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Life has just been plugging right along. I find that with this blog, as well as with my personal journal-writing, when things are good, I don’t write as much. There’s not much angst or stuff to work out nor as much humor, self-deprecating or otherwise. A sense of humor is key to dealing with the stress of motherhood and I find that my sense of humor feels at home in this stress.

Lately things just haven’t been as stressful. Yes, Tater Tot loooves her a tantrum on a daily basis and likes to “step the envelope” (push the envelope) with Mommy but it’s just not the same kind of stress I felt when she was younger. The doubt-myself-daily kind of stress where I wondered if I was doing something (or everything) wrong and if/when I would scar her for life. I have become very comfortable in motherhood.

Well, this week, my comfort level was dealt a major blow. It started last week when I noticed that Princess Tater Tot was drinking everything she could get her hands on. Then she started peeing through her Huggies in record time and I started to be concerned. It had been 80 degrees or near that here in lovely San Diego, though, so I chalked it up to being thirsty because it was hot. She was also super-duper cranky, which I chalked up to being almost-three. But then, Saturday morning I saw some symptoms that I couldn’t ignore. She was shaky at breakfast and her speech seemed a little thick. The Daddy didn’t notice it as much as I did but I knew that something was just off. It went away, though, so I decided to just keep an eye on it. By Tuesday morning at Mommy and Me I knew I had to call the doc because, although she had periods of normalcy, the lethargy and crankiness had ratcheted up a notch and something was just not right. We couldn’t get an appointment with her regular doc so we made one at the after-hours clinic for his pediatrics group. At 7:30 that night we found out that she is diabetic and were directed immediately to Children’s Hospital for a minimum three-day stay. We’ve been at Chez Children’s ever since and, I’ll tell you, I’m ready to go home but terrified to do so.

Going home means that I am totally responsible for my child’s health. Not that I wasn’t before. Obviously I was. But that was when there was nothing wrong, or so we thought. That was before I knew I needed to measure and restrict and say “no you can’t have some of Mommy’s pizza” or stick my child with a needle and poke her finger 4 times a day. Before our lives changed forever.

So far I have not fallen apart but I can’t guarantee what will happen when we get home. I am tired and the hospital, while so necessary and helpful, has sapped all of my energy. I have not exercised or sewn in 4 days (the things I do to deal with stress) and I just want to sleep in my own bed. If you can’t tell, my sense of humor has not quite found a home in this yet. But it will. I have no doubt. Just like with any other challenge, I will find a way to make it funny and take the edge off. But not yet. For now, all of my energy is focused on learning how to live our new lifestyle and how not to let it limit us. I know we can do it. It will just take some adjustment. Par for the course with motherhood, right?

The doctors and nurses keep remarking that I’m so calm and I can’t help but reply to them “What’s my alternative, really?” There isn’t one. Falling apart isn’t an option for This Mommy, at least not right now.

Because I know you’re on the edge of your seat. *Sarcasm* This past week I have noticed Princess Tater Tot walking funny and making comments like “It won’t get pee-pee on the slide” and “It won’t get poopies on your booster seat”. I guessed (not too hard to do) that she was peeing and pooping when she was walking funny and asked. “Yes.” was, of course, her answer. Same with the “It won’t get…” comments. I assured her that it wouldn’t get pee-pee or poopie on whatever it was about which she was concerned because she was wearing a diaper. She seemed satisfied and continued with what she was doing (going to the bathroom, as it turns out). When I offered to whisk her off to the potty seat she just said “no.”

Toddlers have the amazing ability to go to the bathroom while doing something else completely unrelated. This ability is different, of course, from a baby who is not really aware that they have to go. I marvel at this ability because it took me quite a while to figure out how to pee in my wet suit when I surf. Yeah, I know, that probably says something about my compulsive personality but, whatever.

The body language showing that she is going to the bathroom and telling me she is going when she does are both signs that she’s getting ready. She has also just about mastered getting her pants on and off by herself quickly which is another sign of readiness. And she likes to take her own diaper off. I’d say we’re getting there but she’s still just not interested in actually doing the deed on the potty seat. Baby steps. As long as she’s potty trained by Fall so she can go to preschool!

So I volunteered to research alternatives to plastic for our Mommy and Me class and it sent me running for the cupboards. The topic is one of those that, the more you look, the more you find in terms of information, controversy, and outright fear. At least that’s how it was for me. I found opinions that cited BPA as safe for humans, opinions that vilified it as akin to the devil and much in between. Many opinions that I found were much like my own: “better safe than sorry”. So this weekend I got rid of all of our #7 plastic, plastic of indeterminate origin, and old, scratched or cloudy plastic. Gone. The areas that I have focused on for us right now are feeding and drinking for The Tot, water consumption for me and food storage as these are the areas we use plastic mostly. I’ve starting using our regular plates for Tater Tot, now that she is of the age that she generally doesn’t throw plates. I went out and bought a few glass food storage containers that have #5 plastic tops and will be buying more as the finances allow. Phasing out the plastic food storage altogether.

As it turns out, there are quite a few readily available alternatives to harmful plastics that leach BPA. To cut to the chase, if your plastics have the numbers 1, 2, or 5 on them they are okay but still should not be heated. If they have been heated or are scratched and/or cloudy, they may be leaching chemicals and you should toss ‘em and get new ones. Better yet, use glass baby bottles and food storage. There are several good stainless steel sippy cup options that only have a few #5 parts. If you do still use plastics with the “safer” numbers on them, my recommendation would be to hand wash them as the dishwasher can get pretty darned hot. Not fun but “safer”. I’ve seen some discussion about Corelle since it is heartier than regular dishware and some toddlers can be kinda hard on regular dishware. I bought a few little Corelle bowls for The Tot and use them instead of the plastic or melamine ones.

Some of my favorite products for The Tot and myself include:

The Thermos Foogo sippy which can be found at Target for $15. It has a #5 plastic spout and “inner workings” but the body of the cup is stainless steel and it’s not hard to wash by hand. Thermos also makes a stainless steel straw sippy made of the same materials. We haven’t tried that one yet but the reviews I read were good.

Klean Kanteen Stainless Steel Colored Water Bottles with Poly Loop Cap which has a sippy adapter and an option for a stainless steel cap instead of the #5 one included. I got myself a pink one and I loooove it!

Anchor Hocking and Pyrex glass food storage which both have #5 plastic tops (just don’t microwave with the tops on) and can be found at Target and WalMart for a range of prices.

Corelle “berry bowls” can be used for cereal, soup, pasta…anything you’d put in a bowl! Found at WalMart for inexpensive.

For utensils, I have found that The Tot is past the point of using plastic-tipped spoons so I just tossed those out anyway. The rest that we had were metal. If you’re still using soft-tipped spoons, Munchkin’s Soft-Tip Infant Spoons are BPA-free.

These are just a few of the adjustments that we have made to keep The Tot and ourselves safer. It’s an ongoing process, though, and it can be overwhelming. It seems like everything is hazardous these days. However, I do encourage you to start your own journey, if you haven’t already. Anything you can do to minimize long-term exposure to hazardous chemicals for you and your family is good! Baby steps! Now, go! Get started!

SafeMama.com has a great, thorough list of those plastic cups and baby/toddler products that are BPA free here

Santa did come to our town the other day. The city we live in graciously provided free Santa photos and provided a room with coloring pages, etc in which to wait. They handed out numbers and took groups in an orderly fashion based on 15 minute intervals so you could go run your toddler around outside if being confined is just not their thing. It was a long wait even though we got there fairly early but it was worth it to not have to wait in line at the mall and pay a ridiculous amount of money for a picture of my child with Santa in this horrible economy. We just would have skipped Santa pics this year if we hadn’t gotten in on this deal.

It went better than I expected. I wondered how she would deal with a larger-than-life old guy showing interest in her (she doesn’t really like strangers all that much) but she did fine. She wouldn’t look him in the eye, however, and, when asked “What do you want for Christmas?” she replied “Want Mommy to tell you.” So Mommy told Santa what Tater Tot wanted for Christmas and we escaped with a cute picture of Tater Tot with a huge smile on her face, looking away from the camera and leaning away from Santa. I did, however, snap a cute shot with my camera in which she is actually looking at the camera so it’s all good.

All in all, this has been an enjoyable holiday season so far. Despite working like a madwoman because I waited too long to start the Christmas presents I’m sewing this year. Once they’ve been opened, I’ll post some pictures of the finished product for you all to see.

If you’d like to see some more of my handiwork, check out www.SnugglebugDesigns.etsy.com .

Nope. You’d think we would be by now. She is 2 3/4, you know. But, no. She still has no interest in potty training. I can barely get her to sit on the thing. I don’t push because I don’t want to set up a power struggle but, Good Lord, I’m ready for her to be out of diapers! She’s growing like a weed, has a fabulous vocabulary and ability to communicate, and will be in diapers until she’s 8, apparently. No, but really, I read something the other day that reassured me a bit and my sister’s kids both pottytrained at the later end of the spectrum so I’m not worried. Anxious to ditch the diapers? Yes. Worried? No.

So, in my reading, I came up with some markers that show your child is ready to potty train:

• Can walk and/or run steadily. I don’t know what running has to do with potty training unless it’s just so they can get to the potty quicker? But it’s there. From multiple sources.
• Urinates a significant amount at one time. Again, not sure why this is on the list but it is. My uneducated and compulsive-person guess would be that it’s just more efficient to pee all at once rather than keep running back to the bathroom but I’m sure that’s not it. Because that’s just crazy. Like me. Right?
• Has regular, well-formed bowel movements at relatively predictable times. That one’s a little more understandable, I guess. That way you can offer the potty seat to them around the time they should be pooping and give them a little taste of potty seat success!
• Dry periods of a couple hours at a time that show their bladder muscles are developed enough to “hold it”.Another pretty self-explanatory one. If they can’t hold it, they can’t make it to the potty seat in time.
• Doesn’t like the feeling of a dirty diaper and/or asks to be changed when he/she has one.
• Announces bowel movement before, during or after either with body language or words.
• Is able to pull pants up and down by themselves.
• Is interested is being toilet trained.
• Is generally in a cooperative stage yet shows a desire for independence.

That’s about it in a nutshell. Several of the items above are going on in our house but the most important one, interest in potty training, is lacking. We’ve talked about and gotten big-girl underwear, read books with potty sound effects, gotten special potty training stickers and incentive charts, sat her on her own potty seat, on the big potty, read books while on the potty. Nothin’. Not a drop. Not really sure why since, at 2, she was excited to use the potty and actually did use it successfully for a day or two. But the reality for this Mommy is that she is not ready. *Heavy sigh* Even though I most definitely am.

Okay, so I know that between 2 and 3…oh, let’s get real. Between 1 and 4 or 5, there are a LOT of tantrums that happen. We have been having more than our fair share of them around here. In fact, “we” had a doozy at the end of our Mommy and Me class the other day. At the end of class she just unraveled. It was no different behavior than I see at home on a daily basis but it felt so much more magnified since it was playing out in front of at least 10 other Mommies and Kiddos. I handled it like I would at home and just did the best I could but it sent me running to my favorite fount of information, the Internet, to find out more about how to deal with my Princess’s tantrums in a constructive way. Here is some of what I came up with.

Apparently, according to Dr. Sears, there are two kinds of tantrums: manipulative and frustration. Bottom line: ignore the manipulative ones and empathize with the frustration ones. You have to let your Little Manipulator know with verbal and behavioral cues that tantrums are not the way to go. Don’t let them push your buttons and get into a power struggle or yelling match. For your Sensitive Guy or Girl who is throwing a frustration tantrum, getting down on their eye level and asking them to “Tell Mommy what you want” is helpful. Also helpful if they are frustrated by a particular task is to help them with part of the task and then encourage them to complete it on their own. We get a lot of those “Do it by myself” kind of tantrums around here so I’m going to try that tip out soon.

I’m going to cut to the chase and give you a handy-dandy bullet-point list of the tips I found helpful:

• Keep a tantrum diary to help figure out triggers and pre-tantrum behavior. This can help you ward the tantrums off.
• Keep in mind that tantrums are a normal part of a child developing independence. Don’t see it as a reflection of your parenting ability
• Keep your composure, even if your child is losing it in public. He/She needs you to stay in control since they are not. Get your child and yourself to a more private place to help them calm down.
• Be realistic about your expectations for your child. Don’t take them some place when you know that there will be triggers galore. Like when they’re hungry, tired, or overstimulated. Plan your trips according to what’s going on with your child, if possible.
• If they are tantrumming because they want something (perfect example is the check-out line), don’t give in! If you do, you are setting yourself up for many, many battles at every check-out line you enter. Intro to Psychology tells us that intermittent reinforcement builds the strongest habits. If you give in once, they will assume that you will give in again. Even if you don’t give in the next time, they will continue to try whenever they encounter that situation because the hope is there.

  What I didn’t find in the articles but I have realized that I need to implement myself is deep breathing and “going to my happy place”. Tantrums irritate the CRAP outta me. I mean, they send me from zero to sixty in 2 seconds flat. So far I have been able to maintain my composure but I realized that I need to take a different view of her tantrums. Most of her tantrums are truly frustration tantrums and she feels like the world is ending. I need to be empathetic instead of irritated, even when she’s shouting “NO!” at me. So I take a deep breath (or a few, depending on the situation), sort of disconnect myself emotionally from her behavior, and speak calmly to her. I put everything else on hold. The grocery store run we need to be doing, other people’s stares if we are in public, the appointment we’re late for. I get down on her level, speak to her calmly and explain to her why she can’t have that/do that/bring that. Or I distract her with a request to help Mommy. Or, if she’ll let me, I give her a hug and say that I’m sorry she’s so upset. It’s not easy for me. I’m easily frustrated myself although I’ve learned to deal with it. And I need to help her learn how to deal with it. So I put her needs first and get the stink-eye from the receptionist at whatever appointment for which we are late. Small price to pay for my kid knowing that she and her feelings are important to me.

  Another thing I have implemented in our house since The Tot is an only child and will likely stay that way, is the “You are not a spoiled girl so why are you acting like one?” Defense. Tater Tot likes to say “YOU WANT THAT (fill in the blank)” in a loud, demanding voice and, sometimes, throw a fit if she doesn’t get it. Now, I don’t know if this is normal two year old behavior or what but it doesn’t fly in my house. So when she does that I have started saying to her something along the lines of “Hm, that sounds a lot like a spoiled, demanding voice and we don’t talk that way around here. Mommy knows that you’re not a spoiled girl so you need to talk in a nice voice. How do you ask nicely?” Works like a charm so far. She’s learning. And so am I.

Okay, when I posted last I was pretty upset. I had a little Mommy’s Night Out that night with some women from the class and worked through it. They’d all seen the same behavior from that child. We all agreed that it was difficult to see everything your child does at class but that this type of behavior should be dealt with by the mother. I had already decided that, if she didn’t deal with it, I was going to gently step in to deal with it between the kids and they reassured me that they would keep an eye out as well. By the way, I didn’t bring the topic up that night. I was not going to talk about it but someone else brought it up. And I did not want to create any drama or bad feelings in the class. I like the class and want everyone to get along.

Thankfully, I have not had to step in at all. Since that day, this mother has been right there with her child whenever she is anywhere near mine. She has held her by the hand and distracted her with something else when she gets near Tater Tot and I can’t tell you how happy I am about that. While I think that incidents like the one that happened in the last post are good opportunities for both kids to learn what’s okay and what’s no okay (and for mothers to learn as well, me included), I am glad that it hasn’t happened again since. I know I can’t wrap her in bubble wrap and protect her from the world. And I know that things like this will happen as she gets older. I’d still like her to have a relatively peaceful life free from shoving and hitting for a little while longer…

The other day we were at our weekly Mommy and Me class and, as I sat near Tater Tot watching her play, one of the little girls came up to Tater Tot and yanked a toy away from her. Her mother was right there and I heard her, very ineffectively, say “Oh, give that back. Don’t do that. Give that back to her.” This continued for at least two minutes and then, well, I guess she followed directions. She threw it in Tater Tot’s general direction. Okay. Um. No “Oh, I’m so sorry.” to me or Tater Tot. No instructions to her daughter about how we don’t snatch toys from other kids and then throw the toy back at them. No Time Out. This particular time I had decided to sit back and let the little girl’s mother handle the situation instead of stepping in and telling the girl that we don’t snatch toys from other kids because her mother was sitting right there and I expected that she would do this. I was wrong.

Fast forward to snack time. The little girl had already washed her hands and was sitting down for snack. We were standing in line waiting to wash hands. Tater Tot was standing right next to where the girl was sitting, minding her own business. I was facing the other direction. Apparently, this little girl shoved Tater Tot because another mommy told her “No, we don’t push people.” I turned around and asked what happened and was told that this same little girl pushed Tater Tot for no reason. The mother of this girl was across the room but saw everything. Didn’t say a word to her child about it. Somebody please tell me in what universe this is okay? I had seen things happen sort of out of the corner of my eye during past weeks and wasn’t 100% sure that I had seen this girl take a swipe at Taylor or push her so I hadn’t addressed it. But it is becoming very clear to me that this is an issue. She’s two years old and never talks or plays with this little girl for heaven’s sake! What’s the problem? Of course there could be sub-conscious motives like maybe this mom has a dislike for me which she allows her child to take out on mine. But I really, really hope this mom isn’t whacked like that. Please, Woman, allow me to keep my faith in humanity and don’t be whacked like that.

Up until this point I had been very comfortable with the mommies in this group and the fact that they address the behavior of their child that is a problem. Most of the women in the group are really inclusive and friendly and we all seem to get along. But in this case I can see that I am not going to be comfortable. I am going to have to either keep Tater Tot away from this girl or be right there when they do interact and address any behavioral issues myself because it’s clear to me that the mother will not. I’m not saying I am the Parenting Guru…Good Lord, no! Otherwise why would I have a category named “I’m Not Going To Win Mother of The Year”? But I do strongly feel that you don’t let your child get away without consequence when they push, hit, or snatch things away from other kids. So I will take a few deep breaths and, unfortunately, regardless of how this mommy feels about me stepping in, I will. At least to say to this child “No, we don’t….(fill in the blank) since this mom is not. I’m not going to have my child getting the message that it’s okay for people to act this way.

And, just in case you think I don’t have any empathy for this mom, I do. I have seen her struggle with her child’s tantrums and other behavior for a year. I am acutely aware that it wears on a mommy, particularly since Tater Tot is going through an “Extremely-Easily-Frustrated” phase (at least I hope it’s a phase!). I know that it’s hard. But there are some things you just don’t ignore, and shoving other kids is one of them. Maybe I can still win Mommy of the Year if I’m able to put aside my feelings and deal with this in a positive way…?? Everybody’s gotta have a dream…

I love, love, love this little person who is my daughter! She is the funniest, most frustrating, cutest and most all-encompassing person I know. I began to be concerned that, when I discipline her, she may think I don’t love her anymore so I began a game that asks “Does Mommy still love you when (fill in the blank)?” The fill-in-the-blank answers ranged from “when you don’t listen to Mommy” to “when you throw a fit” to “when you are happy” (just for a little balance) and beyond. You get the idea.

This game spawned another game called “Mommy Would Still Love You If” which consists of me making the statement “Mommy would still love you if” and filling in the blank with some random, ridiculous statement. Past statements have included “Mommy would still love you if you had no eyebrows and two belly buttons” and “Mommy would still love you if you had green hair and one eye.” Well, the other night we were doing “Rocking and Shnuggling” before bed time and out of her mouth pops “Mommy would still love you if you had three toes and no bottom!” We weren’t even playing the game! I nearly fell out of the rocking chair laughing until tears ran down my face. She was so proud of herself that she had made me laugh so hard. And I was struck by just how much she is becoming her own little person. I need to do everything that I can to foster that because she is just so precious and such a great little person. This realization really helps me to deal with the times when she is smirking at me just waiting for me to get to “three” thinking I won’t give her a time out or when she is kicking and screaming yet again for I-don’t-really-know-what-reason or when she looks at me and goes ahead doing the thing I just told her not to. This is all part of the bargain and my job is to put aside my random issues that get triggered by this behavior and help her to be the person that she’s going to become. This is Mommyhood and I really love it. Yeah, I’m a sucker for Toddler Cuteness…

The Daddy would agree with that statement for the simple reason that I actually clean my house before people come over. Vacuum, dust, sweep up the “floor food” that falls under Tater Tot’s chair. The works. Heck, I even cleaned out our coffee maker this morning just in case someone wanted a cup! My house hasn’t looked this good in months. How sad is that? And on the flip side: how normal is that? No, that’s not a rhetorical question, I really want to know! If you’ve got the answer, holler at me…

We did a cute Fall Placemat that was really pretty easy. You just cut a length of contact paper long enough that a piece of construction paper can fit between the two sides when you fold the contact paper over, put cut outs of leaves, Fall sayings (Autumn, Leaves, Harvest or whatever strikes your fancy) all over the construction paper, peel back one side of the contact paper, stick the construction paper on it, peel off the rest of the contact paper and fold it over. The biggest challenge is not getting bubbles when you fold the second side of the contact paper over.

I actually really enjoy hosting play dates. It does engage my perfectionistic tendencies, however, which isn’t the greatest (hence the cleaning of the coffee maker). But as long as I keep them under control, we’re good. Wish me luck with that…