NOT give her the shot but it all (thankfully) happened pretty fast and worked out for the best.

The main reason that I did end up going ahead and getting the vaccine for her is that even the regular flu can send her blood sugar on a roller coaster. Heck, a regular day can send her blood sugar on a ride. There is too much variability in her blood sugar on a regular basis. It has been very difficult to regulate her blood sugar even with Compulsive Mommy counting every carb and scrutinizing every shot, meal, and activity. The Swine Flu would be hell for us. Particularly if it involved vomiting and/or diarrhea. Not fun in and of themselves but, worrying about and working to correct low/high blood sugars, get food to stay down, testing her urine to see if there are dangerous levels of ketones in it and getting ahold of an on-call endocrinologist while cleaning up said vomit and diarrhea? Not gonna happen if I have anything to say about it. So we vaccinated. Now all that’s left to do is cross my fingers and pray for the best.

The last time I posted, The Tot was just about to become The Preschooler. We got through it but it wasn’t pretty there for a while. There were tears from both Petunia (can’t really be calling her The Tot anymore, can I?) and Mommy. There was anxiety for both Petunia and Mommy. There was bribery. And then there was adjustment just in the nick of time. Let me share with you just exactly how I kept my sanity while Petunia wailed and while I wondered if I was doing the right thing.

The first week of school, there was an ice cream social where the kids stayed in their classrooms and the parents went to the chapel for an orientation. Petunia said that it was all very nice but “I don’t want to go back there ever again.” Nice. When asked why, it became clear that the issue was that Mommy had left her. Bolstered by the knowledge that it was “just” separation anxiety, I took her for her first “real” day of preschool and left after hugs, kisses and reassurances that I’d be back at lunch time to pick her up. Tears. Lots of them. Hers. Anxiety. Lots of it. Both of ours. I sat nervously at the Starbuck’s situated closest to the school, about to jump out of my skin at any moment, my *regular* anxiety compounded by the knowledge that stress tends to lower her blood sugar. I worried she would have a hypoglycemic episode. I ran errands. I sat at the library updating my Facebook status and Tweeting. All the while I clutched my cell phone frantically, willing it not to ring. Willing her to be okay. She was. Yes, she cried. Yes, it happened off and on all morning. But she was fine. A little slow to hug me when I picked her up but I chalked that up to “What the heck, Mommy? Why’d you leave me?” We went to the beach and ate a picnic lunch and went home to take a nap. We survived.

When I told the school director that Petunia had never been left with anyone but me, The Daddy or Gammaw she said “Oh, it’ll take about a month”. And she was right. The next couple of times she cried before we left the house. She cried when we got there. She cried when I left. But then one day, the teacher told me that she stopped crying after I left, played with a new friend, and was happy most of the time. We had a “no tears” day shortly after that but then we had a regression. Tears before, during and after drop-off. Gah! A couple more days of that and I was about ready to pull her. Instead I:

• Borrowed books about separation from the teacher and the library and read them every reading time.
• Focused on the positive and fun things that she was doing at preschool and how exciting it is that she goes to school now.
• Stayed on the playground and watched her before they went into her classroom at her request but did so for shorter and shorter amounts of time until it was just a quick hug/kiss drop-off.
• Talked about how much Mommy loved her and would never leave her anywhere she didn’t think they would take really good care of her
• Had special picnic lunches right after pick up time.
• Designated days that she went to preschool as “Watch Your Favorite Video Night”
• Designated the ride to and from preschool as the time when she could play her favorite song over and over and over until we got there/home. By the way, it is a 3 1/2 “Margaritaville” drive from our house to the preschool. Don’t ask. I couldn’t tell you how/why she chose this as the song she wanted. I will say that I would have liked to be a resident in Margaritaville that first month that she attended preschool.

But then I picked her up one day and when I asked her how preschool was, she said “It was FUN!” and I was finally able to relax. In hindsight, I should have started talking about and dealing with the transition with her much earlier. I should have anticipated her reaction and eased her into it a bit more. The one thing that I did not do was stay in her classroom with her to ease her into it. I’m still not sure if that was the right thing to do but the teacher and director seemed to think it was so I gave it a month and it all worked out.

While freaking out about Petunia’s separation anxiety and wondering whether or not I should pull her from preschool (and risk losing my sanity at home for another year), there were a few criteria that I came across having to do with whether or not your child is ready for preschool. Here is what I found that “they” see as preschool readiness:

• Do they have some independent skills such as being potty trained, sleeping alone, eating and washing hands by themselves? Yep, she’s had those wired for a while. Although, oddly, she wants me to watch everything she does since starting preschool. Didn’t used to. Hmmmm…
• Have they spent time away from you? Uh, no. Hardly ever. This Mommy has no life other than that of Mommy of Diabetic 3 Year Old. None. Zero. Zip.
• Can they work on projects by themselves? This one presented an interesting dilemma for me. She can work on projects by herself but strongly prefers to work on them with The Mommy.
• Are they ready to participate in group activities? Follow instructions, sit still, listen, sing with other kids in a group? Since we had done 2 years of Mommy and Me and lots of small group play dates, she definitely could do this one. However, again, she preferred The Mommy to the group of kids.
• Are they used to a regular schedule? Kids who have a regular schedule more easily adapt to the structure of preschool. Yep, we’ve always had a pretty regular schedule but, since her diagnosis with diabetes, schedule is king!
• Do they have the stamina for preschool? Basically, do they still need a mid-morning nap? What 3 year old takes a mid-morning nap? I’m shocked yet pleased that mine still takes an afternoon nap!
• The last criteria was The Mommy’s motivation for sending Petunia to preschool. “Do you just need time for yourself?” was asked and there were other options for getting said time to myself, none of which would work for us. If the time to myself was the only factor, it would not have stopped me from pulling Petunia from preschool (and starting therapy). Although, I have to admit, I was one Motivated Momma regarding Petunia’s Preschool adjustment. But, as an only child (who will remain that way) who is smart as a whip, very verbal, sensitive and extremely connected to The Momma, I really felt like she needed preschool, not that I just needed her to be in preschool. And I’m very glad that I did not pull her. She loves it. She is excited about going, asks to go on days when she is not supposed to and I’ve seen huge progress in her interactions with other kids outside of preschool. She used to hang back and sit on my lap or say “Want Mommy to play with me” every play dates. And while she will still do this, the other day, she ran off with another girl and played dolls! What?!

It was touch-and-go there for a while but we survived and now we are both thriving. She is growing socially and I am a much happier Momma for having a couple of hours twice a week to do what I want. Or to do nothing at all.

Today is the first day of preschool for The Preschooler Formerly Known As Tater Tot. I guess I’ll have to think up a new blog name for her, won’t I? I have spent my long summer doing the Preschool Countdown but didn’t really understand what that meant until today. While I haven’t cried yet, there hasn’t been a lack of angst on this Mommy’s part, either. I dropped her off, ran errands and now I am sitting in the local library taking advantage of their free wireless connection and filling nervous time waiting to go pick her up. Okay, let’s be real, I’m close by because I’m afraid they’re going to call saying “Your child is crying hysterically for you. Please come pick her up.” So far that has not happened. Phew.

It’s time. Really, it is. She is 3 1/2 years old and has spent ALL of her time with me. Okay, The Daddy has had his fair share of time on weekends, too. And Gammaw has babysat but not for a long while. Pretty much not since she was a baby. No baby sitters. No child care of any sort. And very little break for The Mommy. No gym membership with the Kid Care Center (no gym membership of ANY sort). No Mommy’s Day Out. Very, very few Mommy’s Nights Out (maybe 3 in as many years). And, yes, I am over-justifying this because, on some level, even though it is time, I feel the teensiest bit guilty for wanting and needing a break. I assume that there are women out there who don’t crave a break from Motherhood. I am not one of them and on some level I wish I was.

But the truth is, she needs this. She clings to me in social situations and prefers to play with me rather than other children. Although we attend play groups, they are not always with the same kids and she has not had much practice asserting herself. She started to be able to do this at Mommy and Me but it was always with me coaching and hovering. Lately at play dates she is even starting to be able to initiate asserting herself not prompted by me and my reading of her body language. I’d like her to have a regular place where she can begin to feel safe doing this.

Diabetes does come into play here, too. Things are more complicated than just the abandonment she may feel at my having left her with someone else. The stress that this causes, while normal and developmentally appropriate, may cause her blood sugar to drop. Teachers need to be instructed what to do. I have to trust them to do it. And so does The Princess.

There were tears when I left and she looked a little lost. Her teacher was very good with the kids who were like this (and don’t think I didn’t notice that she was not the only one!). I’m sure she will be okay. But I’m going to pack up the computer and get to the school early just in case…

UPDATE: She did fine. Cried off and on according to the teacher which kind of breaks my heart. But she was not hysterical. They told me they call parents if they get hysterical. She painted and played with a couple of other kids, read books with the teacher and had snack. Interestingly enough, she was a teeny bit distant when I picked her up. Accepted my hugs and kisses but took a while to warm up even though she was teary. I know this is normal and I know she’ll adjust but it was still hard!

You may wonder why the “hallelujah” this fine morning and I’ll tell you: my daughter is potty trained. Ok, so at night time she still has accidents and she still does occasionally wait too long and we do the “mad dash” with some attendant sprinkles around the toilet. AND she doesn’t really go without me at least accompanying her to the bathroom. But we no longer have to use diapers! Yippee! Yes, we have a little ways to go before she is actually toilet-independent but at least she has bought into the Big Girls Use The Potty idea and we have definitely turned the corner. She regularly makes it through public outings without accidents and She Who Freaks Out When Mommy Uses the Public Toilet even uses it herself. She still grabs onto me really tightly when the toilet flushes but she uses it!

I have to tell you that this is such a relief. Not that I ever thought that she wouldn’t toilet train. I mean, really. But, although she did have her fair share of accidents, it has been a relatively smooth process. No, it’s not over. I think night time is going to be a struggle. She can be a pretty deep sleeper and the bathroom closest to her room is still a construction zone so it’s a long, dark walk to the next-nearest even with the night light. Maybe I need to get on the phone and beg our friend in construction to come help me get the tile backer up so I can work finish that bathroom for her…

It all goes “haywire”! We are perking right along in the Potty Training category and have pretty much gotten the “when we’re at home we wear panties and go potty on the potty seat” behavior down. We were talking about and just about to start working on the “if you have to go potty during Quiet Play Time/Nap Time, get up outta bed and get to the potty” behavior (she still wears a training pant at nap and bed). I’m feelin’ good. Yes, it has cost me lots of stickers and a few bucks spent in the Target dollar aisle but no worries.

Until Princess Tater Tot and I are in the office/sewing room/play room and I hear a steady stream of, you guessed it: PEE ON MY CARPET. Par for the course with potty training but it’s been almost a week since she’s done that and I had thought that the rewards and feeling like a Big Girl were motivating her to get to the potty. So, without thinking, I say frantically “Stop. Stop. Stop” meaning “Try and stop the pee from coming and get to the potty seat to finish.” But it didn’t come out that way. Obviously. And, according to what I’ve read, saying anything except “Oh, I’ll clean that up.” or some other such neutral statement was not the way to go.

Up until now I have been really, really good at making those non-committal, neutral, not-losing-your-sh*t statements when she “has an accident”. So I was disappointed in myself yesterday. Until I asked her why she peed on the carpet. “I didn’t feel like going to the potty seat.” was the answer. What?! Didn’t FEEL like it? It wasn’t an accident? Oh, Good Lord how I had to bite my tongue, mumbling to myself out of earshot and talking to God so I didn’t lose it. I cleaned up the pee and did something else “busy” for a minute to keep my composure thinking all the while “What exactly am I supposed to do with the ‘I peed on the carpet on purpose’ situation?” Let it go? Not react? NOT COOL. She saw through my busy behavior and getting out of earshot and said “When you pee on the carpet, it makes Mommy mad.” I assured her that I wasn’t mad and said something else that I cannot exactly recall about how I was feeling about the situation. From what I do recall, I probably stretched the truth pretty thin to maintain the neutral stance I felt I was supposed to take.

I did end up letting it go because I didn’t want to do something that could potentially derail Tater Tot’s motivation for potty training but, with a few hours and a little bit of perspective, I now have a plan for it if this becomes a pattern. I am not deluding myself that this is the last time she will “not feel like it”. Firstly, when she pees somewhere other than the potty, she will help me clean it up. Secondly, whatever room we are in and whatever activity we are doing will have to be stopped, using the excuse that I don’t want her around the stuff I spray on the carpet. We have to wait for it to dry. It could irritate her skin. All done in a neutral way, of course. Neutrally done, but a loss just the same.

Unfortunately, that was just the start of the downhill slide to our day. It had happened at around 3:30 and from then until bed time things just were wonky. Bed time is a whole other story. There were tears. There was outrageous stalling behavior. And then there were the power struggles. The analytical side of me is thinking “Self: it’s time to start looking at what her controlling behavior is all about”. And then I think “She’s three. She gets poked at least 8 times a day. She has to get used to stopping what she’s enjoying to go to the potty seat.” If someone was messing with my world like that, I might pee on the carpet, too. Ok, well, probably not, but you get the idea. And then maybe she just had a bad couple of hours. I wonder how it’ll go today…wish me luck!

Phew! We seem to have gotten a handle on the Diva behavior that recently sidetracked us from potty training and now we’re back on track. Not that the tantrums and drama don’t still occur. They do. But I have a better handle on how to deal with them and Tater Tot is realizing that it’s not working as well as she’d like. So, we’re potty training again! And, so far, I think we’re doing pretty well. There have been accidents. There will be more. I have managed not to lose my cool when they happen. In my opinion, that’s about all we can ask for!

I was reading a book (don’t even ask me which because it wasn’t that memorable) that talked about getting your child to potty train “organically”…i.e. when they want to without extrinsic rewards. And, of course, I started to beat myself up because I couldn’t figure out how to get my child to “want” to potty train. She just didn’t and I’ve got the Preschool Countdown going so I felt like I needed to act fast. She was mildly motivated to wear undies but, when given a choice she would prefer a pull up and to not make the effort. Didn’t seem to care that some her friends at Mommy and Me were potty trained. Mildly interested in the fact that a little friend from the play group was wearing undies but, still, not enough to light a fire. Uh, okay…what do I do with that? Keep her out of preschool and in a diaper for another year until she’s “ready”? Maybe I’m selfish but I just didn’t want to do that.

So, we headed to the Target dollar aisle and I let her pick out “prizes”. We printed free Dora potty training stickers and chart and got the show on the road. Turns out now that she realizes her Diva behavior isn’t going to stop Mommy from encouraging Big Girl Potty Behavior, she’s doing a pretty good job at getting to the potty. And she loves earning stickers and prizes…and seeing Mommy dance around like an idiot, of course. The way I’m doing it is that she earns a sticker every time she goes in the potty and, at the end of the row, she earns a prize. Of course, she suggested that Mommy print a chart with less squares on it so she could earn a prize more quickly but I stuck to my guns on that one…

Sometimes life as an almost-41-year-old, Hashimoto’s-having, no-sleep-getting (my fault), business-owning Mommy of a preschooler can get a little hairy and overwhelming. When it does, I stop and look at my sink. Weird? Yes. But let me explain. A couple of years ago my sister turned me onto Flylady who has developed a system of organization that starts with “shining your sink”. Well, technically I guess it starts with getting “dressed to your shoes” which is basically making sure that you are presentable before your start your day and having lace up shoes on so you can begin your routines. But, after that, shining your sink is the first habit you take on. And I have to tell you, that is the habit I am doing religiously right now.

When I wake up and stumble downstairs to pour a cup of coffee and I am greeted by a sink full of dishes, I want to go back upstairs and crawl into bed. It’s just no way to start the day. But when I come downstairs and the sink is clean and clear of dishes, I feel like I have a head start on my day! I can drink my cup of coffee in peace knowing that I won’t have to rush around before Tater Tot gets up trying to get the kitchen clean before I can make breakfast. And it usually makes me want to check the laundry and get that going, too so that my “free time” while The Tot is napping is just that: free. I am free to do what I want to instead of being a slave to my house.

The other function that shining my sink has for me is symbolic. When there is a situation in my life that I cannot control, I do something that I CAN control as a way of letting go of the situation I can’t control. It is therapeutic and it works for me. I have control over my habits and routines even if I don’t have control over the things that worry me. So I keep my sink clear at the same time I keep my head clear. It’s a two-fer!

Once you’ve shined your sink, there are other routines that you can put into place that really can make your life easier and keep things perking along as they should. You can get quite a bit of information from the Flylady site but she also has a book out called Sink Reflections available at Amazon if you click on the title back there. And your local library may have a copy if you want to check it out first.

I have to be honest: I backslide. And Flylady expects some backsliding. But progress is expected as well. Baby steps, jumping in where you are, and starting again are all a part of the package. And, boy that’s a good thing in this household! For now, my sink is shiny and my laundry is almost always done. And I cannot overstate the feeling of peace and accomplishment that it gives me. As a woman with an advanced degree, it feels really quite funny to type that I feel accomplished because my sink is clean and the laundry is done. But it really does!

The next thing I’m going to tackle is a weekly house cleaning schedule, I think….wish me luck!

Today was the last day of our Mommy and Me class for the year and I have to say that I was surprised by my reaction. I didn’t really think about the implications of ending a class that we had been a part of for two years until, well, until I drove up to the class. Maybe last night or this morning a fleeting thought/feeling passed through that I roundly ignored. But it hit me full force as we drove up to the class that we would not be coming here with these wonderful women and their children any more. In the Fall Tater Tot will be starting preschool and the kids/Mommas will be scattering among preschools around the area. We will no longer have this built-in, once-a-week support group that we currently have. Not that we don’t all have each others’ phone numbers and email addresses. Or that we can’t/won’t set up play dates. But the “built-in-ness” and our wonderful teacher will not be there. And although I felt like a complete sap for being teary about it, it is a loss.

Last year we lost two members to another class on a different day but, for the most part, this group has been together for at least a year and a half. Most of us for a full two years. Last year there were summer play dates and the knowledge that most of us would all be together again in the Fall. But this year it is different. The kids will go to different preschools in the Fall and relationships may or may not survive. These things all factored into my teary-eyed last day but the most important and probably the best reason for being teary-eyed on a day such as this is that my little baby girl is almost a preschooler. And I am almost a Mother of a Preschooler. I have always been one be easily bored and to welcome the new so I was surprised at my reaction to my little girl growing up. Surprised that I felt so deeply today. I mean, yes, I am very proud of the progress she and I both have made because of this class but I’m still surprised at the feeling of loss that I have. I realized today that she is very soon going to be a Preschooler. Not a Toddler, but a full-fledged, potty trained (God willing!), going to school without Mommy Preschooler.

I’m not sure why but an interaction that I had today is sticking with me longer than it normally would on the eve of an ending. Today, one of the mommies suggested to several of us in a conversation that we meet the next week at the park right by our class to play. Most of us thought that was a good idea and, when the class was almost over, I asked one mommy if I would see her next week. She looked perplexed and asked “Where?”. I explained and she stated that she and the suggesting mommy were no longer getting along and that she wasn’t invited. Huh? Since last week? We didn’t really have time to explore why as the class was ending, everyone was still milling around, and Tater Tot was oh-so-ready for nap time behaviorally. So I told her that I was really very sorry that they had had a falling out and said “Goodbye” to those remaining, herding Tater Tot to the car.

Our class has not been a class in which people are excluded. It has been a comfortable place where you don’t have to wonder or worry about asking someone if they’re going to any event to which any other Mommy/Kiddo duo has been invited. And this particular couple of Mommies seems to have gotten along rather well. They did things with two other Mommies/Kiddos outside of the class and were generally known as The Four Muskateer type of group. Their kids constantly played and fought together and acted like brother and sister. Which is why this situation is so strange. What in Heaven’s name could have happened for these two to have such a violent rift within one week’s time (or less)? So much so that one mother has pulled her child from the preschool that they would attend in the Fall, I assume, because it is the same preschool that the child of the other mother is attending.

Let me preface this by saying that I HAVE NO EARTHLY IDEA WHAT HAPPENED. I cannot even pretend to know (which is, maybe, why I am so perplexed). But what I thought I knew was that these were two very reasonable and lovely women with delightful, if not spirited, children. It is beyond me what could have happened between the two but I have to wonder “Why do we do this to each other as women?”. What could have gone so seriously wrong so quickly and why can’t we just support one another in our lives? Is it that hard? Again, I don’t know what happened and it may be that it is utterly unforgivable. But I hope that it isn’t. And, for the sake of all women, I hope that we can all be a little bit more understanding of each other and make the effort to just be nice. I realize I’m probably being naive but that’s just how I feel.

I’m sure that I will, one way or another, find out what happened. While I am curious, it is not my business to dig around in. And, I have to say that, in one way I am glad this happened at an ending point rather than in the middle. We have had the experience of being comfortable in this group for a long time and it was fantastic (save one shoving incident that we worked through). And, although I now wonder if there was an undercurrent all along that I was not aware of, I think I will choose to remember this as the positive experience that I thought it was and resolve to be as supportive and understanding and forgiving as I can of women that come into my life from this point forward.

Another thing that today’s experience did for me is help me to realize that time flies by so fast. And while the day-to-day grind may be a bit much at times, these are the times I will be longing for later and remembering fondly. Before I know it, I will be writing a post titled “I’m almost the Mother of a Kindergartner!” or some such thing. And it will seem like the blink of an eye.